On the plus side it seems to have finally stopped snowing though we did have a little flurry a week ago. Summer tires are back on the daily driver.
In general and to my chagrin life has been the same, job (she shakes her head derisively), search for new job (she weeps quietly in the corner) have seen no improvement.
I had high hopes on the car front but lack of garage space this season means that the Corvette may have to stay in storage and the Stutz remain unfinished for another season. The Lincoln and Electra may get brought out of hibernation for a week or two of exercise and minor repairs.
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| Last week, I revived Elvis from his slumber |
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| fired up and idled as smooth as silk |
I did take my 1971 Schwinn Stingray out for a ride to welcome spring to the Great White North.
I have been making notes for more in-depth blog posts, tackling IMPORTANT issues but my heart is not in it today.
I am still struggling with relationships. I have to remind myself that so are many "normal" people with non-transsexual histories. I have known for a while that I want a real relationship, one that will lead to long term stability and domesticity.
I have also learned that I have no control over who I develop feeling for and usually those are the wrong ones who cause me nothing but heartache and misery. Unwittingly I have had the same effect on others....so karma?
Too many bad days and nights with a dark cloud hanging over me feeling as depressed as a Ravonettes album.
I don't have to tell anyone about my past and I mostly feel that they don't have a right to know until I am ready to tell them. But tell them I must, I feel that I can't be myself and be open and free with a potential partner unless they know my superhero origin story.
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| trying too hard to channel Jayne Mansfield |
It is not an easy thing to admit and rejection is always a risk. Sometimes the rejection is instantaneous and other times it percolates and they realize that they can only see me for who I was, not who I am.
It hurts no less either way.
Hugs,
April
PS. Not my motorcycle in lead photo (two wheels bad, four wheels good)....but it does belong to a cool chick
As a palate cleanser lets have something upbeat
