Prison of My Own Making

I have mentioned before that my job is one I cannot transition at. A small privately held company its policies are solely dictated by the owner.

I firmly believe that outing myself would lead to instant dismissal if not the threat of physical violence. I fear that if I leave and my transition becomes known my reputation will be unmercifully attacked.

I have been complicit in allowing what was initially a dream job becoming a stifling prison. Being Trans aside my job has past its best before date. Time to move on.

Ah but there’s the rub, I have been unable or unwilling to give up the safety of a regular salary and dealing with an industry I love. Between myself and my employer I, have fashioned the very chains that bind me to unhappiness and a continued and unbearable male existence.

I had a break down this week, the stresses overflowed the levees of my male façade and I sobbed in anger and frustration.

I am not so blind to realize that in these difficult economic times a job is a valuable thing and I am grateful to have been employed for a long time. But the time for change is LONG overdue. I need to find the strength to make that change happen.

April

Here is the movie version of Jailhouse Rock: