Last Wednesday I had a meeting with the editor of a car magazine I am doing some contract work for. I wore a long grey skirt and purple patterned blouse and black tights, boots, black fur jacket and gloves as the cold weather demanded.
After the meeting I stopped at a hobby store to pick up a gift for my father (diecast Mark II Cortina GT like he used to have). I have known the stores owner since he opened and we have had many conversations about cars and I have bought a good number of birthday presents and gifts even some stuff for me at his store over the years.
Clearly he didn't recognize me. I paid for my purchase and even asked if he had the Hot Wheels Cadillac Seville as I had just bought the real thing recently. Still no sign of recognition. By this time another customer had come in so I asked if I could see an item at the back on a high shelf.
After he showed me the Autoart MGB I finally said, I should introduce myself. Yes he replies expectantly.
Didn't you see what I drove up in? Don't you recognize me? Oh the Lincoln, still no sign of recognition. Feeling a tinge of exasperation at this point I say I am (insert old name here). Still confused he says, Oh you're his wife?
NO I was HIM! Finally I see the light of comprehension in his eyes. He was cool with it and we had a quick chat before he had to get back to work.
It can be frustrating not knowing when we pass, are people being polite or did they assume that I was the woman I was presenting as. Was that odd look because I am not doing something right that is giving me away, did my voice betray me, the way I walk? Endless second guessing.
I am much better than before, earlier I would be terribly self conscious and have little confidence. Going full time helped immensely and more often than not I find myself having left the grocery store for example realizing that I had not worried about whether I pass or not.
That is not to say I don't make my best best effort to pass every day but April is now who I am and that is how I live my life every day.
The photo I took turned out super washed out my the noon day light but I think it gives it a real faded seventies vintage look. And no I am not eight feet tall, the Lincoln has been lowered significantly with custom made springs by Eaton Detroit.
Here is Hillbilly Moon Explosion with my new favourite version of Chick Habit:
I still admire your taste in big cars, April.
ReplyDeleteWith the passing thing, I'm not surprised you 'succeeed' when you're cool and casual, or dealing with a situation you know you can handle well. I'm really puzzled why you don't pass all the time, and was discussing this a bit with another trans friend, who also dips into your blog. All we could think of was that now and then your voice must still be giving you away, because visually anyone would kill to look as good as you do - well, I might!
Not sure I would have deliberately outed myself as you did here, but no doubt you thought it best in the circumstances, and I agree that it's absolute evidence that you can withstand scrutiny.
Lucy
Lucy is right April; you look amazing.....especially in the drivers seat.....
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I was thinking the same as Lucy - I know that pictures never tell the who story but I just see a pretty woman.
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