I so often get bogged down in the terrible drama and angst of changing genders…or rather claiming the right one. Make no mistake it is the most socially subversive and difficult thing you can do.
On my calmer days, those rare occasions when I am comfortable and at peace with myself I often think what is the big deal, why should I worry about what everyone else thinks. I am lucky to live in a free and democratic society and it is my choice and mine alone as to who I am and how I choose to live. I must be channeling the true me, as my therapist describes her, ruthless but compassionate.
Now if I could just find a balance between the angst and Pollyannaish declarations of freedom I will be fine.
As I wrote to a friend the other day my worries over my job, business deals and the companies survival (let alone supporting my family, keeping the house etc if my job was too disappear) overshadowed if not outweighed the fear about coming out to my boss. All of a sudden I was snapped out of my paralysis of fear, I know I can tell him now and let the chips fall where they may.
I cannot go back, it I have to find a new job it will be as April, brave words I know. The title of this post is apropos as I have often said going full time is not burning your ship on the shore but the nuke the planet from space option. I am saving that clip from Aliens for the day I go 24/7.
Now I just have to catch him in a good mood. Give me a couple of weeks, stay tuned.
Saturday night I was able to get out a local GLBT dance, new Japanese themed dress from Le Chateau.
Hugs,
April
Is that a Hatori Hanso sword or are you just glad to see me?
