The last week has been a difficult one with my depression resurfacing with all the ill temper of the recent winter weather those of us in the New World have endured. Dealing with these demons while at work was particularly challenging. In my mind I had a number of stories prepared for why I looked so distraught. Luckily my office is relatively private and no one barged in yesterday.
I am sure my depression was evident in my posts, sorry for being such a downer, I am sure I sound like a whiney bitch. I was asked what is stopping me?
Good question, technically nothing except it would be my last day at work. My current position and thus the financial security of my family and myself would be sacrificed. If I were alone in the world I really would not care and would let the chips fall where they may.
The way forward should be clear, find another position. The difficulty and hard work associated with finding a new job and questions of do I tell when should I tell seemed to have paralyzed me into indecision.
A good friend reminded me that my destiny is womanhood and that I must work hard to grasp my goal, to allow myself to give up would be to condemn myself to the abyss.
Clearly I cannot maintain the status quo and must make the new job my utmost priority forsaking everything else. As Woody Harrelson said in Zombieland, “time to nut up or shut up”….perhaps an ironic choice in inspirational speeches but it was a cool movie…anybody got a Twinkie?
When I find a new song I like I usually play it constantly, so dig this undiscovered gem (to me at least) of the Tall Boys tribute to The Island of Lost Souls, great rolling, twangy groove:
Hugs,
April
