Tears and Frozen Toes

Another blur of a weekend. And up early this morning to have the Electra flat bedded to the garage for her safety check.

So cold waiting for CAA to show up I didn't think my poor toes would ever be warm again.

We had my friend and therapist Bill over for dinner on Saturday night. Didn't make him talk shop but by the end of the evening that is what happened. Turned into a couples session before we knew it.

"J" had a lot to say and though it was not hurtful or mean spirited, it was hard to hear. I am very glad she could expresses her self to me, she so often holds in her emotions in check to protect everyone else's feelings. She is supportive and understands why I need to transition but of course is upset too. It is hard to realize that she is loosing a husband and perhaps never had one to begin with.

There were a lot of tears from the both of us but I feel our relationship is stronger for it. I am still somewhat emotionally and physically exhausted as she no doubt is too.

The intense preoccupation with career matters and old cars temporarily banished the severity of my GID, whenever this happens the seeds of doubt plant themselves in my mind. I become afraid I cannot do this and that sometimes a little voice (like the cartoon devil on ones shoulder) says you don't have to transition, if you were only stronger, if you were a better person, you could fight this.

I KNOW that these doubts are WRONG, those who know me, realize these thoughts are wrong and self destructive. On Saturday night "J" and Bill helped me rediscover my confidence.

On Sunday I was able to take my renewed confidence and go out for a quick coffee with Marissa. I walked with my head up and looked people in the eye. Jeans, purple to and very little makeup. I am in that sweet spot between laser sessions where all the dead hairs come out and no shadow! I felt so great, so like my self that I didn't want to go to bed when I got home, the inner and outer were in harmony. To look in the mirror and to see who you want to be was exhilarating. I never wanted to stop being the woman I am inside.

I was uncomfortable with the word woman before, it seem loaded with so much hidden meaning, a title that no matter what surgery I had I could never lay claim to. Something has changed I think it is who I am, who I will be.

I feel like I am at the helm of an old sailing ship, there is a storm on the horizon, time to tackle it head on.

Hugs,

April

I have not listened to my old Shakin' Stevens albums for ages, found this one I have never heard before, think I like even more that Ricky's:

Scotland, Buicks and Bill Haley

It is a rare weekend post! I know you are asking yourself to what do we owe this great good fortune. First of all I am a stuck in the parent’s waiting room at ballet class and secondly in the comments the other day Louise mentioned Buicks Scottish connection.

Like all good things on this earth, Buicks have Scottish ancestry (well that is what my Scottish friends are always telling me). The founder of the Buick Motor Company was Scottish.

David Dunbar Buick, founder and namesake of the Buick Motor Company, was born on September 17, 1854 in Arboath, Scotland. He and his family immigrated to the New World when he was 2 years old.

David dropped out of high school at 15, helped run a plumbing business, the Buick & Sherwood Manufacturing Company. Buick was credited with at least 13 patents including those for a lawn sprinkler, bathtubs, and a flushing device. His most important invention in this field was a method for fixing enamel to cast iron that allowed for development of modern porcelain bathtubs and plumbing fixtures.

This business prospered and over the course of the 1880s but he sold out to his partner as he was too fond of messing about with cars. Buick pioneered the valve in head (OHV) engine and the first prototype made a successful run from Flint to Detroit in July 1904, production would start that year. Just like Henry Ford, the Buick Motor Company had to overcome the financial hurdles that beset any start up.

In November 1904, William "Billy" Durant, who went on to create General Motors became General Manager and director of the Buick Motor Car and forced Buick out by 1908. Buick later sold his stock for a mere $100,000. Had he held on to his shares, it would’ve been worth well over $100 million by the time of his death in the late twenties and today would be despite GM’s problems be nearly incalculable.

The famous Buick crest is also of Scottish origin. Created during the GM era, it is based on the Scottish "Buik" family crest. In 1960, the logo incorporated three shields, to represent the three Buick models then built: LeSabre, Invicta, and Electra.

Buick tried a number of other businesses but lightening wouldn’t strike for a third time. Forgotten and broke he died in 1929, his last job being as an instructor at the Detroit School of Trades.

Buick and Cadillac for that matter have survived the autopocalypse of the past few years and Buick I am sure to David's amazement is one of the best selling cars in China.

Well on my next trip to Motown I should stop at Woodmere Cemetery and pay my respects.
From a final interview given in 1928 he stated that he was not bitter and that “Success consists in looking ahead and forgetting the past.

Good advice for those of us born Trans, don’t live in regret and instead focus on building a successful future.

A Scottish themed musical choice, how about Bill Haley’s “Rockin’ Through the Rye”, sounds silly but actually it is extremely catchy.



Hugs,

April

Deuce and a Quarter

I am a Cadillac fan but I do love me some Buick. My first ride at 15 was a 1971 Centurion convertible that I didn’t really fully appreciate (of course I would love to have that car now). I wanted an Electra as it was longer and looked so cool with fender skirts.

More recently I had a 1970 Buick Riviera GS that was unfortunately written off by a careless driver in a Suburban.

I remember seeing lots of Electras on a family road trip that took us through Memphis. At the time these cars were only four or five years old. So I guess I wanted one of these even before I was smitten with 1959 Cadillacs.

My favorite Buick of all time (71-72 Riviera boat tails are darn close) is the 76 Electra Limited Landau coupe. The last of the big Electras before downsizing in 77 and also the last for the mighty 455 mill.

The 76 Electra Limited Landau coupe is surprisingly rare, I have only seen two for sale locally over the last decade or so. The original owner had after deciding to blow a wad of cash on the top of the line Buick had to upgrade to the plusher Limited model and then spend even more when he checked off the Landau roof option. So when a friend was selling his former one owner, never winter driven Electra coupe I jumped on it, promising “J” the spring will see the departure of some of my other cars.

The Deuce and a Quarter slang name for the Electra refers to the base Electra’s name, the Electra 225. The over length of the car was 225 inches, the name was retained even after the length increased 233.3 inches in the seventies.

Hugs,

April

Here is a clip from the movie I Got The Hook Up with a car chase involving a rather worn but still fast 76 Electra Limited Landau coupe:

To Walk the Earth

I delivered my resignation early this afternoon, I was very nervous but things went smoothly with only veiled threats about working in the same industry. We shall see…

The answer I wanted to give to the question why was I leaving, “to walk the earth like Caine from Kung Fu:

Jules: Well, that's what I've been sitting here contemplating. First, I'm going to deliver this case to Marcellus, then, basically, I'm just going to walk the Earth.

Vincent: What'cha mean, "walk the earth"?

Jules: You know, like Caine in Kung Fu, walk from place to place, meet people, get into adventures.

Vincent: And how long do you intend to walk the earth?

Jules: Until God puts me where he wants me to be.

Vincent: And what if he don't do that?

Jules: If it takes forever, then I'll walk forever.

Vincent: So you decided to be a bum?

Jules: I'll just be Jules, Vincent – no more, no less.

So no I didn’t get escorted out by security, darn could have with the paid vacation, instead I get two weeks of organizing almost a decade of work.

Hugs,

April

Last Days In the Bunker

I apologize for no post yesterday. I was still tying up some loose ends and any attempt at introspection would have been futile. I am committed to leaving and will resign tomorrow. I am afraid it may get ugly, not that I have or will do anything wrong, rather my current employer never seems to have heard of the emancipation proclamation.

I am wary of his long reach so I best not say anymore at this time. Hopefully lawyers will not become a necessity.

It has been nine years, my how time flies, it will feel odd to no longer make the usual morning commute but this is a change I HAVE to make. If I stayed I could NEVER transition. I have learned much in this job but it was well past the time to go, in my mind I have already gone.

Eva, keep burning the files…..


No the photo is not of Eva Braun but another fascist, Diana Mitford, wife of Sir Oswald Mosley. She was a famed beauty in her day and lived to be 93, still courting controversy. Evelyn Waugh exclaimed that her beauty "ran through the room like a peal of bells."

It’s Gonna Be Alright

Finally received the written job offer, I was so worried something had happened.

Although I love what I do, my current job had become a prison; I am so relieved I am getting out of here. Tears of happiness and relief.

Can I transition in the new job, unknown but that is better than I could ever expect here. I will be working primarily out of a home office so on those days it will be as April.

Oh yea, I am getting a new car (well by new I mean 35 years old, so new to me)! More about that later. And yes I will be getting rid of some of my other project vehicles.




Hugs,

April

PS. Picture is of b movie queen Mamie Van Doren

Badlands

As I am still waiting to find out about a promised new job opportunity I am going to stick with discussing movies, otherwise I think I will go mad.

Yesterday in the comments, Natasha mentioned Badlands, the 1973 Terrance Malik film loosely based on teen anti-hero/serial killer Charles Starkweather.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Starkweather

In reality the stolen car was a Packard but a much more evocative 59 Cadillac was the real star of this film. Check out the end of reel car chase between a 58 Ford police car and the rocket finned Caddy.



The Starkweather case had a huge cultural impact inspiring many movies and novels. Stephen King has used Starkweather like characters in a number of books and short stories, i.e. the novella Blockade Billy. In the Stand Randall Flagg went to school with Stalkweather.

Anyone notice that Alabama’s coat in True Romance looked a lot like mine, hmmmm no comment.

Hugs,

April