Bitch Goddess

Whatever dark pantheon of gods rule over the automotive world, the one who oversees vintage cars must be the most capricious.

After almost two weeks of hair pulling diagnosis and nearly breaking down into tears over my inability to solve the charging problem on the Seville, a breakthrough was made.

I took the new alternator to Oakville Starter and Alternator to test and it checked out fine. I told the fellow behind the counter the symptoms of my problem. He said loose belt, what do I look like an idiot of course I made sure the belt was tight.

Nope supposed to be very tight so that you can hardly turn the alternator by hand. The Seville 4.1 has a screw type device to pull accessories tight.

Re-installed, tightened and 14 plus volts!!!!!

Idle still a little unstable but mobile again. Drove on the highway with no issues.

Meanwhile having the Seville mobile again let me turn my attention to the ever faithful Lincoln Mark IV, through rain or shine she keeps moving on.

During the fall I had repaired the exhaust manifold gasket on the passenger side taking nearly a month to gradually loosen the cylinder head to manifold bolts with various miracle penetrating oils (PB Blaster is the best). The eight bolts took nearly a month and a half.

Of course the LH bank then started leaking. For most of the winter I drove around sounding like a soviet tank. I mean really how embarrassing!

Nevertheless she still, managed to receive her fair share of attention from the general public.

Treated my youngest to McDonalds for lunch (yes I am a terrible parent) as she had to spend a rather dull day with me while I tried to get work done. At the drive thru the attendant wanted to know what I was driving as she had received a request from someone working in kitchen as to what was that cool car.

When picking up my oldest, a gaggle of eighth grade girls commented, “that’s the coolest car I have ever seen” I assume they had not just escaped from North Korea. I had been feeling rather self conscious about my daily driver so it is always nice to see other appreciate seeing an older vehicle still earning its keep.

Not bad for a vintage model with a RH side manifold leak and peeling paint…. enough about me the Lincoln does manage to get some serious attention despite its cosmetic and aural limitations. So a big thumbs up to Wes Dhalberg, designer of the Mark IV!

Fully expecting more tears and heartbreak when I started the ritual of spraying oil on the LH side manifold bolts. After a brief day of sitting with liberal doses of penetrating oil, I had all the bolts off in less than two hours! By the end of the afternoon the new gasket was installed, even the manifold to exhaust pipe bolts came off without a struggle, amazing. Car is quiet again, well as quiet as a 460 with duals can be.

I guess that I had accumulated enough brownie points in automotive Valhalla struggling with the Seville to be granted a special dispensation on the Lincoln.

Hugs,

April

PS. Here are two cool punk cuts for reading all that car stuff....

The Running of the Sap

No I am not taking up the decathlon.

This week was March break and children are off from school. "J" and I took the opportunity to visit our old university friends in Coburg.

I always enjoy our visits but the last few have been tinged with sadness as I am constantly reminded that our “happy” family unit will soon be no more. The balance enjoyed between the two couples will be gone, will our visits be separate from now on.

I am the one who has transgressed the norm and broken the suburban détente. I am sure we will remain friends but the old allegiances and balance will no longer exist.

Still there was much laughter and good food. Even a side trip to pick up some fresh maple syrup. A rustic operation on the edge of the forest the air fragrant with the smell of maple candies. I pulled out the camera to capture the scene for this blog and was offered a tour of the facility by one of guys running the still?

Unlike the old bucket and cauldron the sap is collected by an intricate series of gravity fed plastic tubes. He took great pains describing the process and I quickly realized that I would not have had this privilege prior to September 30^th when I went full time. Womanhood, it has its privileges.

The plastic lines only natural enemies being bears and squirrels, the later gnaw them the other use them like straws to drink the maple sap.

I bought a bottle of syrup and one mind blowingly sweet maple candy to try. The other gentleman manning the operation remarked to my friend, “she has a sweet tooth doesn’t she?

I had been feeling rather morose and this proof that I was passing made my day.

Hugs,

April

I see your bear and raise you a Godzilla:

Cars and Girls the Way it Should Be

I dislike modern cars, they are on the whole dull boring and lacking in any sense of style and presence. Mere transportation cubicles for an age of fear and self flagellation. It was the pioneering Harley Earl (first GM styling VP) who said getting into a new car should be like taking a holiday,

Earl “wanted to design a car,” he said, “so that every time you get in it, it’s a relief — you have a little vacation for awhile.”

…..oh how far we have fallen.

There are only three cars in production that I would even consider buying new and making budget crippling payments on. The Corvette (ZR1 pretty please with sugar on it), the Dodge Challenger, the Mustang GT and maybe well OK the Camaro SS. No six cylinder “secretaries models" to use the sexist phrase, V8 high performance versions only. I am often asked what new car I would recommend, these are my answers. Odd since I prefer luxury cars but there has not been a personal luxury car since the Lincoln Mark VIII and Eldorado stopped production.

Having spent the last decade in marketing I appreciate a finely crafted advertisement, one that speaks to the viewer on a visceral level and sparks the desire for the new. The commercial for the 2013 Mustang would make Don Draper proud. The ending is what makes it. Each person viewing the Mustang imagines it their way (clever since Mustangs are one of the most heavily modified new cars).

In the last scene a little girl in a pink tutu sees hers in Barbie pink which is then immediately replaced by a black Shelby model, as the bad ass car cruises up to the corner her image is reflected back. Instead of a pink tutu she is a black swan / angel. A sound track from the Features, How it Starts is the icing on the cake.

I think the Mustang is now top of my list, now that is the power of advertising.

Here is the full song:

Hugs,

April

I Don’t Like Disco

Not a handy thing to dislike when first coming out, safe places, LGBT clubs, TO’s gay village have basically one kind of music…let’s just say that you better know Madonna’s discography pretty well.

Any reader of this blog will realize that rockabilly is a passion and with it all related genres (psychobilly, surf, sixties punk, garage, early country, fifties gospel, seventies punk etc). I mean I can appreciate seventies kitsch (look what I drive) and Boney M’s Rasputin and Abba are guilty pleasures.

But today I will make an exception, Miss Amanda Lear. A purposefully mysterious career that begins in late fifties Paris along with April Ashley, Bambi and Coccinelle…the goddesses of transsexuality. With a little help from Salvador Dali and what I would guess is her own ferocious ambition she became the queen of disco in the seventies and continued a vibrant career in television and the arts to this day.

I have tried to like her earlier music but it never really moved me despite recording a version of Elvis’ Trouble as her first 45. Her new album I Don’t Like Disco has at least three great tracks, La Bete et La Belle, Chinese Walk and the euphonious I Don’t Like Disco. Whomever produced the tracts knew best how to use her unique voice, quite hypnotic, can’t help but want to dance. Even a hint of the Ravonettes in the opening guitar work. Now there is a collaboration I would love to see.

Here is my favourite, oh to be so elegant, aloof and blond:

Hugs,

April

Welcome To My World

Created a You Tube Channel, so what is on it, really do you have to ask? Rockabillyboth ancient and modern (plus related genders, I mean genres), cars, and a bit of transsexual history.

So please join me over on the dark side…

http://www.youtube.com/user/MissStutz71

Not much new to report, working late every evening on my contract project.

One of my depressive moods arrived like an unwelcome guest, on the way back from a walk in the snow. I passed a local pub, as I walked by an attractive blond exited on the arm of her boyfriend, husband?

I felt such envy, no that is not right, longing is better, for what I was NOT I began to cry. My therapist would describe that as feeling "less than". He is certainly correct I felt a million times less than her, a pale and laughable imitation. I felt like lying down in the snow and letting the cold carry me away. The dysphoria has lessened since going full time but every so often it bites you in the ass.

How melodramatic and Russian sounding. Well it is nearly 3:00AM again, really I think there is something wrong with me....well besides the obvious one!

Here are the Dahlmanns with Going Down:

A Sad Chore

Monday was a provincial holiday in Ontario, Family Day. Besides sleeping in, I did manage to get some things done especially since the weather has been unseasonably mild. Up on the roof to take down the Christmas lights, removed the faulty alternator from the Seville and started cleaning out the garage to uncover the Stutz. Buried under a car cover and various boxes of parts like an Egyptian chariot in some long forgotten tomb. Appropriate as Stutz' s mascot is the Sun god RA.

It felt good to clear some working space around my dream car.

The Christmas lights were a rather sad task, I don't look forward to it anyway, calling it my annual death wish. The driveway slopes down under the house so at that point I am two stories above the driveway …it looks a long way down from up there.

The bitter sweet feeling was this was likely the last time I would complete this post Christmas early spring ritual. "J" has named a date for our separation, inevitable yes, only fair to let her move on but it is still terribly sad. Once we thought we were soul mates but I was the one that never revealed all of myself.

I would be more confident if I was working at a new career oriented position instead of freelancing.

In the evening both of us and the children shared a bowl of popcorn and instead of watching a movie, enjoyed a couple of episodes of I Love Lucy (Lucille Ball was another 1971 Stutz owner). Pleased to report that the children took to classic sitcom with much laughter.

Was it ever such a beautiful, simpler black and white time. I know it couldn't have been but I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for an era I never experienced first hand.

Failure to Proceed

No I am not talking about my life and transition though it does seem agonizingly slow sometimes.

Sunday evening get together was cut short by the Seville's failure to proceed, luckily I had enough warning, engine spluttering and loss of all instruments both analog and digital. I guided her into a gas station parking lot and shut her down. Nothing when I tried to restart, not even a click from the solenoid.

I did peek under the hood but was not dressed for mucking about with old cars as I had a short black skirt and sweater with three inch heeled boots and my favourite faux snow leopard jacket.

Time to call CAA (AA to you Brits), having shall we say an eclectic collection of motorcars I long ago worked out I would become a gold member, which offers multiple calls and towing services.

Not the battery like I thought but the alternator. The Seville and I retuned home (oh shame of shames) on the hook. I had used her all last week with nary a murmur of protest. I think the Lincoln was jealous and sabotaged the alternator.

Silver lining was that I passed 100% with the tow truck driver. As my CAA card is still in my male name (time to change that too) the driver said he was expecting a guy, "most of the Adrian's I meet are guys but I guess it can be a girls name too".

Interesting to see the different treatment one receives as female, shivering from waiting in a cold car for 45 minutes he says please get in the truck and keep warm ma'am.

Hugs,

April

PS. Already removed the offending alternator and have ordered a new one. The Lincoln was happy to be back on the road today.

Enjoy The Persian Claws