Have you ever had a love affair that makes you miserable?
Have you ever had a love affair (sounds more adult than dating) that makes you miserable? I do not mean after it is over and you are trying to mend a broken heart but when that affair is actually ongoing.
I might be smiling in the above photo but inside I am miserable and lonely.
I have been dating someone for a while and everything seemed to be going well. In fact I fell for them hard. Don't ask me to explain it, looks, personality, I don't know, except that I was hooked. Eventually I even confessed my secret and they didn't freak out or run away.
At this point it should have been all sunshine and lollipops but they are elusive, a week may go by with only handful of texts despite us living minutes apart. Plans to get together almost invariably are cancelled at their request, sometimes at the last minute.
At first this behaviour would drive me to distraction and then tears. We talked about my concerns all they made all the right noises but little has changed....gotten worse?
I decided to step back and to let them initiate any future contact and if it were not forthcoming I would have a clear answer to my fears.
I am finding it very difficult to maintain the I don't care attitude. I hear the phone alerting me to a text message or phone call and I lunge for my cell like a drowning sailor. I want to call or text but I stay my hand as not to appear any more desperate than I am.
When they call or heaven forbid when we get together I am on cloud nine. Invariably our time together is short and the day ends is disappointment. The uncertainty of when we will meet again is the worst and I have literally made myself sick. For the last two weeks everything I eat tastes like I have been sucking on a leaky Eveready battery. A quick on line search links such a symptom to everything from depression (doh) to diabetes.
You might ask, “if this person knows all about you, they will know of this blog and will end up reading this very post” I did show them the blog but they haven't read it and will likely never see this.
I hear you say dear constant reader, “why don't you bug out?” Believe me I have asked myself the same question ad nauseam but I am enamoured (oh gods even worse I might be in love) and they give me just enough attention to keep me hanging on, like a damn fool.
Now on the plus side today at work I was helping two women who remarked on my sultry voice. Later I overheard them remark, “look at her she could do anything why is she working here”. A co-worked said that they told him that I looked like a Bond girl. Now that is high praise indeed.
I hope they were thinking of Tatiana Romanova from Russia With Love.
A delightful older lady, a regular customer, (she was wearing a gorgeous pink Chanel suit) told me that I should be a model with my figure.
Thanks ladies you helped make a bad day feel a little better.
