In the back of my mind there is a niggling doubt, an inch I don't want to scratch. But as important dates loom on the horizon no mental rock should be left in turned. A long drive to a film shoot north of the city the other day let me ponder the question to my satisfaction.
Do I really feel I am a woman?
No, BUT let me clarify, I know my soul, mind, essence, what have you is predominantly female. It is so female that I cannot live as male anymore.
It has been that way my entire life, but forty plus years of learning how to act male (to pass ha ha) cannot be forgotten or discarded over night.
The mere existence of all of us here is the triumph of nature over nurture.
I expect once I go full time I will feel an outsider that I am to an extent pretending, just as I have always felt trying to fit in as a boy then a man.
But it is a role that I think I will soon feel comfortable in, to quickly grow into.
I look forward to becoming the woman I always knew I should have been.
Then I can answer Yes 100%!
Here is horror movie actress Victoria De Mare, with the Kim Fowley produced World's On Fire, not a great record but a perfect pop song, I could imagine anyone from the Shirelles to the Ramones singing this.
Brought the Jaguar XJS hot rod home (she has a 94 LT1 V8 with a 3.55 rear axle) and is rather loud. I will likely sell her but it would be nice to get her roadworthy and licensed and to terrorize the local 5.0 Mustangs…at least for a little while….a girl can dream. No that is not my car, the lemon yellow XJS is Purdey's car in the New Avengers.
Hi April,
ReplyDeleteWhile you may not always feel like a woman, as I suspect that a cis woman may not always FEEL like a woman, none the less that is what you, we, are. Some feelings change like the wind, others, don't.
Very soon you will change that to YES, YES, YES!!!
Many Blessings, Prayers, and Hugs
Cynthia