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| a happier time |
Heart of Ashes….or how I was dumped on Halloween
I went on a date last Friday and it only ended a week later.
A whirl wind romance that gave me my first taste of real happiness.
A doctor
who drove a Corvette, liked some of same music, someone I had so much in common
with, we clicked from the minute we met.
The emotional and physical closeness was intoxicating. Like
a junkie on heroin I couldn’t get enough after my first fix.
Normally I am a glass half empty kinda gal who moves
carefully I followed their lead and flew too close to the sun. We tried to
spend every minute we could together, then on Halloween night it was over, I
still don’t fully understand the reasons, I guess it doesn’t matter why just
that it is over and it wasn’t my decision.
I cannot describe the hurt, I had only recently dug my way
painfully out of depression and now I find myself in an even lower level of
hell. The day before I remember being in my car and thinking that all the pain
of the last few months and years was worth it since I finally found true
happiness.
I was stupid happy like my BFF Cass says, they even accepted
my past history with empathy. I was bursting with joy, I drove too fast and
played the much too loud, not with my usual death wish but out of sheer
unadulterated happiness.
Instead it was snatched away the next day. I wish I had
never known what it feels like to be happy as now I will crave it like a drug.
I am going through terrible withdrawal pains. I have howled and cried and
cursed God at the unfairness of it all.
My friends say I am strong and that I am a fighter but I
have taken a serious blow and I don’t know if I can get up again.
One of my favorite sad songs....
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| the four pumpkins of the apocalypse, i carved for the children |
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| my Corvette Stingray inspired pumpkin |
