I have been putting off this post as I hoped that something would happen to change things or I happened to get a Jimmy Stewart, Its a Wonderful Life style attitude adjustment.
But sadly no, if I waited any longer this bog would be as dated as my taste in music, movies and cars.
If you have continued to drop by to check if I am still alive thanks for your persistence. It has not been an easy couple of weeks.
Unemployment benefits ended unexpectedly with no new job in sight and personal finances in disarray.
Depression returned and with it thoughts of suicide. Sunday's headline in the Drudge Report, mentioned that more Americans now die by suicide than car accidents. Given the state of the economy on both sides of the 49th parallel that is not such a great surprise. Add being transsexual to being unemployed and it is a little like playing Russian roulette with all the chambers filled.
I have bounced back an forth between depression, hope and gallows humour. It is not any easier for "J" as the financial well being of the family is on her shoulders. I feel less than useless.
Looking back at the interviews I have had I am sure I didn't get one job because of being transsexual while the most recent I am confident I passed. As my one year full time anniversary approaches do I consider transition a mistake, no but success has eluded me so far.
The need to be there for three children also limits jobs that don't pay enough to cover child care. I need a new career position but those seem difficult to come by despite years of high level experience.
I have sold surplus hot rod and vintage car parts to strengthen the family budget and have had to consider selling some cars too. Finding buyers for big gas guzzling seventies luxo barges is not so easy with the price of crushed dinosaur juice so high.
There are some more flexible opportunities on the horizon but they will have to be pursued in tandem to provide anything like a living wage. I continue to write professionally but the amount paid to freelancers by magazines has also been cut.
So sorry no happy ending or light at the end of the tunnel just a confusing jumble of emotions. For the moment I remain upright and sniffin' air...
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| cant find any pathetic sad faced photos, image at top is me in a Austin FX4 taxi, kinda rare over here |
I was going to post something sad and sweet by the Ravonettes but perhaps a musical selection that always bring a smile when I hear it. Ladies and gentlemen, George Formby:..... and yes he is before by time you smart ass
Hugs,
April
