Its is so darn sunny outside even a pessimist like me cannot remain in bad mood forever.
It was at boarding school in the UK when I first heard the Matchbox hit that cemented my taste in music.
I would say that Rockabilly is still the centre of my musical universe but like demented planets spinning around Sun Records I also listen to sixties garage seventies punk, forties gospel, fifties country and western, surf and French "yé-yé" girls, throw in some soul and early blues. (the less said about my guilty pleasure, Abba addiction the better).
Back to the song, Rockabilly rebel, I was listening to a live version by a new young Norwegian group called Bullet Proof, and the lyrics stuck me as somewhat prophetic in my case…..
My Mama don’t like it, the way I comb my hair, Papa thinks I’m crazy, in the clothes I wear…
But I’m what I am and I’m gonna keep a rockin’ that way
The kids in the schoolhouse they couldn’t wait too long, When the school is over, they put their cat clothes on,
Be a real cool cat, be a rockabilly rebel like me
Well it struck me as funny, heck not all my posts can be literary gold. Here is Bullet Proof with my theme song and their own rocking, Lets Swing!
The CDC reports that there was a 50% increase in suicide amongst men in their fifties and a 60% increase for women between 60 and 64. The article postulates that the increase is due to the continuing recession we are experiencing. Normally I take anything the main stream media says with a healthy ton of salt but the article was businesslike with no particular political axe to grind.
In contrast to the bloodless article the huge number of comments are heartbreaking, most making an explicit connection between job loss and suicide of loved ones.
I can personally attest to the soul destroying nature of unemployment/ underemployment. I believe men or those socialized that way (see what I did there) are especially vulnerable to this thinking as they are brought up to base their self worth on what they do. Just observe when guys get together, first thing they ask each other, is what do you do? In my darker moods I have thought about suicide, the core reason is work related. Luckily I have friends and family that love me.
I promised zombies too so here goes, I have always like zombie movies as it touches on the existential fear of the loss of self and humanity. The genres current super heated popularity is more about the apocalyptic breakdown of society. There is something darkly appealing about abandoning the mundane troubles of bills, relationships and work for a life and death struggle where we all get to fire big guns and kill monsters….well unless you get eaten.
if there is one thing I hate more than zombies....its Nazi zombies....
As Joey over at his Pad would say, I threw a bit of a wobbly today, heck its not even Monday. I am sure unlike Joe mine usually involves more than a few tears.
I had been feeling rather blue for the last day or two due to financial concerns and my inability to land either a career position or even something short term to help bring a more regular cash flow than I do from writing.
I had been talking to a mom at school when dropping off my children and as she was also freelance we were comparing notes, both being in the same “leaky monetary” boat. I talked about working so hard to remain positive but as she said when you are constantly worried about money it does tend to suck the joy out of life.
Despite the beautifully sunny weather (suddenly summer here) I began to feel worse and worse. When my Internet connection went down as I was trying to get some work done it was the last straw and all the stress exploded.
Although I am technically self-employed I feel unemployed, useless, unwanted and well a failure.
My mother called during my wobbly and could tell I was upset and reminded me that I had every thing to live for given my recent good news.
When I am really really upset I retreat to one of my cars, I used to do this as a confused teenager. I would hide in my 59 Caddy stretching out on the big blue leather front seat that was more comfortable than any bed. As the 59 is in storage I took shelter in the Lincoln Continental curling up like a cat on sun warmed jade leather seats. Like a hug from an old friend I felt some peace return and was able to compose myself and return to my desk after a brief rest.
I hope you all don’t think that sounds too crazy, like some sort of automotive themed attempt to return to the womb.
So I have been thinking how I will travel to the clinic in Montreal, a distance of some 600km (372 miles) from my home in the neighboring Province of Ontario.
I felt I was channeling super blogger Lucy M. as I tried to logically calculate the various costs of car vs. air travel vs. train.
Business class on Via Rail so long as one books well in advance was approximately $370 dollars round trip single fare. It was marginally cheaper to ride coach but having experienced numerous train trips on the Toronto/Windsor corridor I can attest to the cramped seating, which would not be ideal for the journey home.
I also looked into Porter Airlines that operates out of Billy Bishop, Toronto Island Airport, using Bombardier turboprop aircraft. The Airline has great on line reviews and they are supposed to offer better seating/luxury service. As long as you locked in the dates a return trip would be around $340.
By car, required some more detailed calculations,
1976 Lincoln Mark IV: 372 miles @10mpg average equals 37.2 gallons, the equivalent of 140 liters (37.2 x 3.785). At $1.25 per liter that is $175 one-way, $350 return.
(Fuel economy on the highway with cruise control on may be as high as 13-14 mpg but I am taking a conservative average to account for traffic slow downs through Toronto and Montreal).
(Buick Electra, Thunderbird all have similar gas mileage. Corvette was not considered due to seating and luggage limitations)
1985 Cadillac Seville:372 miles @20mpg average equals 18.6 gallons, the equivalent of 70.40 liters (18.6 x 3.785). At $1.25 per liter that is $88 one-way, $176 return.
(Fuel economy on Seville with cruise control on, flat highway can reach an amazing 30-mpg so costs may be even lower).
Added benefits in favor of the car are door-to-door service, removing the cost of taxi fares to and from airport/train station not to mention the great convenience. Not sure of parking costs in Montreal.
Taking a car will also offer any companion who comes with me the ability to get around the city at will.
Of course taking a car means having someone drive me back from Montreal while I make myself comfortable in either car's well-appointed rear seating area.
So in terms of pure number crunching the Cadillac Seville is the obvious choice.
I have almost finished a major freelance project, which will pay my travel costs and supplies for the trip but yes, saving money is still a priority.
However being a romantic when it comes to automobiles I am kind of leaning towards the Lincoln as it has been a reliable companion for so many years, she starts better than a fuel injected modern car and has proved extremely dependable. The Lincoln has a relatively low mileage rebuilt high performance 460 but could do with some front-end work. Like me she is a bit of a Kustom project. It would just feel right driving her on this momentous journey.
I have not had the Seville for long but she did prove herself on a trip to Owen Sound last year providing excellent service and fuel economy.
I love road trips and abhor public transportation but the final decision will depend on whether I am traveling by myself or not.
I have held off blogging for a few weeks as I have been busy trying to finish a freelance project and because I knew that I would soon have some real news to share.
Two weeks ago I heard from the Provincial Ministry of Health that I had received approval for surgery. All I then needed was a letter from my doctor and some medical forms to fill out.
Today (yes Saturday) I received an e-mail from the office of Drs. Menard and Brassard office saying that July 1st is to be my date for SRS surgery. Somewhat shocked I got a response so quickly (they had said mid-week they might have an answer) it took a few minutes for me to process the information.
I immediately started texting friends and thinking about all the arrangements necessary for me to travel to Montreal. It hadn’t occurred to me but my friend D pointed out that the first was Canada Day, hence the title of this post!
My first visit to CAMH was October 2009, it took almost nine months to get into see them.
I started hormones in March 2010. It took six months to find a sympathetic doctor.
I started this blog August 18th, 2010. In my first post I wrote that I hoped my road might be a freeway. There have been a few traffic jams but the destination is now in sight.
I didn’t go full time till September31, 2011 due to employment issues.
It is hard to believe surgery is just over two months away. The gap between some of these dates doesn’t seem that long but at the time seemed huge. The challenges seemed insurmountable too but here I am. So soon but light years away from the child who laid in bed praying to God to wake up a girl.
I am a pessimist at heart so I can’t help worrying about last minute complications, accidents, problems, that could prevent me from reaching my goal. You know like being caught up in a freak elephant accident or something.
I am of course excited, so please bear with me as I know many have already written about this portion of their journey and the story is somewhat old hat. I am also aware of the pain that those of you who are still on the road and struggling to make progress feel.
I hope that all of you can soon feel the joy I am feeling now.
Hugs,
April
Here is one of my favorite later tunes by the Cramps, and surprisingly appropriate:
PS. the photo is of Miss Canada 1966 with a Canadian made Clairtone "G" stereo...cool eh?
Once again I am apologizing for my absence, not that I haven't kept up with the adventures of my bloggers in arms.
It was a tough week with some serious downs that I really don't want to talk about yet. In fact I was not going to post anything... till this morning.
I was up till the wee hours last night to meet a deadline for the first section of a major industry directory I am working on. Just enough time this morning to drink two very large coffees, make some last minute edits and then get ready for a dental appointment.
I drove the Jaguar which seems to have developed a mysterious tranny leak (no jokes please), just like the Thunderbird....ah the joys of vintage cars. The sun has returned but no accompanying warm weather, in fact it snowed on April 1st! see photo below.
After my mostly routine appointment the receptionist out of the blue tells me I look, "absolutely stunning and gorgeous". I was rather at a loss for words having rushed to get ready that morning and was still suffering the effects of having burnt the candle at both ends. Nor was not wearing anything fancy just black jeans and a sweater.
She then asks where I am from, uh England I say, "Oh I would have thought you were Scandinavian being so tall and blonde"
I was taken aback as I thought everyone in the office was aware of my "past", clearly she was not as she asked about children and then complimented me on my figure and asked about my husband.
OK enough singing my own praises but I did feel like a million bucks driving home.
I apologize dear readers for not posting for a while, I have some blog posts written and pictures and music to share but my heart has not been in it.
So instead let me leave you with some words of wisdom from Don Draper while I work on giving another under paid freelance blow job to an undeserving car company.
The universe is indifferent,
April
PS. Hope you all are watching the Walking Dead this evening, it’s a documentary right?
PSS. Sometimes despair gets the better of me (as some of my posts attest) and I want to surrender but I guess I am just a stubborn bitch who would rather die fighting.
