I guess all those stupid songs about heartbreak are real…it really does hurt

…it really does feel like your heart is breaking.

How much to share, hmmmmm. 

On top of this, literally the same day, I find out in a text from my ex that she is now dating an old “friend” of mine. She has every right to move on with her life but it is the old “friend” part of the equation that stings.

Once again I had to go to work and put on my happy face for co-workers and customers that was hard too.

So I am here writing this post when I should be sleeping but sleep wont come nor do I expect it to.   

oh to have a heart of stone.....

Wrath, I returned to my part time job on Saturday working the next three nights into the early morning hours. Inventory, all hands on deck situation.

My toe isn't throbbing constantly and I can get around in a limping sort of way so long as I keep my weight off the big toe and balance on my heel.


A co-worker remarked that they had missed me and I almost cried.

The first two days I was functioning normally but on the third the disruption of my sleep patterns really started to take a toll.

The lack of sleep manifested itself in anger. Wrath seems to be one of my personal seven deadly sins right behind envy.

I do have flashes of self awareness and I realize that the root of feelings comes not only from sleep deprivation but the stress I have been under. An element of which has been the promise of a career position. (oh to return to the rat race and once again to be real person in the eyes of others). I am on the short list but the waiting is killing me and everyday that goes by I despair of ever getting a "real" job.