Best of Times, the Blurst of Times….Stupid Monkey

I have been putting off this post as I hoped that something would happen to change things or I happened to get a Jimmy Stewart, Its a Wonderful Life style attitude adjustment. 

But sadly no, if I waited any longer this bog would be as dated as my taste in music, movies and cars.

If you have continued to drop by to check if I am still alive thanks for your persistence. It has not been an easy couple of weeks. 

Unemployment benefits ended unexpectedly with no new job in sight and personal finances in disarray. 

Depression returned and with it thoughts of suicide. Sunday's headline in the Drudge Report, mentioned that more Americans now die by suicide than car accidents. Given the state of the economy on both sides of the 49th parallel that is not such a great surprise. Add being transsexual to being unemployed and it is a little like playing Russian roulette with all the chambers filled.

I have bounced back an forth between depression, hope and gallows humour. It is not any easier for "J" as the financial well being of the family is on her shoulders. I feel less than useless.

Looking back at the interviews I have had I am sure I didn't get one job because of being transsexual while the most recent I am confident I passed. As my one year full time anniversary approaches do I consider transition a mistake, no but success has eluded me so far.

The need to be there for three children also limits jobs that don't pay enough to cover child care. I need a new career position but those seem difficult to come by despite years of high level experience.

I have sold surplus hot rod and vintage car parts to strengthen the family budget and have had to consider selling some cars too. Finding buyers for big gas guzzling seventies luxo barges is not so easy with the price of crushed dinosaur juice so high.

There are some more flexible opportunities on the horizon but they will have to be pursued in tandem to provide anything like a living wage. I continue to write professionally but the amount paid to freelancers by magazines has also been cut. 

So sorry no happy ending or light at the end of the tunnel just a confusing jumble of emotions. For the moment I remain upright and sniffin' air...

cant find any pathetic sad faced photos,  image at top is me in a Austin FX4 taxi, kinda rare over here

I was going to post something sad and sweet by the Ravonettes but perhaps a musical selection that always bring a smile when I hear it.  Ladies and gentlemen, George Formby:..... and yes he is before by time you smart ass

Hugs,

April

Book Review

Me at the North Korean DMZ, the shorts caused an international  incident

Transsexuals are usually portrayed in a very negative light in popular culture, especially in the last century.

I have since a pre-teen been a fan of Clive Cussler and his American "James Bond" character Dirk Pitt. I recently gave my oldest child a copy of his Raise the Titanic.

The novels mostly combine underwater adventure and historic mysteries. Both Cussler and his fictional hero are car collectors and each novel usually features a cool antique car. 

Perhaps the first reference to transsexuality I ever came across was in Cussler's 1975 novel Iceberg. Purchased as in flight entertainment for a trans-atlantic trip to by boarding school the transsexual character certainly got my full attention. You can picture me on a 747 in my school uniform nose buried in the book, eschewing the airline food for a bag of bbq potato chips….still my greatest weakness.

(warning very out dated spoiler alert)

I recently came across the very same copy of that novel and decided to see if my memory was playing tricks on me.  Nope! 

We first meet Kirsti Fyrie, the Icelandic CEO of Fyrie Ltd. She is described as the "loveliest woman north of the sixty-fourth parallel".

Pitt turned, and so did every other male head in the restaurant. She stood in the foyer very tall and very blond, like a fantasy of womanly perfection, incredibly beautiful, as if caught the perfect pose by the lens of a fashion photographer's camera. her statuesque figure was encased in a long violet-coloured dress…

…she walked over to the table , moving with a graceful flowing motion that possessed all the suppleness of a ballerina and more than the suggestion of a natural athlete. By this time all the women in the restaurant were eyeing her with instinctive envy."

Perhaps it would be too much for readers in 1975 but Pitt eventually spurns Ms. Fyrie's advances as she is indirectly responsible for the death of an old friend (she was being blackmailed in her defence). Others have accused this novel of being homophobic and misogynistic. What is surprising is the even handedness and acceptance accorded her status in the novel. :

'That there never was a  sister. That Kristjan died the exact moment you were born?' He shook his head. 'What difference would it make? As Kristjan you weren't willing to accept the sex your body had given you so you undertook sex conversion surgery and became Kirsti. You came into this world transsexual. Your genes crossed you up. You weren't satisfied with the hand nature dealt you so you made a change. What more is there?'

 Too bad I couldn't take a hint!

April