On Ramp, Stand On It!

Friday was my fourth and second official visit to CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health) at the same time.

To explain, I originally went to CAMH in late 2009 after which I diagnosed with GID, I did not go back until 2011 when I changed jobs and was free to set a date for going full time. 

I followed the familiar path along the QEW (Queen Elizabeth Way) highway up Spadina Avenue to the CAMH building again in October 2012 to show them I had met all their major requirements for surgery….living full time for over year, name change and working as myself.

So yesterday was my second official visit leading to surgery. I had to be interviewed by two psychiatrists and be able to explain the surgery in detail, the risks and my plans for recovery. I made sure I prepared as well as I would for any interview.

The weather was cold and snow forecast for later in the day so I decided to take the commuter train instead of driving. Dressed in conservative business attire I nonchalantly boarded the train to Toronto, back in 2009 I would not have had the confidence to sit cheek by jowl with my fellow commuters.

Union Station

I felt a pang of longing for my old routine of journeying to Yonge and Bloor everyday on the train to work in banking….well more for the pay cheque than the commute.

At Union Station (my favourite old building in Toronto) I decided to walk up through the financial canyons to my appointment. Near city hall I turned left along Queen Street, which still claims to be the hip centre of Toronto, I passed Kops (a record store) where I spent my lunch money on vintage rockabilly 45s and over priced European imports. The Horseshoe Tavern where I had seen the Sun Rhythm Session and The Razorbacks.

Now I felt free to look in the windows of the designer boutiques I passed. In the bad old days those clothes were a symbol of a world I could only dream of inhabiting. I feared any furtive glance would lay my secret self bare.

The two meeting went very well and I was told unofficially I am on my way. I still have to wait two months for the board to meet to find out officially. 

Assuming I receive my funding approval  the date for SRS will be another three to six months (possibly longer) in the future. So 2013 looks to be my year! the surgery will be in Montreal with Dr. Brassard.

The sense of relief even at this point was immense, a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Later that Day I visited Bobbi and Alex in the city where we enjoyed some delicious Thai food and discussed our shared experience as great fluffy flakes of snow turned the city from dirty Soviet grey to glowing white.

I would have stayed later but I had been up at five am and was beginning to seriously crash and burn. Bobbi drove me to the subway and I rode it back to Union. Avoiding the temptation of everything from McDonalds to Cinnabon in the station I caught the 9:45 back to Burlington.

The Lincoln dusted in snow faithfully started on the first crank. Home, dinner and bed in that order. 

In honour of Cass and and her narrow escape from a van full of ninjas here is her future boyfriend: 

crying, waiting, hoping

Hugs,

April