Sunday was a beautiful day, I had gone into the big city that morning and watched my girls swim in the afternoon.
Late in the day I made a quick run to the supermarket (I like use the archaic 1950s term Foodliner…just sounds so sleek and modern) and ran into a relative I had not seen in two years.
She spotted me first though it took me a heartbeat to recognize her. Caught off guard I experienced the resurrection of some buried and still rather raw feelings.
I admire this person but since my transition she has broken off contact. I kind of understand her reasons for no longer inviting me into her home but I feel hurt that there was no communication by either phone, e-mail or even a time made to meet over coffee.
My reaction was so severe I felt the fight or flight response kick in. I remained polite and she explained her reason for not associating with me. We hugged with vague promises of contact after Montreal. I could not help still feeling like a pariah, an untouchable, a deviant.
I was so angry and embarrassed I could hardly finish my shopping. That evening I had to go for a long walk to burn off all the bad feelings.
Hmmmm. Not nice but good for you keeping it together. I hope you don't dwell too long on this. Painful granted but her loss, she loses contact with you - a butterfly about to blossom?
ReplyDeleteSo you felt embarrassed about..... what, exactly?
ReplyDeleteWhat's to admire about her? Doesn't sound as if she's worth the energy you've expended.
The hell with her.
April,
ReplyDeleteSorry you are having a rough week. That company was very stupid and ignorant to do that to you. Unfortunately, many of them (and government agencies hiring people) are like that today. I have been recently applying for jobs and nowadays you don't even get an e-mail back saying that they got your resume, let alone that you have been rejected for an interview.
If I may tell you of an infuriating story from the early days of my first Transition (FAILED)...
I once interviewed with a Bank (Finance job) in the American Deep South when I was in my mid-20s. The interview went great, like really great. The male interviewer closed his book as we finished up and said "If you tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it. But, I could never hire you for this job. You could never sell any loans to our customers. As soon as you open your mouth, they'd say "no" to doing business with you and us." Now, I am from the North (or Union side of the Border, I guess) and I do not have a heavy or fully recognizable accent). But, for a Southern Bank HR Manager to not hire me for my accent/where I grew up - told me that the world is full of prejudices/ignorances/lack of confidences in one's own product. While I was shocked to say the least, I for some reason came out of it thinking that I would never do any such thing to someone else ever.
BTW, this job was my best shot coming out of grad school for being able to pay off my student loans and transitioning (I was on low-level hormones, doing electrolysis and in therapy). After more job interviewing in the south (Recession of 1993) and not landing anything like so many other grads, I had to return home with my tail between my legs and never recovered pretty much. However, I did meet my wife and have two kids that I would never have had if I got that job.
HR Reps suck and a lot of companies do also. But there are some good ones out there and you will land something soon. You are too talented. Free-lancing is hard, I know too well. Please keep your chin up. You are too beautiful to caste a dark shadow over yourself. : )
Good luck and Keep Fighting Like A Girl!
Karin
What they all said, sis. :c)
ReplyDelete== Cass