ok ok ....I had great plans to post something everyday leading up to Christmas but working in retail means that this time of year is madness. Once I'm home (and still some dilating necessary) I am too beat to do more than crawl into bed.
Oh yeah I almost forgot.....I hate Christmas!
The over commercialisation, the pressure to create a perfect holiday, the perfect gifts the perfect meal, etc etc. The damned expense!!!! A December to Remember.....if I see one more luxury car commercial with a red bow I will go nuclear.
Heck, I love luxury cars but who gives $100,000 vehicles like they were sweaters. Mercedes and Lexus I'm looking at you.
Seriously, the season on the whole makes me depressed, I've never been a fan. The separation of my family and only getting to see my daughters for half of the day, being a guest in my former home is difficult and emotionally trying.
I know a lot of "normal" people feel the same way, the malls are filled with grumpy, surly and sometimes downright rude shoppers. The roads and mall parking lots alike are like a scene from Death Race 2000.
Today was the Christmas pageant at my ex's church (as Groucho said, I would not want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member). I got to attend and surprisingly didn't spontaneously combust upon crossing the threshold.
I think I do know why I have always hated the holidays. It is an emotional time. Before transition it was the pain of hiding who I was and now it is the loss of that prior normalcy. The nuclear family, the white picket fence, the perfect family Christmas.
But even my grinch like heart can feel what is still good about Christmas on the day, visiting as many family and friends as I can cram into 24 hours. That I look forward to.
Merry Christmas.....you filthy animals
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| the Plaza Hotel in Niagara Falls, Miss Monroe stayed in room 801when filming Niagara in 1953 |
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| a rather wetter blonde |
I second your feelings regarding Christmas. I have complicated feelings about it. On the one hand, I found it comforting at the darkest, coldest time of the year. On the other, it also was a reminder that another had passed living a lie, with another to follow.
ReplyDeleteI went full-time last year just before Christmas, and am grateful to finally be living as myself at long last... but now I find myself remembering how painful it was this time last year, due to the lack of support from most of my family. Perhaps next year will be better; I hope so.
In the meantime, remember: the Zombie Nazis and Kaffeine Koalas are at the ready should you need them in the coming week. Here's wishing you the Merriest of Christmases, sweetie! Love you!!!
Hugs & love,
Cass
P.S. Lovely pics as always. :D
Merry Christmas April and Cass,
ReplyDeleteWe've normally either gone away for Christmas or have someone come stay. The last couple of years we've spent just the 3 of us at home, although last Christmas we actually went to visit family on the day.
As much as I love the holiday period I'm not a big fan of buying presents because the shops tend to be crowded with people buying things because they have to give others presents. My present buying usually ends up being done very, very quickly.
Loving the pics, you look amazing, especially in the red dress xx
This Christmas I will be on my own, but that's OK because for me Christmas is not about family, friends, or presents. I am so skint (broke) this year that I am only buying presents for my daughter, and that has helped me concentrate on what Christmas really means to me. After Christmas it all stars to get better. he days get longer, the weather gets dryer, finances gel, and the saviour of the world has been born!
ReplyDeleteThis Christmas is tinged with sadness though as it will be "his" last, maybe that is anther way in which it will all start to get better after Christmas.
Sorry! the reason I started commenting was to say ~ Great photos!
ReplyDeleteChristmas has always been hard especially during the holidays. Worst was in the major hiding years.
ReplyDeleteSince I became me finally in Feb. 09, I have finally learned to enjoy a little of the festivities but as in the past, I still feel the urge just to disappear.
All the best to all especially you April.
Mistique Gilder
Hi April I must say you look beautiful in the red dress. Have a Merry Christmas and a great New Year. Peace and Love to all.
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