I have been attending a weekly networking seminar to help my job search. The purpose is to share leads, job search tips and remain connected to the wider world. The last part is important, as I seem to spend far too much time at my subterranean desk alternately writing automotive articles and cover letters.
Last week was an interesting first despite being full time for nearly a year and a half.
After the moderated portion of the seminar we split into groups and I found myself in a group of five women.
I am used to passing and generally expect to pass wherever I go (I dont mean to sound big headed, yes I still doubt myself and yes I am still very pleased when I know I pass).
I knew I was passing in this situation as being all women of a certain age, divorce and separation was the norm and I was asked about my ex-husband and my children. I found it harder and harder to keep my answers gender neutral.
My continued use of ex and partner seemed to trigger a look in my integrators eyes, “ maybe she is lesbian”. I quickly threw in a he or two to dispel her suspicion. Ironically this is what my ex “J” particularly dislikes, ie being thought of as gay.
It was flattering to hear her say, “but look at you girl, doesn’t he want to get back together” Ummm I replied, you know people change, some more than others.”
I felt bad about lying but nor was I about to sacrifice hard earned passing and acceptance so easily.
Moral qualms aside it was wonderful to be accepted as unquestionably female in a group of women. Now I do have female friends but all of them know of my past. The vibe was different from anything I had ever experienced.
