A trip to Toronto on holiday Monday to see an old friend who was seriously injured in a freak classic car accident. A vintage Cadillac ambulance, a dream car he had waited years to buy, fell on him when a careless driver swerved off the road and hit the car while he was working under it. A miracle he survived and it was great to see him up and about.
As he occasionally forgets my new name when on the phone I made sure I wore a dress not jeans and a t shirt and brought flowers for his wife….to reinforce the correct visual impression.
On the train to the city I ended up in an hour long conversation with a nice woman traveling to see her friends for a day out. It was most gratifying to past for a prolonged “interview” . How did I know I passed? Well the question about my husband was a good start. I also felt the conversation was subtly different from those with women or men who know my background. The pleasant 60 mins on the commuter train put me in a great mood for most of the rest of the day.
“J” read my post entitled Coward, where I wrote that I would like to go stealth if I can pull it off.
This caused some consternation and conflict I did not anticipate. She took going stealth as meaning that I was usurping her role as mother and denying my past fatherhood. I had meant I simply want to pass as a woman , to be recognized as such and not be branded transgender or transsexual for the rest of my life. Think Charles Manson with a T instead of a swastika carved on his forehead.
The transition to full time has been harder for “J” than she imagined and the cause of much stress. The sooner I land a job the better, which seems more and more the impossible dream but the only strategy is to preserve. I recently removed my profile from a trans forum as I didn’t want it popping up in a Google search of my name and secondly because I rarely visit anymore.
My oldest’s birthday over the Canada Day weekend, which was spent with “J’s” family and of course I was not invited. Apparently I have ceased to exist for them (except her sister), neither condemned or mentioned. I can’t pretend that doesn’t hurt as I feel pruned from the extended family tree.
As Oscar Wilde said, "There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about".
However I prefer,
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
Today's musical pick to click is Little Richard storming through Johnny Cash's Get Rhythm:
However I prefer,
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
Today's musical pick to click is Little Richard storming through Johnny Cash's Get Rhythm:
