Sometimes it overwhelms me and threatens drown what I hope is the good person inside of me.
I think I have managed to keep a positive attitude despite personal and employment issues. I can remember how far I have come and how lucky I am to have many supportive friends and family.
But sometimes the old me flames back into being, the old me… always angry/sad/miserable… I take each minor setback to heart and bile floods my soul. Dear constant reader that corrosive anger is like a drug, I used to draw my strength from it, the fuel of my ambition and a necessity to get me through the day.
I would hazard a guess many transsexuals have that same self hating anger as a crutch. The original concept of anger (wrath) as one of the seven deadly sins meant anger directed externally as well as internally.
Part of me welcomes its return with open arms, so familiar and so comforting. Yes it whispers, hate the world, no one loves you, you are freak.
Clearly I have written this post more than a few times over my journey, the telling helps exorcise the demons, thanks for listening everyone.
As the villager said in Monty Python's Holy Grail, she turned me into a newt but I am much better now…
Hugs,
April
