I am privileged that my mother, father and brother all care enough to read my little diatribes. And most importantly my wife. I was going to complain about my job today but she suggested a different topic.
A little about her first to know how she fits into this story. I came out to her in a gradual manner over the last two years and she has been supportive and understanding through it all. She has shown a true Christian attitude where it would be so easy for anger and bitterness to take root. Anger only flares when I let myself descend into depression.
I love her and never wanted to hurt her, when we married I was naive and considered my transexualism to be an aberration that would eventually disappear.
We are best friends but separation and divorce (although friendly) is an inevitability. How our future family living arrangements will look is uncertain but I am positive we will find an answer that is best for the children.
Being Trans means having to embrace the absurd sometimes. A discussion with your wife about whether it would be appropriate for me to wear a white wedding dress if I were to remarry has got to take the cake so to speak.
How is someone supposed to take their husband becoming a woman? She is honest and admits to occasional feelings of anger and fear about the future. Will she find someone else to provide the type of closeness and companionship she misses?
Surprisingly she also admitted to feeling of jealousy. I have more clothes and fit into a smaller dress size. The children have said I am pretty…..raise in allowances all round! I understand that it is typical competiveness between two women. But she is beautiful and will always be more than I can ever be no matter how much I spend on surgery.
One day in the future we may both find someone else. I know she will have no trouble on that account and although we can no longer be a couple I know that on that day I will be happy for her but my heart will still break.
Time to lighten the mood; here is Elvis and Ann Margaret with the Lady Loves Me….
Hugs,
April
