I seem to be crying all the time, everything sets me off, a sad song or story in the newspaper. I know the hormones make one more emotional but really!
I am so stressed by the thought of going full time, I am so scared That I will be a fool a freak. Work my family cars etc it all seems too much sometimes.
Work and Depression:
Worries about work especially have me depressed, I do not want to have just gone full time and a few weeks later not have a job. I am trying so hard but progress is slow. A deal I had been working on did not go the way I wanted it to and I was literally on the floor in a fetal position.
Thank God "J" was able to talk be out of it, after work she suggested we all go the movies and out to dinner, it made a world of difference. She has shown incredible patience.
"J"'s car, the family truckster, we depend upon so much to shepherd the children around suffered a minor setback, worried it was fatal I lapsed back into depression.
I got out yesterday evening with friends, Genni and Natasha. The opportunity to be me made a huge difference. I think I even smiled.
Long Time Gone:
I should be so happy (and part of me is, part of me wants to sing) but part is in mourning for the loss of titles; husband, father, son, brother…the old me on my death bed. It is if I am attending my own funeral.
No black marble pyramid, eternal flame or Cadillacs sixteen coaches long….sorry an in joke.
These are NOT doubts, I know in my heart and mind what I want to do, what I must do. Today I am feeling OK but on Friday I had tears in my eyes. I am sure there will be more up and downs as the clock counts down. I should not complain, it is not cancer, it is not a death sentence, it is only going full time, not even surgery.
Still I am so scared...
Here is the Dave Alvin song I heard that drove me to tears, you have been warned:
