From reading of others experiences it seems to be a common occurrence. Friends or family members initially express support but as the "shock" sets in they find their true voice and condemn your actions.
I have been heartened by the great support I have had leading up to going full time, however yesterday I leaned that my brother in law and his family as well as "J's" mother do not want to see me. I am not welcome at Thanksgiving or the internment service for "J's" father, who I admired and loved.
I was particularly upset to learn that "J's" brother was angry and compared me to a cheating spouse who would not be welcome in their home…ever. That if I really had to do this I should wait another decade until all the children were in university.
I had initially thought that they were accepting or at least neutral on the subject. I can understand how my transition is a shock and that it may take some time for those close to me to understand.
It seems at least in my brother in laws case I have already been expelled from the family and like some out of favour Soviet general airbrushed from all official photographs.
"J's" family was my family, since I had few close relatives in Canada and it hurts to be excluded. I am still luckier than most in this same situation but it will hurt when the rest of the family gathers including "J" and the children but I cannot attend. I will make some excuse about meetings or filming.
On a more positive note today is my last day presenting as male….holy cow
Hugs,
April
April, I wish you happiness and hope that everything goes really well on your first day as the real you.
ReplyDeleteLove, Louise
I know how difficult it can be. Two of my brothers, both of whom had initially been quite supportive, did a complete about-face within the first two weeks. One even called to inform me that I was no longer welcome in his home. Another brother, who initially hated the idea, also switched and became very accepting. I later moved 2400 miles away, so they're sort of a non-issue, but it's amazing how quickly people change their minds.
ReplyDeleteI do hope everything works out well for you!
I'm sorry it's not so good for you right now, I know how it feels, so I am really sorry for you. Non acceptance sucks, whether it's from friends, family, or ones partner, it's never easy.
ReplyDeleteMy advice is to forget about them: It's just not worth the trouble and stress of trying to change their minds (Believe me I know). Leave them to their predidjiced attitudes, and enjoy your life : )
Good luck, and take care,
N, xx
April,
ReplyDeleteI can't really add much to what the other ladies said. Except, that rejection (particularly family rejection) is likely the greatest fear we have on this road of gender incongruence. Natasha is right about moving on. It will hurt. But, I bet you this time next year - Thanksgiving will be a lot better and some of the folks saying "no" now will say "yes" then.
Know that we are here for you and that you have my utmost admiration. Please reach out to me via e-mail whenever and for whatever. We will help pick you up if you should fall.
Good luck in the coming hours, days, months, years as you sail into the wind. Eventually, you will hit the high seas and all will be as it should and it will be beautiful.
Karin
Best of luck, April!
ReplyDelete== Kelly
April,
ReplyDeleteI haven't cheated, I've read your story, from the very first entry to here. Been at it since 10 AM this morning and it's now after 2 PM.
As for your in-laws, they simply aren't important. I was going to say something like "good riddance to bad rubbish," but that doesn't solve anything. I'm sure you have choicer words to describe them.
I can say two things. First our set of shared experiences, professional/career, being TG, and our tastes in music, is far more extensive than I could have imagined. I hope that you will see my posts in your blogs, and that we will make contact.
You see, 15 years ago, I did my own two-year, self-administered RLT so I actually know of much of what you speak. I gave it up to take advantage of a career opportunity. I have no regrets because from the period of 1997 until the 2008 auto industry meltdown, I lived a dream life. But now, with so much work-related pressure, I'm thinking that doing it over again, taking a job -- like a secretary -- as Randi, might be the thing for me to do.
Your story is inspiring and I feel I know you like a long lost friend. Now I turn the page to your October entries.
Randi