Christmas day has come and only just gone here in Ontario and I am ready to go to bed. A long day, children were up at 7:01 exactly and raring to go!
Pancakes, bacon, coffee then the great unwrapping.
Friends and relatives came by, at four in the afternoon "J" and the children departed as is custom to my brother in laws for Christmas dinner. Not being invited I instead burnt through many gallons of crushed dinosaur juice in the Lincoln visiting my parents, friends both trans and otherwise with Christmas puddings in hand.
I had a nice time and the go go afternoon and evening flitting from pillar to post was an exhilarating change from the normal apres turkey catatonia.
The Lincoln responded well to its gift of new spark plugs and rotor, blasting along the traffic jam free QEW highway at 80 MPH with the cruise on and Christmas carols on the radio was a great gift.
Some great presents, spa day card, earrings, necklace, hat, gloves and a book I had been waiting to read, feel quite spoiled.
OK last Christmas tune of the season and for a change this year I am sad to see it go. The Beach Boys with Little St. Nick, an alternate version faster than the original borrowing from Drive In and Cherry Cherry Coupe.
Don't worry I am not going to lay some anti-commercialism of Christmas rant on you. Rather consider this a tribute to all parents out there staying up late into the night wrapping presents only to face the terrors of some assembly required come Christmas morn.
I even made it to church this evening (children were beyond fidgety), though they made up for it earlier by presenting us with their renditions of their favourite Phineas and Ferb Christmas songs. I have included a sample below for those of you who do not have children of a certain age.
Also one of my favourite Christmas songs ever, The Sonics Santa Claus. Love the line, "I want a brand new car, twangy guitar and cute little honey and lots of money." Well don't we all! Size and gender of your honey may vary , some settling may occur during shipping.
Since I am running out of time I have a few other Xmas gems, Charlie Rich with Santa Claus' Daughter.
Church was also a chance to finally wear the black lace skirt and gold blouse I had bought ages ago. Even did my nails in matching gold.
Morning was spent on last minute shopping and for a change of place cleaning the plugs on the Lincoln and installing the specially ordered distributor cap and rotor. Amazingly got a new old stock piece with brass contacts not the easy to corrode aluminium ones you usually get nowadays. Even vintage cars need a Christmas present.
Get some sleep and have a great Christmas morning.
Off for some last minute Christmas shopping today, making sure we watch the pennies.
Bank in the morning to sign some papers, felt like total crap and quite uncomfortable as I am not working. Just feeling off today, feeling ugly and like I am not passing at all. Put me in a terrible mood, argued with "J". Made me feel even worse. Ate a good half bag of barbecue potato chips….my one weakness.
Once again thank God for modern pharmaceutical science.
Waiting in line at Canadian Tire parts counter, guy starts explaining that I have the wrong furnace filters. Turns out he was just back from Afghanistan servicing HVAC systems. You really need the corrugated paper style that you cannot see through he tells me. Gave him a big smile and picked out the other kind (assume I passed!).
Turns out the store no longer stocks distributor cap and rotors…OMG I feel old. Next time I will ask where is the kerosene for my horseless carriage's headlamps.
Think I am just about over feeling sorry for myself. Will try to channel some traditional Christmas cheer and help bake cookies. Maybe watch the Alastair Sim's Christmas Carol later and cry when Tiny Tim lives.
I know I don't have it as bad as many transitioners and I should be more grateful for what I have, the support I have and the continuing friendship of so many.
It is a tough road for many of us so a double shot of Christmas blues to hopefully mellow you out from that mincemeat pie high and contemplate what we have to thankful for. Some of us are alone this season so pick up the phone, e-mail or just go visit them.
I seem to be writing about nothing but passing recently. Sorry to add another post on this topic but as I have been out and about recently it means I am meeting old acquaintances anew or meeting people for the first time as April.
Thursday morning found me at JPG Exhaust in Oakville getting an estimate on a terrible exhaust leak on the driver's side of my 76 Mark IV. Turned out they could not help as it was a deteriorated manifold gasket and they only touch the pipes back.
A great shop and very pleasant to deal with, they did the custom system on my Corvette and the original dual system on the Lincoln which it still wears over a decade ago.
Anyway I didn't seem to raise any suspicions when I entered the shop. After their inspection they kindly informed me that I would need a mechanic to repair the manifold leak. That would be me I volunteered, I assumed I was passing as this seemed to catch them off guard. You replaced the other manifold gasket yourself!?! Yes I replied, took almost three weeks to loosen all the bolts with penetrating oil. They seemed suitably impressed. We bid each other Merry Christmas (how delightfully unPC) and I left head held high.
Next stop Mississauga to have the Lincoln undercoated and take photos for an article on rust proofing. Again things seemed to go well, however they were expecting a him as I had arranged the photo shoot with the VP at the rust proofing company's head office who I had worked with on other projects over the past few years.
I received a call later in the day from a slightly quizzical VP as to who actually visited his shop earlier in the day. Whoops, I told him it was a long story, that the location had done an outstanding job and that I would send him an e-mail explaining all.
I quickly kicked the children off the Mac and sent my standard coming out/going full time letter. We talked later on the phone, it seems the franchise owner was a little surprised by me and called saying that the the person from the magazine might be transsexual. The VP knowing the franchise owner is also a practical joker responded, oh that can't be (insert my old name here)! Good news is that he now knows and it is not an issue. Offered his support and amazement that I transitioned in such a male dominated industry. Though I don't know I can say I am still in that industry when I am not working full time.
Swung by garage doing safety on the Seville (again greeted by "hi guy"….really not dressed as fancy as yesterday, I mean does he call everyone that?). Bad news is Seville needs new lower ball joints, not expensive but once you add in labour at almost $95 per hour it gets prohibitive, may have no choice but to do myself or postpone. Not a job this girl looks forward to especially if I do it outside!
Made sure I was back on time to pick up oldest daughter and then home to start dinner.
Some more rockabilly Christmas treats and vintage cars doing donuts in the snow!
Enjoyable time getting my hair trimmed at DV8 Salon in Niagara Falls, such a cool place and proprietor Ron makes every visit so fun. Terrible drive there rain all the way but at least it was not snow.
Trying to be a good girl, just a coffee and muffin on the way back and no purchases at the big outlet mall despite there being a Coach store.
Staff at the salon were great, compliments on my makeup and appearance. Happy with the look.
On the way back popped into the garage to check on the safety inspection (like an MOT in England) for my 85 Cadillac Seville. Entered the office and came face to face with the owner's wife who used to work with "J" and who I had met on a few occasions.
I am positive she didn't recognize me as she asked my name and which car I was here to pick up. I had talked to the mechanic a few months ago when I was considering buying the car as his garage had done all the maintenance for the previous owner. When I booked it in yesterday he must have wrote up the work order under my male name.
Informed that I was here he emerges from the garage and greets me, "What's up guy?" WTF I mean I hadn't even said boo yet, really do I look so much like my old self I was certainly not dressed as a guy! (see photo). Additionally put out by the fact the car was not ready as being mis gendered.
Here is the Christmas Race by the Refreshments, a band you may know from backing Dave Edmunds (they certainly have his sound) as well as the guys behind the King of the Hill theme. Check out their whole catalog.
PS. Santa if you are reading this I want implants or a white on white Lincoln Mark V with a matching white mink. Thanks in advance April over and out. Oh yeah peace on earth and goodwill yada yada yada
Here is a Christmas tune completely free of schmaltz and even a little risque by Loretta Lynn. Shame it is not heard more in the typical Christmas/MOR radio play lists. Maybe it is in your neck of the woods but a first time for me.
Released in 1966 her Country Christmas album reached number 103 on the Billboard charts. Another great tune to be found on the album is I Won't Decorate Your Christmas Tree….now what did I say about risque.
Off to Niagara Falls tomorrow to get my hair trimmed, bangs too long and spoiling the overall look. Long way to go for a hair cut but if you find someone who knows what they are doing with you it is best to stick with them. In my former persona I went to the same barber for about twenty years, I guess he may be wondering what ever happened to me.
Being transsexual means one best be able look at things in a humorous light, the old adage of not knowing whether to laugh or cry is most apt.
Today I met my father for lunch, we had enjoyable chat about his coming (possible) retirement from career number two, getting ready for Christmas and old cars.
In the parking lot saying our goodbyes and standing by our respective vehicles, a large SUV appears and a rather tattooed gentlemen called out nice car (referring to my Lincoln of course) is it yours addressing my dad.
No he yells back across the parking lot, "its his!" I must have made a rather sour face as he quickly corrected himself and said hers. The SUV drivers responds "be careful she won't like that." My dad adds its for sale want to buy it....why does everyone think I have too many cars. I do like money too (and I know where there is a great 79 Mark V Givenchy edition for sale) so I named a price.
By the way I was dressed up, black boots, nylons, skirt, silver blouse and my new to me black fur coat. I had a voice appointment in Toronto that evening and wished to blend with all the other business women on the commuter train.
SUV guy gets out to check out the Lincoln, while I was showing him the custom built 460 my voice betrayed me and he gives me a look and says, the other guy wasn't kidding was he? Adding that he meant no offence, none taken I reply but I will be adding $500 on to the asking price.
Oh well not all meetings can be like the one at church the other day. Here is Ike and Tina for your Christmas listening pleasure.
Sunday I went to church, the first time as April. The children were in the nativity pageant and asked that I be there. It is "J's" place of worship and previously I only attended for Easter and Christmas services.
We were both a little uncertain about April making her debut but it went well and neither of us noticed any weird looks. The children's presentation was so cute, Joseph and Mary, wise men, angel, sheppard's and sheep and even hybrid angel sheep.
After the service there was coffee and cookies in the hall, despite not wanting to expose myself any more than I had too the siren call of caffeine won out and I ventured into the gathered multitude.
A few knew about me but most didn't. The children were sitting with friends and "J" was nowhere to be found so I sat down by myself. Within a minute a very nice lady joined me. Had I been there before, hmm a difficult question, I eventually settled on no. We had a conversation about her trips to Italy and Egypt and last minute gift shopping. She even introduced me to "J".
Needless to say I was very happy to have passed and on cloud nine for the rest of the day.
Today's tune is Florence Ballard, the true voice of the Supremes singing Oh Holy Night. Her tough life and mistreatment by Motown lends the song even greater poignancy.
Photos, a) 1965 Supremes in London, love Flo's coat
b) Flo and husband at their home in Detroit with a 68 Eldorado
I hope you are still with me after those Ravonettes posts, "J" told me to stop playing such depressing Christmas music. I have something a little more up tempo but somewhat homicidal as my seasonal offering today.
Lots to do on my Lincoln but too cold to do any work outside. I think I will have to put the Seville on the road as I don't really trust anyone to work on the Mark and break things except for me. I am also a lot cheaper and don't charge extra for screwing things up.
Off to the bank to renegotiate the mortgage today, "J" knew exactly what she wanted so I felt rather useless and was so embarrassed to have to say I had been laid off when the banker asked had my salary changed. Oh yea plus the added stress of meeting someone for the first time as April.
She said don't be depressed you are living the dream, staying at home and watching the children, guess it is all in how you look at it. Nevertheless I still want a new job.
Anyone who reads this blog know I love the Ravonettes, a Danish duo who combine a fifties/sixties feel with a dark modern sound. They released a four track Christmas EP in 2008, here are my two favourites.
Be warned their music is hypnotic and beautiful but really a bit of a downer (death, suicide, obsession) so make sure you haven't skipped your meds.
What a week, seemed to have escaped injury by a hair's breadth, slipped on the stairs and fell badly into the basement (you should see the bruise on my hip…or not), smashed my head into the sharp corner of the stoves range hood, the Lincoln (and the children and I) were almost hit by an 18 wheeler making a wide turn.
The Ravonettes, Christmas Song is the 2001 version, the 2011 is nice too but a little too precious.
Hugs,
April
(Betty image thanks to http://photobombshell.blogspot.com/)
I have always found the Christmas season at bit melancholy, the celebrations tinged with sadness for those who are no longer with us and the fleeting nature of the peace and fellowship even the "grinchiest" of us feel.
I always cry when watching A Christmas Carol and It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas eve.
This Christmas will be the last for us as an intact family and next year will be even tougher. But Christmas is also about hope for a new start, this year my first as April. So as we countdown the days to Christmas as I know my children are doing I plan to post a new Christmas tune each day.
First up to bat is my guy Billy Fury, revered in the UK but unfortunately not so well known in North America. Here is his only Christmas offering:
I seem to have slipped into a bad habit of falling asleep after I have put the children to bed then waking up still dressed, makeup on and contacts in at midnight. Then I will return to the computer and work or e-mail or just futz around for an hour or two.
This means my sleep patterns are all messed up and I wake up tired. A side effect are some rather weird dreams most of which disappear like ill remembered phantoms once I have had that first cup of coffee.
Some are trans related, reflecting concerns about being read or last night dreaming I was stealth then outed at work.
Or in other cases the convoluted fantasies of my own pop culture obsessions. I dreamed I was a Hollywood producer trying to explain why I green lighted an Elvis movie (GI Blues) directed by Ed Wood featuring the cast of Le Carrousel in Paris with music written by Hasil Adkins and Delores Fuller.
For those of you with a more normal taste in movies and music I will save you the trouble and will provide links to explain why those elements would have made it the best movie ever!
Le Carrousel: April Ashley top middle and a rare shot of Coccinelle with black hair, Amanda Lear with short dark hair to the right of Kiki Moustic.
Elvis needs no introduction of course, except to say that he must be of extraterrestrial origin as no one from this planet could be that cool.
Ed Wood was the director of some of the worst or best grade Z movies ever made (think Plan 9 from Outer Space). He was also a confirmed cross dresser who made the film Glen or Glenda to explain his obsession and to capitalize on the story of trans woman Christine Jorgensen.
Ed Wood: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Wood
Also check out the bio pick starring Johnny Depp, highly recommended.
Le Carrousel inParis was a very popular club that featured the top acts in female impersonation, many of the girls going on to have SRS with pioneering surgeon Dr. Georges Burou. Their number included Coccinelle, April Ashley, Amanda Llear (though she denies it), Bambi and many more.
Paris seemed so romantic in the fifties, I wish I could have seen it then. I did visit as a child and retuned a few years ago for work.
(above; Amanda Lear, Coccinelle and below Bambi)
Hasil Adkins was a West Virgina mountain man and rockabilly legend who specialized in the most primitive rockabilly ever stamped onto vinyl. A lack of commercial success never deterred him and was eventually discovered in the eighties by a wider audience. His demented She Said was even covered by the Cramps.
http://hasiladkins.com/biography.php
Dolores Fuller was Ed Woods girlfriend and co star in Glen or Glenda and Jail Bait, inexplicably going on to write songs for some of Elvis movies in the sixties, including Do the Clam and Steppin out of Line…the first even covered by the Cramps.
Really truth is stranger than fiction. Another Elvis connection apparently he did meet April Ashley while on leave in Paris, at least according to her, a possibility but a picture would be nice.
So I hope I have contributed to your cultural corruption and no I have not been hitting the eggnog to hard before bed.
Sorry no earth shattering insights into being transsexual just a post about the boring stuff I did today.
Had a set of "car show" tires that came with my Corvette but they were too dried out and cracked to be safe for use. I finally got my act together and took them to the dump…after getting all the collected rain water out of them. Since it has been below freezing most of it came out in solid form. Did you know you can fit four full size tires in the trunk of a 76 Buick Electra and not even have to take out the spare?
Normally I would not get dressed up to dispose of junk but I also had to drop by my old employer (the job I left voluntarily because I knew they would not accept me transitioning) to collect a formal record of employment. I had them leave it with reception as they don't know about me "yet". Not that I care that much now.
Although they had not seen my Electra I was worried they would recognize it as just the type of car "he" used to drive. They would remember the Cadillac and the Lincoln so I left them at home. I forgot my sunglasses so I couldn't play international woman of mystery. "J" at reception was as completely unflappable as I remember her. A little disappointed she recognized me but did say I had nice legs.
I didn't stop by to say hello to anyone else as it is not that much of a friendly place and by no means did I want to run into my old boss.
Made it home by three no thanks to traffic to pick up the children after school and make dinner. So ends my exciting day, really I just wanted to share this picture with you, despite the shadow across my face I really like it.
I heard from World of Wheels magazine, they commissioned a story on rust proofing, yes money.
So what colour did I choose…bright red!
Well Christmas is fast approaching and despite being out of work I feel a little bit of the Christmas spirit trying to displace my inner Scrooge. Here is The Creepshow's version of The Ramones, Merry Christmas Baby, I Don't Want to Fight Tonight, great rocking version with a supercharged Buddy Holly feel.
I had a post complete with photo, graphics and a song already to go but I decided not to use just yet. I wrote it feeling very angry with the world but I feel a little better now. I will save it when I am totally pissed off again, you likely won't have to wait that long.
Sorry about the photo I know it is out of focus...I was in a rush.
Winter is almost upon us, in this part of Southern Ontario we have been spared the indignity of any meaningful snow fall. Instead we have had a few blustery days and light overnight dusting that disappear with the coming dawn. Each little appearance of snow is like a blackmailers letter cut up from random words in the newspaper, an ominous threat of trouble to come.
I am behind in preparing my fleet of cars (collector or hoarder…I will leave it for the reality shows to decide) for winter duty and for others storage. The Corvette finally ran for shelter in my mother's garage (thanks mom!!!), the Electra is booked in for rust proofing next week and the storage. The Lincoln has a somewhat quieter exhaust, still needs more work, new alternator and may yet require a tune up in the form of plugs, wires, cap and rotor. Nevertheless she is moving on her own now.
So as you can tell I have been spending more time on the cars than I have in quite a few months, including visiting parts stores, re builders and running into "fellow" enthusiasts. Despite trying hard to avoid it working on vintage cars means getting dirty. I wear girl jeans, t shirt, guys work shirt winter jacket etc. As I explained earlier on in this blog, the time spent on cars was the only period where I was not consumed by thoughts of gender dysphoria. Ironic now that when I have spent some quality time with my Detroit born children I fell too male. I actually asked "J" today if I looked any different..less female… such was my paranoia.
Perhaps it was just the clothes…haha
Took the Lincoln for a quick spin and pulled into a parking lot to check the idle speed, I was approached by a guy who wanted to know all about the car. Turns out he was a big Ford fan. I spoke freely and didn't hide my knowledge of cars, did he read me, didn't seem to be any indication but then again Canadians are known to be awfully polite. Same thing happened two weeks ago with the Buick, that time I was positive I passed but they guy didn't clearly know what to make of a woman so into cars.
Slow on the job front, more resumes to get out.
I informed the car magazine that I write for as a freelancer about my name and gender change. They were very nice and had no problem with a new byline. The last two articles I wrote were published under my old name, next months will be the first as April. If you are in Canada check out your news stand for World of Wheels, I am sure you can guess which are my stories.
Off to do something feminine, like paint my nails metal flake pink, now that would make a cool colour for a 72 Mark IV.
Here is Joey Ramone with a great tune I have been blasting all week, sure to put a smile on your face. And the equally infections Dahlmanns tribute.
