There is a reason envy is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. It is an unfortunate character trait I have seen in myself before.
Envy (Latin, invidia) in Dante's Purgatory is punished by having ones eyes sewn shut with wire because you have gained sinful pleasure from seeing others brought low. I prefer St. Thomas Aquinas’ description of envy as "sorrow for another's good".
I know from where this weed grows, it is the frustration over the pace of my own transition. It is what keeps from venturing back to various forums as I tend to judge my own progress against others. When I find progress lacking I lapse into depression. When you want to go full time, when you feel yourself ready any delay becomes unbearable.
I have a good friend who is poised to enter the fast track of transition. She is less encumbered by ties to her male life than I. For her it is not a matter of overcoming a series of obstacles but of when.
Irrationally I feel that I should be first, that she is usurping my role. The situation fills me with envy and yes anger. I feel terrible for thinking this way, which just makes it worse.
I am trying to turn my envy into a positive energy, to strengthen my resolve and to take action to make my own transition happen as soon as possible. And of course to wish my friend well and give her all the support I can.
Hugs,
April
Envy (Latin, invidia) in Dante's Purgatory is punished by having ones eyes sewn shut with wire because you have gained sinful pleasure from seeing others brought low. I prefer St. Thomas Aquinas’ description of envy as "sorrow for another's good".
I know from where this weed grows, it is the frustration over the pace of my own transition. It is what keeps from venturing back to various forums as I tend to judge my own progress against others. When I find progress lacking I lapse into depression. When you want to go full time, when you feel yourself ready any delay becomes unbearable.
I have a good friend who is poised to enter the fast track of transition. She is less encumbered by ties to her male life than I. For her it is not a matter of overcoming a series of obstacles but of when.
Irrationally I feel that I should be first, that she is usurping my role. The situation fills me with envy and yes anger. I feel terrible for thinking this way, which just makes it worse.
I am trying to turn my envy into a positive energy, to strengthen my resolve and to take action to make my own transition happen as soon as possible. And of course to wish my friend well and give her all the support I can.
Hugs,
April
