Created a You Tube Channel, so what is on it, really do you have to ask? Rockabillyboth ancient and modern (plus related genders, I mean genres), cars, and a bit of transsexual history.
Not much new to report, working late every evening on my contract project.
One of my depressive moods arrived like an unwelcome guest, on the way back from a walk in the snow. I passed a local pub, as I walked by an attractive blond exited on the arm of her boyfriend, husband?
I felt such envy, no that is not right, longing is better, for what I was NOT I began to cry. My therapist would describe that as feeling "less than". He is certainly correct I felt a million times less than her, a pale and laughable imitation. I felt like lying down in the snow and letting the cold carry me away. The dysphoria has lessened since going full time but every so often it bites you in the ass.
How melodramatic and Russian sounding. Well it is nearly 3:00AM again, really I think there is something wrong with me....well besides the obvious one!
Monday was a provincial holiday in Ontario, Family Day. Besides sleeping in, I did manage to get some things done especially since the weather has been unseasonably mild. Up on the roof to take down the Christmas lights, removed the faulty alternator from the Seville and started cleaning out the garage to uncover the Stutz. Buried under a car cover and various boxes of parts like an Egyptian chariot in some long forgotten tomb. Appropriate as Stutz' s mascot is the Sun god RA.
It felt good to clear some working space around my dream car.
The Christmas lights were a rather sad task, I don't look forward to it anyway, calling it my annual death wish. The driveway slopes down under the house so at that point I am two stories above the driveway …it looks a long way down from up there.
The bitter sweet feeling was this was likely the last time I would complete this post Christmas early spring ritual. "J" has named a date for our separation, inevitable yes, only fair to let her move on but it is still terribly sad. Once we thought we were soul mates but I was the one that never revealed all of myself.
I would be more confident if I was working at a new career oriented position instead of freelancing.
In the evening both of us and the children shared a bowl of popcorn and instead of watching a movie, enjoyed a couple of episodes of I Love Lucy (Lucille Ball was another 1971 Stutz owner). Pleased to report that the children took to classic sitcom with much laughter.
Was it ever such a beautiful, simpler black and white time. I know it couldn't have been but I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for an era I never experienced first hand.
No I am not talking about my life and transition though it does seem agonizingly slow sometimes.
Sunday evening get together was cut short by the Seville's failure to proceed, luckily I had enough warning, engine spluttering and loss of all instruments both analog and digital. I guided her into a gas station parking lot and shut her down. Nothing when I tried to restart, not even a click from the solenoid.
I did peek under the hood but was not dressed for mucking about with old cars as I had a short black skirt and sweater with three inch heeled boots and my favourite faux snow leopard jacket.
Time to call CAA (AA to you Brits), having shall we say an eclectic collection of motorcars I long ago worked out I would become a gold member, which offers multiple calls and towing services.
Not the battery like I thought but the alternator. The Seville and I retuned home (oh shame of shames) on the hook. I had used her all last week with nary a murmur of protest. I think the Lincoln was jealous and sabotaged the alternator.
Silver lining was that I passed 100% with the tow truck driver. As my CAA card is still in my male name (time to change that too) the driver said he was expecting a guy, "most of the Adrian's I meet are guys but I guess it can be a girls name too".
Interesting to see the different treatment one receives as female, shivering from waiting in a cold car for 45 minutes he says please get in the truck and keep warm ma'am.
Hugs,
April
PS. Already removed the offending alternator and have ordered a new one. The Lincoln was happy to be back on the road today.
If any of you are wondering how the job search is going, slow is the word. I have taken on some contract work that is taking a lot of my waking hours. Throw children breakfast, lunches and dinner into the mix means that too few resumes are leaving my computer than I would like. I have been burning the candle at both ends and as a result paying for the next day, meaning I am less productive and then have to stay up late to catch up… a vicious circle.
Then trying to fit in exercise and cars, very difficult. Did manage to get the Cadillac Seville rust proofed this morning.
I had an interview recently that was proceeded by two phone interview but so far no call backs. The photo is what I wore, coral jacket from Jones New york with an Anne Klein blouse and skirt from Winners. I am far from happy with my voice but I felt I did well in the interview, positive, enthusiastic etc. The interview was conducted in a boardroom by two women who bothy took copious notes on their laptops while I was talking. Perhaps they were just playing Skyrim. I was going to say Quake or Doom but that would date me even more than my taste in cars.
As to my voice, my work contract work involves a lot of calls to automotive companies. I identify myself as April and still get sir'd on occasion but a few ma'ams as well.
Two articles I wrote a while back under my old male name have been published. the first story is on the Stutz Blackhawk and the second on the Lincoln Mark III. Both can now be seen on line in a digital edition: see pages 34-37
The latest two are under April's byline and I will post a link as soon as it is available.
Spoke to an old friend in Switzerland today who runs the Stutz register and web site. I had to tell him about me as I wanted my name changed on the owners list. I will have to sell some of my other cars but I really hope to keep the Stutz as it is still under restoration and I am the only one who can finish it.
So does that make me the first transsexual Stutz owner….now there is an "achievement" to put on a resume.
I promised some Gene Vincent so here is an uncharacteristic choice for me, Gene singing The Day The World Turned Blue featuring some cool footage of Gene arriving in London in 1969. He would be dead two years later.
What a great song, gives me goosebumps. Stop me if I have posted this before but here is the Gene Vincent movie clip from the recent Telstar bio pic about Joe Meek:
OK lots to post, new pictures etc will be coming but first in honour of this day of romance lets talk cars and stuff.
More praise for the Lincoln Mark IV:
MSN had one of those click whore posts about best rides to make out in, I had to look and guess what there as large as life a picture from the 76 Mark IV brochure. OK BMW drivers (you know who you are) I say HAH put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Lincolns are theoretically (how would I know) roomy enough for romance but I would vote for the 59 Cadillac. The power bench seat in my convertible is so long and comfy it served as a great place for a power nap been restoration sessions.
Speaking of high praise for seventies era Lincolns, the recent and welcome departure from this mortal coil of Kim Jong Il saw the reappearance of two 1976 Lincoln Town car limousines, perhaps built by Moloney coach builders out of Chicago or Toronto’s own AHA (Andy Hotton Associates). It is thought the cars ended up in the socialist paradise as illegal imports from a Japanese Lincoln Mercury dealer. Note the Japanese style fender mounted wing mirrors. Fascinating, well at least to me. The headlamp doors have also been chromed, a non stock feature.
Not up to much as exciting as last week but I did hit the Salvation Army store look for vintage handbags to customize like the very cool but expensive ones from Revamp Productions. I found a cool old school black patent leather one for $5.99. I had a great chrome Continental emblem to go on and was going to add some hot rod inspired pin striping. Before I started and modifications I did a little research, the bag was made by Coblentz of New York . A famed high end manufacturer which closed its doors in 1980. I would guesstimate the bag to date from some time between 1955 and 1965. Didn't have the heart to customize it and have been using it as is.
Went great with my black fur coat and black skirt, red sweater combo I wore to the grocery store the other day. Colour co-ordinated to match the black and red Seville's first day on the road.
More car nonsense, my Seville is now legally on the road sporting license plates. She seems so small compared to the Lincoln, but that was Cadillac’s point in introducing the Seville. Smooth and quiet on the road like a new car with digital climate control and all sorts of luxuries, idle still is not quite right though, TPS problem? About double the fuel economy of the Lincoln’s 460 V8.
Listen to this and think of Caril Ann and Charles:
It has been more years than I can care to remember since I last attended a live show, was it the Cramps, perhaps the Sun Rhythm Section or was it Johnny Cash?
As my confidence grows as April I have reached out to wider world I was hiding from. Discovering the website Toronto Rockabilly.com I learned there was a local band that played my kind of music. I missed their January show in Burlington but on Saturday they were appearing at the Moonshine Cafe in Oakville.
The Moonshine is a small club, very intimate like listening a band in your best friends wreck room. But what to wear. Now in the UK attending such a show would mean wearing the appropriate rockabilly gear. Would local fans wear there musical taste on their sleeves or just be normal. I didn't want to be the odd girl out.
I selected my tailor made black leather motorcycle jacket (made by North Bound Leather….funny story) and leopard print mini dress with four inch pumps. Extra eye liner and bright red lipstick. I also had jeans but lost those for the photos.
The Hellbent Rockers were great with a mix of old and new rockabilly with some cool originals thrown in. It was like listening to my own record collection. I just wish they had a spot for dancing as I could not help moving to the beat. I think Natasha was even impressed, so this is what you are always listening too, I think I like it.
Stayed for all three sets, the band also invited up an amazing singer and guitarist the Crooked Cowboy play a few tunes, I especially liked his version of I Walk the Line where he mixed in verses of Pinball Wizard and Puff the Magic Dragon, all sung in a Johnny Cash drawl, yes it worked amazingly well.
Talked to the lead singer about rockabilly, couldn't help myself as I haven't had anyone to talk in depth about music since my brother moved to Japan. Asked why did he say the Way I Walk was by Robert Gordon, I said you know that's originally by Jack Scott who was born in Windsor, Ontario. I know he replied we just didn't expect anyone else in the audience to know. They even played the old Matchbox song Hurricane.
The Lincoln was parked right out front (washed for a change since it was so warm), received some nice comments on the car and one guy even tried to pick me up! He did know I was not all I seemed but didn't guess until we had talked for a while. At the end of the show we took some photos and was offered the double bass to pose with.
On seeing the photos "J" said it was lucky I was not arrested for prostitution. Actually that was her nicest comment.
All in all a great night!
PS. I was the the only one sporting the all out rockabilly look…whoops.
I have another cool transsexual history item to post but this is just a brief update on what has been happening with me.
The contract work I took on is a lot more involved than I expected and I have found myself working on it pretty much full time with a few very late nights thrown in for good measure. I can see why they outsourced this particular project!
Had a meeting today with the company to go over progress and they gave me some additional tasks.
I am still using the Lincoln daily and have yet to switch over to the Seville. The Lincoln still has a manifold leak making the semi muffled 460 sound like a wheel barrow full of bricks being shot out of a cannon….not very ladylike I am afraid.
Lots of good “passing stories” TM, though I tend to forget them if I don’t write them down. A good example was at Canadian Tire today where I had three different staff members offer to help me (NEVER happened in guy mode), ma’am’d most everywhere. Sneaking suspicion that one of the two girls working the cash at the gas station read me, the one steps behind display and gestures to the other then the girl I was paying gives me an extra appraising sort of look. Perhaps they just liked my fur coat.
Crossed paths with lady from church while I was with children at McDonalds, “J” runs into her later and mentions well I guess you know then, confused look, turns out she thought I was the baby sitter. Ok enough bragging, I am sure I still get read more often than not. Which brings us to the ever sticky issue of voice. The contract work involves a lot of follow up phone calls, I have been practicing my voice at the start of each session but have got a few sirs (booo). I have not chickened out and left it up to the person on the other end, instead I start Hi this is April from…
Have an interview scheduled for Monday, already had two phone interviews as April with this company, a little nervous… make that very nervous as to meeting in person.
Met up with friends Ashley and Natasha, seems all our lives are moving in parallel as both are full time and like me doing our best to find our way forward without a map.
Today’s musical pick is the Modernettes from Vancouver’s 1980 punk scene with a decidedly Jan and Dean sounding rave up, Barbra. Play it loud!
Photois of course Coccinelle taken from the amazing web site, http://www.queermusicheritage.us/drag.html
Very interesting, tons of history, some of it pertaining to being transsexual.
