Fun stuff first, Halloween approaches, the cross dressers high holiday. Remarkably I never took advantage of this one occasion in western civilization where dressing as a woman is “acceptable”. Of course I was too worried that I would give away my secret.
Also I usually found myself travelling on Halloween and had no desire to pass through customs dressed as a French maid. This year is different I will be home to hand out candy or take the children trick or treating.
Perhaps this year a costume, nothing too outré… witch, Vampyra, Corpse Bride, Morticia Addams, or even a princess. Nothing showing too much leg, Bettie Page would be so cool but I wouldn’t want the neighbors to get the wrong idea….yet!
A post in two parts as I didn’t want to just talk about being down.
The big city meeting yesterday went well and it looks like our company will retain the client and continue to make money, not as much as this year but still pretty damn good for the industry and economy.
I have a love hate relationship with the city, I envy the excitement and crave the corner office but am repulsed by the disparity between the have and have nots. Such a suburbanite.
It is frustrating sometimes to work so hard at your job but then still have to SELL yourself and the product, sigh I have no problem with unfettered capitalism but sometimes I just want to go to work do my job and then go home.
Some opportunity for a transition job but it is very dependent on other people making things happen. Potential conflict of interest does not allow me to participate and that is maddening. Especially as I am the woman to make it all happen.
Yesterday had me so keyed up the inevitable physical and mental crash followed. Low level bickering my SO (really SO is unfair a term, so gender neutral. She is my wife however I don’t wish to acknowledge my male role as husband, granted a role that I have abdicated some time back).
Any disagreement with my biggest supporter is a quick off ramp to a depressive episode. Slept most of last evening instead of working on computer or cars. This morning found me weepy and full of gender dysphoria, short of temper and generally pissed at the world.
Listened to an interesting interview on the radio as I tried to bend the laws of space and time on my morning commute. Basically recent discoveries show that the brain is constantly evolving itself (neuroplasticity) and as such offers the possibility for all sorts of mental health cures. An example would be training the brain to correct the “mental misfire” that causes obsessive compulsive disorder. Perhaps depression can be equally switched off….I am trying.
http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/natureofthings/
Hugs,
April
PS. Top photo is Vampyra (of Ed Wood fame), then the original Morticia, Carolyn Jones, she also played the bad girl in King Creole with Elvis and finally a safe for work picture of the beautiful Bettie Page.
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