I finally saw the doctor yesterday to do something about my depression. A super busy day filming and I just made it to my appointment and slumped into the waiting room chair dressed as him and not caring.
"J" and other members of my family had been pointing out the obvious signs. Finally I began to perceive that it was having a negative impact on my ability to function and not least on those around me.
I had been very scared to ask for help as I saw it as a personal failing and that sometimes anti-depressants make suicidal thoughts worse. With full time fast approaching I was also afraid any little set backs would be fatal.
It has been a while since I have taken joy in anything, I have put off going out as April even though I know it is helpful, I just couldn't make the effort. Day to day responsibilities were all I could manage. Even more telling, I bought a new car (well new to me) and I could hardly summon a smile.
picture is of my 76 Mark IV in the rain at Ford HQ
I am going to try and blog daily until the big day.
