Beautiful Darling

It seems as if all my friends, whether "normal" or transsexual are having a tough time of it lately. I blame the economy, geopolitical tensions or perhaps it is just the weather, a miserable arctic winter that refuses to release its death grip on Canada and much of the northern States.

Hope springs eternal and the weather forecast promises double digit temperatures by the weekend albeit accompanied by rain. As long as I don't have to shovel it, bring it on!

Being transsexual is no easy road, despite the advances our tribe have made over the last few years. It was much harder before.

Any regular reader of this blog will know of my interest in transsexual history, I hold the pioneers such as Coccinelle, Bambi and April Ashley in high regard (not to mention all those who were brave enough to make the same journey and to live successful lives out of the spotlight).

I recently had the opportunity to re-watch the 2010 documentary Beautiful Darling, the story of Candy Darling. A student of the outre I always had a basic knowledge of Andy Warhol's Factory and his female stars, Holly Woodlawn, Jackie Curtis and Candy.

The story is told by her friend and biggest fan Jeremiah Newton. There is nothing drag queen about Candy, clearly she was a transsexual. Excerpts from her diaries speak of her desire to start hormones and electrolysis. The photos from her youth in Forest Hills are even more telling, few could fail to see the girl staring back at them. Her school book sketches of fashions offer more proof.



By the mid-sixties she was already venturing into NYC, first as Holley Slattery (her family name) and then as her movie star self, Candy Darling. Risking arrest I might add violating the masquerade law.

I will leave it to you dear constant readers to explore the rest of her story from the Warhol films to  Tennessee Williams and her untimely death from lymphoma at age 29.

Candy was truly a beautiful woman but her desire for fame meant she was little more than an oddity to most people, as  a result both love and financial success eluded her.

Two things stuck with me from the documentary, first her incredible force of will to reinvent herself as a woman and as a movie star in a time when dreams of even simple transition were nearly impossible.

The second was a quote by Candy's contemporary and fellow Warhol alumnus, writer Fran Lebowitz. In her words “a 25 year old man who becomes a 25 year old woman is not a woman at all because a woman first has to be a little girl… Candy was never a girl, Candy was a fantasy she created for herself.”

Yes she created herself but it is obvious from her photos, movies, writings and sketches that Candy was female. If I can be bitchy for a moment, it is Ms Lebowitz who should take a long hard look in the mirror. 

“I will not cease to be myself for foolish people. For foolish people make harsh judgements on me. You must always be yourself, no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality.”

Redux

Redux: Brought back — Latin, returning, from reducere to lead back

First Known Use: 1860

Dear constant readers, thank you firstly for inquirers through Cassidy (at Cassidy’s Quest) as to my well-being and secondly for venturing back to this virtual den of iniquity.

Why did I leave?

I made my old blog private over security concerns. I am looking for a career position and I did not want potential employers learning I (was?) am transsexual.

Blogger was linking my site to my e-mail, which made an Internet search of me far too easy. I believe I have resolved that problem and have migrated all my old posts over to the new My Road site.

Why did I change the blogs name?

My Road to Womanhood, was a great descriptive title but I feel that I have successfully arrived at that destination. The story from here on out is simply My Road….

How have I been?

Now that is a much more difficult question to answer. Better than expected I guess. Divorce, moving out of my home and away from daily contact with my children was and is extremely painful.

I am so thankful to my friend Julie for providing a place to stay, for friendship and daily interaction that has kept me sane. To my sister Cassidy too, who is always there at the other end of the phone and who keeps tabs on me through numerous daily texts.

My corner of Ontario like most of North America has been suffering through a terrible winter.  For a fan of summer this season has dragged on and on making a cheerful disposition even harder to maintain.

As an aside Cassisy and I (Julie too) are planning a meet up this summer.  Lets all pray the space time continuum can handle such a monumental event without ripping apart the very fabric of existence itself.

What am I up to?

Continuing to work retail part time and write freelance part time. 

I see my girls three to four times a week, often picking them up from school and making them dinner.

Post SRS recovery seems to be going well, dilating only twice a day is less of a chore but still time consuming.

Time always seems in short supply, especially when it comes to the job search. Hence the delay in getting this blog back on track.

The back and forth to work and my old home makes for a lot of driving. Despite running a relatively fuel efficient late model Caddy 30 mpg (1985….that's a new car in my books) fuel costs eat up a lot of income.

The Seville has been a great car but as I expected from the start the 4.1 litre engine will eventually fail. Beautifully efficient but they suffer from two fatal Achilles heels, internal coolant leaks and weak lower main bearings. Mine continues to run strong but I do hear what I take to be a thump from the front main bearing when warm.

Worried I will have to switch to my  much less frugal 1976 Lincoln or the 1976 Buick Electra….or sell them to get something…..shudder….modern.

I did take a used Fiat Abarth out for a test drive but I cannot justify the price plus the Hemi Challengers on the lot were calling to me.

As you can perhaps tell, I am still obsessed with cars.

I am looking forward to sharing the road forward with all of you.

Hugs,

April

The Cramps, You'll Never Change Me


even cooler version here;  damn Lux and the band look hot, the coolest band ever!