Things have begun to click into place, early on in this blog I wrote about a new feeling of confidence in my female self. I indentified this confidence as an important milestone in my transition.
The new confidence has allowed me to tell more people about the real me and most importantly to finally tell my father.
Just like that another mental piece of the puzzle has clicked into place. The new cog in the machine is the realization that I am really going to do it. The realization that in the not too distant future I will live full time as a woman that I will have surgery, that the way I experience the world and how people see me will change forever.
I have brief glimpses of that future once a week when I can get out for a precious few hours. Womanhood as seen through a scanner darkly, yes I am scared. I am afraid I don’t have the mental strength, the force of will to achieve my goals. I am afraid I will destroy what I value most in my current life.
But I keep moving forward; one foot after another…it is all we can do.
Transition is no longer a matter of if but of when. A lifetime’s unspoken desire realized, I can’t wait. I am excited, I tell myself that I can’t believe I am actually doing it and happiness courses through my body.
Hugs,
April
The new confidence has allowed me to tell more people about the real me and most importantly to finally tell my father.
Just like that another mental piece of the puzzle has clicked into place. The new cog in the machine is the realization that I am really going to do it. The realization that in the not too distant future I will live full time as a woman that I will have surgery, that the way I experience the world and how people see me will change forever.
I have brief glimpses of that future once a week when I can get out for a precious few hours. Womanhood as seen through a scanner darkly, yes I am scared. I am afraid I don’t have the mental strength, the force of will to achieve my goals. I am afraid I will destroy what I value most in my current life.
But I keep moving forward; one foot after another…it is all we can do.
Transition is no longer a matter of if but of when. A lifetime’s unspoken desire realized, I can’t wait. I am excited, I tell myself that I can’t believe I am actually doing it and happiness courses through my body.
Hugs,
April
