If you might recall dear constant reader, I have had some problems with one of my neighbors. I have worked hard to give him a wide berth and to avoid enraging him with my mere presence.
Last weekend he unleashed a string of disgusting sexual terms and mimed sexual acts while my youngest daughter and I were playing outside. He repeatedly mimed pulling down his pants and invited me to give him a blowjob. I was called a faggot and a freak in front of my child.
The next morning he accosted me in my driveway, me two inches from my face he berated me spewing the worst homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic (he is an equal opportunity bigot) spittle flecked rant one should ever have the misfortune to witness.
He bragged of having a police record for beating up “faggots” back in the day, I assume he is in his sixties. He also claims to have videos and photos of me doing “things. I believe this is called stalking.
Most amusingly he seems to have a fascination with the number of times I check the oil in my cars, a more solitary and quiet activity I cant imagine. It is terrifying how quickly a situation with the potential for violence can escalate. I was scared to go out to my car to even go to the grocery store for fear of another incident. I do not fear him physically but nor did I wish to be seen as the “bad guy” for defending myself against an “old” man.
Yesterday morning I phoned the police, fearing that property damage and violence would be next on his agenda.
Despite some mix up with schedules a police officer did take a statement from me in the evening then cautioned my neighbor. I will see if the visit from the police will have cooled his ardor but I am not confident. The officer discussed me laying charges and mentioned hate crime legislation. However, some sort of physical attack seems to be necessary before they would charge him with such an offense. I was not pleased with the officer mentioning I should remember he comes from a different generation. I didn’t realize that age was an excuse for violent bigotry.
On the whole I try to avoid politics in this blog but I envy the more robust civil liberties of my neighbors to the south and their 2nd. amendment. Even such self-defense products as mace and pepper spray are sadly illegal here. In Canada it is safe to say that the accused has more rights than the victim.
I have been advised to call 911 if he sets foot on my property again.
Good for you, sis! It's about time the tables were turned on this piece of... well, I won't say what I *want* to say, but you can imagine. (OK, you're Canadian, and therefore congenitally polite, so maybe you can't...)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you have endured this psychopath's abuse for far, far too long. It's about time *HE* knows what it's like to know that every move *HE* makes is being watched.
Do not hesitate to call 911 anytime you feel threatened by this idiot. He needs to know that his days of spewing garbage without consequence are over.
Again, good for you for standing up for yourself, April! That took a great deal of courage. I'm so proud of you, sis!
Hugs,
Cass
P.S. If you can't have mace, perhaps you could simply use a different name? You know, "Optic Dissuasion Apparatus," "Non-Benign Olfactory Impediment Utility," "Respiratory Disenhancer"... something like that. Think about it!
April,
ReplyDeleteJust be careful. He sounds like my neighbor Chuck that was on me like this when I was a kid. Keep your cell phone handy and if he approaches dial 911. If he comes close to you fall to the ground and scream that he is assaulting you.
The simple truth is when you are the female the male has the law on his side until he physically harms you. It is why lawyers make the rape victim the enticed the "poor" rapist.
Anyone that would do that is a cretin so just be careful. See if you can get a restraining order preventing him from coming on your property.
Believe me it is no different in the US on issues like this. My Chuck raped me and never spent a single second in jail and was never charged. If he stepson your property quietly dial 911 and tell him to leave.
Liz
Sounds very worrying. Your child should not have to witness stuff like that. As the others have said keep your phone with you and dial 911 if he steps on your property. Keep safe.
ReplyDeleteI am sad that this step was necessary but I am glad you have phoned the police. He is just a bully - full stop. I hope that further actions isn't required
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you are having problems still with your neighbor you my think of setting a video camera up when you go out to work in view of him and mabe carry a micro cassett recorder if he approaches tell him you are video tapeing and voice recording him. Keep your chine up lass and try not to let him get to you and do keep your cell phone handy.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone!
ReplyDeleteSo far he has kept out of sight. I am keeping alert and will call the police the moment he tries anything else.
I feel angry at myself for being so nervous when I walk my children to school or simply go outside to get in my car.
April,
ReplyDeleteI've very glad you and your Family are safe. This guy is a threat to your happiness and well-being (which in a perfect world, would be enough for the CMP). I think I mentioned this a long time ago (but Heather reminded me) - you should take a look at front house window video cameras. They take good quality images, are easy to install and (many are inexpensive from Amazon). Some of my neighbors have them as we live in a decent neighborhood, but have more than our share of crime at times. One of my neighbors has cameras from Radio Shack and they were on the day some kids came by and stole her plants (they were caught) AND the cameras helped catch a man who tried to force in her front door when she was on vacation.
I hope that he is not in your head too much right now and that your daughter just thought he was the village idiot. Can't imagine how you are feeling. : (
BTW, when did mace or pepperspray become illegal in Canada? That is utterly ridiculous.
Best,
Karin
Many years back when non leathal personal defense sprays came out on the market the Canadian Goverment put them on the restricted weapons list to protect the population from criminals useing it to rob people. Bear repelant is legal only in areas that yhou may encounter bears or other dangerous preditor animals. In Canada you used to be able to carry a knife with as blade no longer then 3and a half inches but that is now illegal as it would be considerd a leathal weapon even a baseball but is considerd a weapon in the right cercomstances.
ReplyDeleteA freind of mine who was from the Dominican Republic answered her door to see her husband who she was divorceing at the time and she had a wooden rolling pin in her hand when she opened the door he slapped her and she hit him with it she was charged with assalt and deported he had no marks on him she had a blackeye and a blooded nose
I do feel that the law in Canada is set up to protect the criminal not the law abading population when I was living in Toronto the house that I was living in was divided in to to units and was being made in to one house again when it was broken into i had the license plate and rental agremen with only one womens name on it she was the only one to be living there the guy who broke in was not on the lease. The police officer made every excuse for him to be there protecting the criminal.
Thank you for being brave and open about your experience being honest and true about who you are - it is a beautiful and laudable thing. I am an actor who played a part in The Laramie Project, the story about Matthew Shepherds murder and attempts to justify it and this kind of hatred in any degree is inexcusable. It is untenable that the policeman attempted to give your neighbour's behavior any justification whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteI am a gender-fluid heterosexual man who finds wholeness by openly expressing and embracing 'feminine' characteristics in my outward presentation - inwardly, I keep my anima very much alive and loved. There is a beautiful power I derive from emulating the strength I see in women. Four-year-old boys who say they want to be a Mummy when the grow up understand that strength but so often loose it trying to become men by polarising masculinity and femininity. Anyway, If I wear pink or put my long hair in a bun, women (generally) love it but many men who know me make fun by affecting a lisp when they speak to me. I took my sons for ice cream with a new and drying pedicure yesterday and some tiny over compensating local in a Budweiser bill cap and wranglers had to posture and give me a disapproving and challenging eye of reproach as he looked me up and down mouth agape and twisted into a sneer. I thought, 'right and your wee redneck getup isn't drag affected to hide your insecurity about your size and gender - you just let it all out in the open you frightened little bastard.' I reckon the guy was secretly and deeply turned on by my security and lack of fear in expressing who I am. I suspect your neighbour is secretly jealous of your freedom and happiness but is probably also so turned on by you that he must hate you so he doesn't have to look at himself with any sort if honesty. .