Created a You Tube Channel, so what is on it, really do you have to ask? Rockabillyboth ancient and modern (plus related genders, I mean genres), cars, and a bit of transsexual history.
So please join me over on the dark side…
http://www.youtube.com/user/MissStutz71
Not much new to report, working late every evening on my contract project.
One of my depressive moods arrived like an unwelcome guest, on the way back from a walk in the snow. I passed a local pub, as I walked by an attractive blond exited on the arm of her boyfriend, husband?
I felt such envy, no that is not right, longing is better, for what I was NOT I began to cry. My therapist would describe that as feeling "less than". He is certainly correct I felt a million times less than her, a pale and laughable imitation. I felt like lying down in the snow and letting the cold carry me away. The dysphoria has lessened since going full time but every so often it bites you in the ass.
How melodramatic and Russian sounding. Well it is nearly 3:00AM again, really I think there is something wrong with me....well besides the obvious one!
Here are the Dahlmanns with Going Down:
No doubt about it - 3:30 AM posts can be dangerous, can't they? :c)
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling better in the light of day. Oh, and your YouTube channel rocks! Always nice to find another Rockpile fan...
Hugs,
Cass
One of the worst things pre-op transsexuals that are attracted to boys face is what you described. It is what it is and that is the natural instincts of a woman to want a man in her life if she is so inclined.
ReplyDeleteThe depression you are feeling is normal actually. You better get accustomed to men looking and hitting on you because you are pretty. The problem is finding the right guy. A difficult task for us bit not even remotely impossible.
Just hang in there and stay the course which I know you will do. It was warm last week and I got the Vette out for a ride. Looking forward to the Stutz kiddo.
Hang in there is my only advice I can or will give but it gets really wonderful after SRS so the key is to focus on that. Okay that is advice but focus on the end point.
Liz
Wise words from Liz. Ditto.
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