Hot Rod Girl
I have written before about my use of old cars as an avoidance mechanism.
My mood can still be determined in many ways by my car projects. A hobby and form of art appreciation I love but I have to realize that it can also be a crutch to avoid dealing with other issues.
Throwing myself into one of my latest projects, usually the resurrection of some hopeless case I find some peace and reward, plus sometimes a degree of control over my environment.
However if the project does not go as planned I can come down hard emotionally, partly because I am emotionally involved with the car in question but that I have failed to continue to mask the issues I was running from and now it comes roaring back.... plus I have a car in pieces.
How did I come to this epiphany, waiting in the forecourt of a transmission repair shop at 7:30AM like a patient awaiting the results of medical tests. It was not good. Later in the day tears of frustration as I tried to work out which to sell, which to keep, what had to be fixed. Like I said this should not be the priority.
Weekend Update
Busy as usual changed the plugs and wires on the Electra, power steering hose and flush on the Eldorado (waste of time), little bit of dry wall repair, hanging a blind, groceries shopping, taking children bike riding and even some barbecuing, bacon wrapped hot dogs and baked potatoes, came out well if I say so myself.
Not really enough time to get out as April. Normally such a three week drought would make me both miserable and grumpy, but the promise of September has kept me sane.
Film Review
Watched Sucker Punch the other night with my brother. I would generally agree with the reviews that it is not a great film. The story is a little weak but the visuals are excellent. Especially the steam punk WWI scenes. Zeppelins, zombies, anachronistic weaponry what's not like. Plus an all girl cast of heroines.
I did like the closing line repeated from earlier in the film by the guardian or angel character, as a non new age piece of spiritual advice, perhaps with particular relevance for a transsexual/transgender audience.
"Who chains us and who holds the key that can set us free? It's you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!"
I understand completely why you use cars as something of a crutch, because I do the same.
ReplyDeleteI have in the past ended up with too many projects, and came down hard because they became a source of stress. Selling a couple and breaking another for parts turned out to be a very good idea.
April,
ReplyDeleteThis is an important epiphany, but don't fret too much on this as you will drive yourself batty. We all have done this. In my case, it was throwing myself obsessively towards "save the world" type of efforts for others. I wish it was cars! (At least I would have something to show for it). Lots of self-sabotage to avoid dealing with my being TS. I wrote about this in my blog a while back.
Epiphanies are usually good things and are wonderful in giving us perspective and clarity. With this one, just please be careful with how you look at it. I know I beat myself up A LOT over my ephiphany. It was quite painful and told me that I wasted my youth avoiding myself. Not much good came from it for me. I hope you can pass this quickly. : )
Best,
Karin (I'm Just a Girl (I Think) Blog)