"Meet the new boss/Same as the old boss".

I met with an old boss the other evening to discuss maybe coming to work for him. I am interested in the opportunity but being a young company there are some risks. There are definite benefits too. A big plus is that I could work from home, allowing more time for children, less after school day care dollars and almost as important more time spent as April in preparation for going full time.

The offer is not set in stone but if it materializes I would be inclined to accept because I CANNOT transition in my current job. The old boss has always struck me as a live and let live kinda guy and at least the possibility of acceptance is there.

If we get to a firm offer I was seriously considering telling him about me first. Initially this struck me as a good idea, fast track to full time etc… After speaking with my wife and a little more reflection it may well be better to wait. An admission that I am Trans and will transition on the job may well put the kibosh on the deal.

Instead, if I come on board I will work like a demon to make the company a success and after six months or a year assuming I have not made a mess of things tell him that I am transitioning.

The period up to then can be put to good use living part time as April, working on my voice and getting everything ready for going full time. I am still impatient though! I wish I could start a new job as April tomorrow.

Super long day yesterday, after the meeting I drove him home then headed home switched vehicles and did the grocery shopping at midnight. Thank goodness for 24 hour supermarkets. I staggered around like a zombie checking items off my shopping list. Drove home, unloaded then into bed by 2:00 AM up four hours later to start all over again. Yawwwnnnn.

Hugs,

April

Baby Ride Easy

I know I say this all the time but what a busy weekend. All the usual stuff with addition of putting one of the fleet into dry dock. End of day yesterday my wife and I drove into the deepest depths of rural Ontario to place the 1972 Lincoln Continental Mark IV into winter storage.

Sure there is still room in the driveway (it will hold four of Detroit’s most insolent chariots) but moving them all each time you need to shovel the driveway is a real bother. Last year was quite mild and I could count on one hand the days I had to shovel. This year I don’t think we can count on being so blessed by Mother Nature.

The 72 Mark IV is a summer only car so she gets to spend the winter hibernating like the Corvette which is at my mom’s garage (thanks mom!). The Mark had only recently received a new rebuilt carburetor but ran well on the hour plus journey to the middle of nowhere.

It was quite a journey and rather uncertain without the benefit of a GPS device. At one point we turned down a little a dirt road which was shrouded by a canopy of leafless trees. The sun was a great orange ball just dipping below the horizon. We both had the same thought that the scene looked like something out of a fairy tale. At any moment one was expecting a dragon to emerge from the darkening woods.

The 72 is now tucked away in an insolated barn for the winter, I hope she has pleasant dreams until we collect her in the spring.

The busy weekend meant no time out as April resulting in only sporadic bitchiness on my part. I did make up for it partially, by getting myself cleaned up and curling up on the coach in a nightgown and robe to watch the second episode of the Walking Dead. I love zombie movies but do admit to finding this series almost too intense to watch.

http://www.amctv.com/originals/The-Walking-Dead/

My natural hair is getting a bit long and I am not sure about getting it cut as I am loath to go back to my old male hairstyle. Starting to look a little like Dave Edmunds in the seventies! Now that is a good segue, here is Dave and his fine mane of hair with the beautiful Carlene Carter dueting on Baby Ride Easy. It seems they are on the set of a British kids show:

In Dreams

Normally I don’t put much store in dreams and besides I am usually too exhausted to dream much at all. The other night I had a remarkably real (hyper realistic?) dream where I was in a job interview. I know other people’s dreams can be boring so I will try and keep it brief.

I sat across from the female interviewer separated by a desk in a modern open plan office environment. I was not dressed as April but as “him” in a conservative suit and tie. The interview was going very well and I remember thinking that this seemed like a great place to work. It was only then that I gazed down at my feet, no shoes! And OMG lavender painted toe nails. I looked up and the interviewer was looking down at my feet as well. I felt myself simultaneously pale and go red with embarrassment.

We looked up at the same time and as our eyes met she gave me a conspiratorial wink then said, “The boss is a bit old fashioned but you shouldn’t have any problem as April”.
It seemed I got the job. On waking I was rather disappointed it was all a dream.

Obviously wish fulfillment, as the one thing standing in my way is a job I can transition at. The universe and I better conspire to make this dream a reality.

Hugs,

April

The Shadow Knows

As I mentioned yesterday I did make it out on the weekend but it was a close thing. No I am not talking about my emotional breakdown; I almost cancelled as I was not happy with the way I looked.

I have been undergoing laser hair removal on my face since the spring and I believe I just had my fifth appointment. I paid in advance for six treatments and as many follow up sessions as it takes to get rid of all black hairs. Funded through the sale of some car parts and articles I wrote. There are some white ones too but the less said about those the better.

About two months ago I was able to get away with just foundation, no Dermablend, just like a real woman. However some dormant hairs came through and it was back to the heavy makeup to hide any shadow. During the latest session last Thursday they set the phasers to kill and though I applaud the take no prisoners approach all those dead hairs simply lay on the surface and don’t fall out for about two weeks.

On the Saturday a close shave still left me looking like Richard Nixon and even Dermablend seemed to do little to hide the dreaded shadow. I know it is a temporary thing but it plays havoc with my self confidence. I continued to get dressed and though happy with my outfit I was really torn about going out.

Wife and children gave thumbs up to the sweater dress and boots (it is getting cold here) but my irrepressible middle child said I need a shave. I could have died.

If I hadn’t promised to meet Marissa I think I would have stayed home. Yesterday and today’s photo is from Saturday. If you think I am going to show you the ones I think you can see a shadow in you are gravely mistaken. Such is the vanity of the transgendered.

I don’t think I looked too bad and I did enjoy my time out. But I am not venturing out in public again until the latest lasered crop fall out and my face is clearer. This weekend? Next weekend?

Hugs,

April

19th Nervous Breakdown

Saturday always goes by in a blur, children’s activities, shopping, chores inside and outside the house. Extra work last weekend as it was Halloween and pumpkins had to be carved. Nothing like having your arm deep in pumpkin guts to get in the spirit of things….maybe its good for the skin. I carved three in record time. Not a bad showing this season, if I say so myself.

I admit I was disappointed about not getting out for Halloween as April. I had a last minute invite to a costume party but circumstances meant I could not attend.

The plan Saturday evening was to see my friend Marissa for coffee. The hours ticked by but I hadn’t had a chance to get ready or even pick out an outfit. No one could decide on what they wanted for dinner and everyone seemed out of sorts. Perhaps it was the changing weather but tempers flared and my wife and I argued.

I fell apart; I retreated to the bedroom and sobbed, a full breakdown. Overwhelmed with frustration and despair.

It is hard to recapture the intensity of the emotions; in fact it seems rather silly now. In reality I have much to be thankful for. My wife came in and was very supportive recognizing the stress I am under and the frustration of not living as who I am. She encouraged me to get ready and go out, which after dinner I did.

Apologies for being AWOL, on location filming yesterday and filming on set again today, two interviews.

To all those reading south of the border, no not Mexico, south of our border, yes in the USA get out and vote…let the Force guide you.

Oh yeah one more thing I have a cold, not the full blown Captain Trips but I do feel like one of the walking dead right now.

Once again the Rolling Stones…

More Notes From Suburbia

Halloween is only days away and the children were allowed to wear their costumes to school. My wife delivered the princess and the Hogwarts student I drove the vampire in the Mark IV. It was heart warming, they were so excited, it was great to see children just happy being children. I pity the teachers though I am sure no work will get done today.

I am a little put out as I don’t get to dress up. I thought about taking the children trick or treating in a female costume (Morticia Addams perhaps) but we discussed it and my wife didn’t think it was a good idea. The neighbors will eventually know about me and she didn’t want them to think it was all a game.

The ironic thing is that for the first time in my life I am invited to a costume party. An excuse to dress up! Do you know how long the old me was waiting for just such an opportunity! But will have to pass for the same reason given above.

I don’t even know if I will get out this weekend and on this our tribes most important holiday.

Grease under my nails again as I spent an hour last night working on the vacuum operated light doors on the 76 Lincoln Mark IV. I think I finally found the leaking vacuum hose that was causing a terrible hissing noise when the lights were on. Sounded like a displeased cat trapped somewhere under the cavernous hood (bonnet to you British readers).

Bad news is that a brake line ruptured. The Mark has four wheel disk brakes with normally excellent stopping power. Have to get to my mechanic at lunch to have repaired….I can’t do everything you know.

Enough bitching, I am extremely blessed with great children, an understanding wife and some seriously cool parents. I hope you read the posts “Thanks Mom” and “Telling Dad”. The statistical probability of having two supportive parents makes me want to run out and by a lottery ticket. My heart is so much lighter having told them and in turn their acceptance of me….April.

Hugs

PS. Halloween themed pictures are works by Shag, (a favorite artist of mine) commemorating the 40th anniversary of Disney’s Haunted Mansion, which also happens to be my favorite Disney ride.

http://www.shag.com/

Thanks Mom

I have been blogging for a little while now and although my mom knew she had not read it. She does know about me.

She had recently bought a lap top and is busy discovering the internet in earnest. So I took a chance and emailed her the link to my blog.

The other day at work I received a reply, with trepidation I read it then began to cry.

I hope she does not mind but here is part of the message:

"I cannot imagine how much turmoil you must have been in, and still are, but giving voice, however one does it, is so important … I struggled along with your anger and frustration in one blog and wished I could have helped, so have cried and empathized along with you, as well as admiring the photos. I would be proud to introduce you as my daughter".

I will treasure these words forever.

Thanks Mom

Hugs,

April