A Question of Confidence

It has been a week since I visited CAMH, time is flying by and I feel that September and the planned date for going full time will be here before I know it.

Friday is already Canada Day and the summer solstice has come and gone, so many things to do, cars to sell, the Corvette still has not come out of hibernation. We are finally coming to grips with moving around the children's bedrooms and a quick repaint of the oldest's room seems like planning for D-Day when every day life is constantly getting in the way.

My focus has been on work work work primarily and although it has taken my attention away from any transition issues it means that I am not obsessing about what the neighbours or remaining relatives will think. I am afraid I have a very one track mind and tend to fixate on single issues.

I also cannot help worrying about employment and what will happen if I am not successful in helping the company grow and have to look for a new gig as April.

I feel rightly or not that a successful initial transition (going full time) is very much dependent on mental preparedness, at least for me. I wish I passed every time without question, even with FSS and SRS I expect that will not always be the case.

A projection of confidence and self assurance in our true gender is perhaps the most important ingredient. I know I see that in the reaction to some of my more fearless friends.

Believe it or not my confidence is slowly improving, especially as my hair grows longer and the hormones promote changes in body and mind. I am not as timorous in public but still have a long way to go. Work and family life mean that I do not get out as much as I would like as April and I fear that September will be a something of a trial by fire and less like slipping seamlessly into a new identity. To paraphrase on an old statistics professor trials and suffering are good for you.

The Eldorado continues its slow march towards getting licensed. A trip to the Ministry of Transportation offices resulted in disappointment on Saturday. I had gotten up early and headed out the door but still faced a line up even before they opened their doors at 9:00 Am. Despite a safety certificate (like an MOT), proof of insurance, invoice and original ownership it turned out I didn't have the proper Ministry approved appraisal form…for tax purposes of course.

I was happier with the above photo from Saturday as my hair looked better in my opinion. I also love the top, seems to be very French.

Well from France to Italy, here is Mina with Bang Bang from 1967. Mina is an Italian pop legend who was on the scene from the late fifties to the missed seventies. From wikipedia: Mina dominated the Italian charts for fifteen years and reached an unsurpassed level of popularity in Italy. She has scored 77 albums and 71 singles on the Italian charts.

I actually like her take better than Nancy Sinatra, Tarantino should have used this version in Kill Bill.

Hugs,

April