No I don’t mean being Trans, I am at peace with who I am and what I have to do to be myself.
By wrong I mean why am I not doing the things I need to do to make my female dreams a reality.
First and foremost I need a new job as I cannot transition where I am. True I am very busy in my current position, family responsibilities and cars but I have not made the time to search out that new job.
Am I afraid no one will want me?
Afraid I will end up in another job I cannot transition in and therefore right back to where I started?
Am I using my current position as a security blanket? The familiar status quo where I feel safe and more importantly “HE” feels safe. If “HE” keeps working there April will have to remain in the shadows and “HE” remains in control.
I need to finish the restoration on one of my collector cars, its sale would help pay for FSS and SRS. Am I afraid to finish and then sell as the car defines who I am as a man?
Putting off its completion as it helps him keep April in no man’s land.
Afraid that a new job and the funds for surgery will mean the end of my comfortable suburban family life and my safe and unquestioned existence as a man.
Wow, that is enough questions for now.
Hugs,
April
By wrong I mean why am I not doing the things I need to do to make my female dreams a reality.
First and foremost I need a new job as I cannot transition where I am. True I am very busy in my current position, family responsibilities and cars but I have not made the time to search out that new job.
Am I afraid no one will want me?
Afraid I will end up in another job I cannot transition in and therefore right back to where I started?
Am I using my current position as a security blanket? The familiar status quo where I feel safe and more importantly “HE” feels safe. If “HE” keeps working there April will have to remain in the shadows and “HE” remains in control.
I need to finish the restoration on one of my collector cars, its sale would help pay for FSS and SRS. Am I afraid to finish and then sell as the car defines who I am as a man?
Putting off its completion as it helps him keep April in no man’s land.
Afraid that a new job and the funds for surgery will mean the end of my comfortable suburban family life and my safe and unquestioned existence as a man.
Wow, that is enough questions for now.
Hugs,
April
