I Am A Woman Now: Film Review

I attended the last day of the Inside Out film festival in Toronto specifically to see the film, I Am A Woman Now the story of the first generation of surgically operated transsexual woman to grow old. The Dutch documentary introduces the viewer to five women, all who transitioned at a time when the word transsexual could not have been spoken of in polite company. A time when to admit that you were not mentally the sex you were born would more than likely put you in a mental institution.

Filmmaker Michiel van Erp introduces us to five women some of whom you may already be familiar with, April Ashley,  Prof. Marie-Pier Ysser (Bambi), Colette Berends, Jean Lessenich and Corinne van Tongerloo. All but Jean were female impersonators performing at Le Carrousel and transitioned in their twenties and thirties. Jean was initially married and had a successful career as a photographer and illustrator. Besides their transsexuality they all shared the distinction of being operated on by the great Dr. Buroou

Dr. Burou began to perform sex change surgery in the late fifties at his Clinique du Parc in Casablanca, Coccinelle was one of his first subjects in 1958. He invented he anteriorly pedicled penile skin flap inversion vaginoplasty, "the gold standard of skin-lined vaginoplasty in transsexuals". He is said to have performed over 800 operations before his death in a boating accident in 1987. His name is not better known as a low profile was necessary to operate in Morocco.

It must have taken such a leap of faith to entrust ones life and some large amount of savings to what was at the time an illegal and experimental procedure. Those who share this condition know that no risk is too great if that is the only way to become who you were really meant to be. 

The film touches on the women's early lives through old home movies, photos and reminiscences. It is also a pilgrimage back to Casablanca and a tribute to Dr. Burou. We are introduced to his son who looks very much like his handsome father and has the same French charm as well as a penchant for water skinning. Corinne returns top the place of her rebirth to lay flowers on his grave and an unsuccessful attempt to visit the building that once housed the clinic.

I still cannot find words to describe the experience, as the credits rolled I felt poleaxed and no strength in my legs to even stand up. I know others must have felt the same as it was very quiet except for the applause. 

What an impact seeing ones idols, these goddesses from another era as real people, as if speaking to me directly, April, Bambi and Colette. Their journey back to Casablanca to be reunited with old friends, the film was at once sad, beautiful and funny. None seem to have regrets and although they admit to giving little thought what their senior years would be like their new lives as women made them so much happier. On waking each morning April tells us she still feels some of the great joy she felt  on coming to after surgery to be greeted by Dr. Burou, "bonjour Mademoiselle". 

I don't think that it is I am afraid to grow old not having experienced being a young woman or that I wished that they had lived a fairytale life since transitioning. 

Perhaps the real reason it moved me so greatly was that it is my story too and they and Dr. Burou are my mothers and father. 

I wanted tears to come to exercise all the emotions I was experiencing.

Five Things I Learned From I Am A Woman Now:

1. Marry Rich

The old friend who used to do April's hair in Paris asks her whether she is living the life of an English duchess. No she says in her most upper class accent tinged with considerable longing and regret.

The hairdresser is apparently quite well off holding court in a Mediterranean villa and later on a yacht, there also seems to be 

many handsome younger men in attendance.

"But you had the aristocracy begging for your hand" her asks, "ah but I was young and stupid" is her reply. The funny thing is she never appears on camera without a glass of champagne in her perfectly manicured hands. She is always as regal as a monarch.

April had successfully remade herself coming from humble provincial beginnings. I often expected her in an unguarded moment to revert to her Liverpudlian accent however she never does, so successful has she remade herself successfully transcending class and gender.

There is clearly some wistfulness when recalling her many wealthy suitors. Both Bambi (who the documentary fails to note had a successful academic career) talk about the trials of economizing and remembering more flush times.

2. Take Care of Yourself

Colette is an artist and salon owner. Her interview begins with her administering a facial to a client and stressing the importance of maintenance to look good in old age. All of the films subjects appear well preserved and living active lives. 

Not surprising considering the investment they made in their female bodies and that their early careers were entirely dependent on being beautiful. Four of the five women were performers before and after surgery.

As a latish transitioner myself I need no convincing of the importance of diet, exercise and cosmetic improvements if one is lucky enough to afford them.

3. Don't Tell Till They Fall in Love

Only one of the women is still in any form of long term relationship. However beautiful, the inability to have children or the distraction of their history seems to have stood in the way of marriage. Corinne's advice is to let the guy fall in love with you first… then it is too late for them. An indication of this barrier to acceptance is seen when Corrine tells an old friend that she was not always as she is, we never see the hoped for acceptance only the shock.

Her one long term relationship was with a bisexual man and she still felt even after surgery she could not offer all a genetic woman could.

4. Do It Now

Most had their surgery in their twenties or thirties as soon as they could afford it. Jean a later transitioner fell into the usual scenario of denial, marriage and children before realizing what could be put off no longer.

None lived in regret and all sited surgery as the happiest time of their life, their rebirth and a start of a new more authentic and happier existence.

The trip back to Casablanca and meeting with Dr, Burou's son is immensely moving. April's patrician facade is only let down when she speaks of the doctors kindness and her own family's shunning. Corinne after half a life time of  stealth proceeds to tell everyone of her history when trying to get access to the shuttered clinic.

5. Not All Men Can Be Beautiful Women

Yes and No. The question was posed to April Ashley and the answer was a quick no, elaborating she states that womanhood has to come from within. The looks and the frame make it easier but she revives her answer mid thought saying that even if you don't look the part you have to do what you feel inside, its just harder.