As Joey over at his Pad would say, I threw a bit of a wobbly today, heck its not even Monday. I am sure unlike Joe mine usually involves more than a few tears.I had been feeling rather blue for the last day or two due to financial concerns and my inability to land either a career position or even something short term to help bring a more regular cash flow than I do from writing.
I had been talking to a mom at school when dropping off my children and as she was also freelance we were comparing notes, both being in the same “leaky monetary” boat. I talked about working so hard to remain positive but as she said when you are constantly worried about money it does tend to suck the joy out of life.
Despite the beautifully sunny weather (suddenly summer here) I began to feel worse and worse. When my Internet connection went down as I was trying to get some work done it was the last straw and all the stress exploded.
Although I am technically self-employed I feel unemployed, useless, unwanted and well a failure.
My mother called during my wobbly and could tell I was upset and reminded me that I had every thing to live for given my recent good news.
When I am really really upset I retreat to one of my cars, I used to do this as a confused teenager. I would hide in my 59 Caddy stretching out on the big blue leather front seat that was more comfortable than any bed. As the 59 is in storage I took shelter in the Lincoln Continental curling up like a cat on sun warmed jade leather seats. Like a hug from an old friend I felt some peace return and was able to compose myself and return to my desk after a brief rest.
I hope you all don’t think that sounds too crazy, like some sort of automotive themed attempt to return to the womb.
Think I need another visit.
Hi sweetie,
ReplyDeleteI used to do something similar, except in my case I would read my Peanuts books and listen to my beloved Beatles albums on my headphones. It was the only time I felt totally safe.
Im glad you found some comfort today. You deserve it. Even someone as resilient and determined as you needs a pick-me-up from a brief respite every once in a while.
Things *will* get better. They will.
And we are all here for you.
I'm here for you.
Never forget that.
Hugs & love,
Cass
Hi April,
ReplyDeleteI used to practice relaxation and medication techniques and one of the things I ended up doing was creating my own little place, it was my ideal home, in my mind where I could go when I needed to de-stress.
I hope things sort themselves out on career front soon.
Oh dear, this was one time when I didn't want to read about another blogger's wobbly. But we all have them. You are not alone. Some of mine are small and trivial and other times much more serious. Don't put all your worth into the job or money you have, or don't have. I do understand you, I too feel like this about my dj-ing. It's not like a "proper" job. As Cassidy said things will get better.
ReplyDelete