Secondly an apology for my lack of blogging, work, looking for a career position, family, car repairs etc have taken most of my time leaving little for writing or friends.
Jeez, I could do a whole post on installing a new distributor in my Lincoln Mark IV....took Napa three attempts to get me the right one. I will save the whole sordid story for another post, I know you can't wait.
I have attempted to write this post a few times but gave up. Again sorry but this will be somewhat stream of consciousness, if I don't write it now I never will. In a nut shell, in approximately one week I will leave my home (I guess it will no longer be my home), separation/divorce will be finalized. I will be moving about thirty to forty minutes drive away. I wish I could be closer but I cannot afford it.
Circumstances mean that I will not be seeing my children everyday like I have been used to, getting them up in the morning, making them lunch, walking them to school, picking them them up from school, making dinner, telling them bedtime stories.
The oldest understands the dynamics of the situation but younger two will be hurt and confused. I am worried about myself as well. I am not the most happy go lucky person and the new reality of being apart from my children for extended periods of time will be hard to bear. Not to mention being alone and in unfamiliar surroundings during Christmas, which I always found to be a bittersweet holiday.
I wish I could cry those tears now and get them out of the way. I have tried to prepare myself for the emotional impact but how?
Yesterday after a particularly exhausting day at my part time job I hit the grocery store to make sure I had something for dinner this evening and to get a few more school lunch supplies. Christmas music was already playing, cutting through the usual saccharine pap was Darlene Love singing her 1963 hit, Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home) I almost lost it and started to sob as I pushed my cart around the store.
OK here are a few more Xmas tear jerkers and wrist slitters to get out of the way and I promise I won't re-post them.
Ravonettes:
Judy Garland:
Ravonettes again with Come On Santa, because these guys know black melancholy....enjoy
OK cats and kittens hope you all had a good cry and feel a little better now.
Love
April
PS. Yes that is the beautiful Jayne Mansfield trimming the tree.
Hi sweetie,
ReplyDeleteMy heart just aches for you, hon. This is so unfair. The entire situation. You deserve so, so much better.
As I told you today, you are so much stronger and more resilient than you realize. I only wish you could see the proud, determined woman I, and others, see. You are an inspiration.
You WILL persevere. You WILL get through this. And you WILL live the full, joyous life you deserve.
And remember: you are never, ever alone. I am here for you. So are all of your friends who read this blog. You are loved. By me. By your friends. By your daughters. Never, ever forget that.
Happy Thanksgiving, April. Love you!
Hugs and love,
Cass
P.S. Since I am on the disabled list today (or at least my stomach), I can hopefully snag enough leftover turkey and potatoes for both of us. :-p
I too shall be spending my first Christmas alone this year, and no I'm not looking forward to it. It is often said that "Christmas is for children" and I have always spent Christmas with family I just don't know how to do Christmas alone, I might suggest joining you but there is a small matter of the Atlantic
ReplyDeleteI ache for you. You have been a great Mom to your kids and not being able to see them regularly has to hurt like no other hurt. I hope that this Christmas season somehow goes better than expected and that you'll get to see them more than it seems right now.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need my advice and I don't have any to offer. Not having my children with me is something I cannot imagine, nor do I want to. Having gone through some major life events (including a Hurricane) alone, all I can say is that you are stronger and more circumspect than most people and that will help you get through this. Will you be able to see the kids around Christmas time at all or New Year's at least?
Feeling for you from near "Rocky"-land,
Karin
Damn this sucks. Being alone at Christmas will be very tough. Sounds like you've been a great mom, still are, and they'll know that too.
ReplyDeleteAs Cassidy said, you are not alone. We are here for you, and we can all relate to your pain.
Oh I forgot, Darlene Love sung a great duet with Luther Vandross called "I listen To The Bells", it won't be your kinda music but I love it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Joey, Darlene Love is playing Toronto this Dec 12th!
ReplyDeletei am sooo sorry about your domestic situation but at least physically you are complete within your mental state.
ReplyDeletewell all i can say is my neighbor just finished dealing with his wife divorcing him (and he didn't even have the trans thing to deal with) although he ended up being half owner of the house till the children are out of school he still was forced by the court to move out. which stinks. doesn't seem fair since he has done all the renovations on the house and truly loves the neighborhood always lending a helping hand.
anyway on the car note it is interesting in that at age 56 with running a business and taking care of dad how a 3 day project of changing 3 inner tubes on my 1929 ford turned into over 3 weeks. first there was the broken spoke issue then having to re-torque the rear axle shaft hub nuts (which shouldn't have needed doing!) and interruptions from work customers (darn that need to pay bills and eat LOL) ect.
on the music end though i really must say though ya's gotta' have a little Bing Crosby's white christmas in the mix.