On the plus side it seems to have finally stopped snowing though we did have a little flurry a week ago. Summer tires are back on the daily driver.
In general and to my chagrin life has been the same, job (she shakes her head derisively), search for new job (she weeps quietly in the corner) have seen no improvement.
I had high hopes on the car front but lack of garage space this season means that the Corvette may have to stay in storage and the Stutz remain unfinished for another season. The Lincoln and Electra may get brought out of hibernation for a week or two of exercise and minor repairs.
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| Last week, I revived Elvis from his slumber |
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| fired up and idled as smooth as silk |
I did take my 1971 Schwinn Stingray out for a ride to welcome spring to the Great White North.
I have been making notes for more in-depth blog posts, tackling IMPORTANT issues but my heart is not in it today.
I am still struggling with relationships. I have to remind myself that so are many "normal" people with non-transsexual histories. I have known for a while that I want a real relationship, one that will lead to long term stability and domesticity.
I have also learned that I have no control over who I develop feeling for and usually those are the wrong ones who cause me nothing but heartache and misery. Unwittingly I have had the same effect on others....so karma?
Too many bad days and nights with a dark cloud hanging over me feeling as depressed as a Ravonettes album.
I don't have to tell anyone about my past and I mostly feel that they don't have a right to know until I am ready to tell them. But tell them I must, I feel that I can't be myself and be open and free with a potential partner unless they know my superhero origin story.
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| trying too hard to channel Jayne Mansfield |
It is not an easy thing to admit and rejection is always a risk. Sometimes the rejection is instantaneous and other times it percolates and they realize that they can only see me for who I was, not who I am.
It hurts no less either way.
Hugs,
April
PS. Not my motorcycle in lead photo (two wheels bad, four wheels good)....but it does belong to a cool chick
As a palate cleanser lets have something upbeat
I learned in Sales Training courses how to handle rejection. Rejection is not always a personal attack, and it shouldn't be viewed as such. It speaks as much of the other person as it does of me.
ReplyDeleteSo how does this help you? Maybe by understanding that the people who appear to reject you are rejecting their own self, rejecting their ability to be open minded and cool.
Certainly if you want someone to know that you are trans and want that to have no bearing on whether they would have a relationship with you or not, then you need a more targeted selectiion criteria before you even consider them worthy to receive your affections.
Somehow you have to know right from the start if they could be worthy.
If you're determined to tell them, then tell them on the first meeting. Don't get drawn into liking someone who won't stand up to your criteria of open mindedness and acceptance. If they are not worthy of you, then you should find out sooner rather than later. This way you keep control of the situation and it is easier for you to let them go if you find they don't or won't make the cut.
You are a powerful woman with a super-heroine background. Obviously you are not ashamed of that, and neither should be anyone with whom you would want a relationship.
Take control back into your own hands. Establish the criteria for entry into your relationship sphere. Vet and exclude any who won't meet the criteria for open mindedness and acceptance.You be the BOSS!
Love ya, -alice
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