Pride week is upon us in Toronto, there is even a trans march, will I be going. No, too many responsibilities at home. However I am torn, there is clearly a need to educate the public at large but neither do I want to appear on the evening news as as a transgendered activist when everyday I attempt to blend into the gender binary as much as possible.
Right now I am open about being transsexual if someone asks but after surgery I would prefer to go stealth if I can pull it off.
I cannot help feeling a little of the coward.
Basic Black
I think pull off a good Amanda Lear in the first photo. A good role model, well I certainly hope I can look as good as her at whatever her current age is? Of course she has never admitted to her past....
Sorry have been away from the blog for while. Gearing up for the children getting out of school for summer holidays and I thought I was busy now!
Besides looking for a job and writing car articles I have been biking on a regular basis to keep my weight down, picked up a new "muscle bike" a 1970's CCM Cheetah 3 speed, the Cheetah is the girls version of the boys Mustang by Canada's leading bicycle manufacturer. Photos tomorrow.
Also working on repairing my Buick Electras fender (dent was from original 80 year old owner NOT me). Pulled out the dent using a plunger and straightened pot metal ventiports, now it is the tedious process of body filler and sanding.
Really have to get my 59 Cadillac convertible out but not until I have the Buick is ship shape….that is not supposed to be a joke about her being a boat.
My review of the the film I Am A Woman Now will be published in an upcoming issue of Frock magazine.
Due to my absence Dear Constant Reader here are three tunes to make it up to you:
I met up with a friend I had not seen for a few months (has it been that long) who is on the same road. She remarked that I looked different that my face had changed again. …hope she meant for the better! It has been going on two years (has it been that long) since starting hormones and apparently they are still subtly changing things.
I think if I e-mailed these images back in time a few years I would not recognize the person looking back at me. And that as they say is a good thing.
I shall give this wretched world the queen it deserves....
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
I Am A Woman Now: Film Review
I attended the last day of the Inside Out film festival in Toronto specifically to see the film, I Am A Woman Now the story of the first generation of surgically operated transsexual woman to grow old. The Dutch documentary introduces the viewer to five women, all who transitioned at a time when the word transsexual could not have been spoken of in polite company. A time when to admit that you were not mentally the sex you were born would more than likely put you in a mental institution.
Filmmaker Michiel van Erp introduces us to five women some of whom you may already be familiar with, April Ashley, Prof. Marie-Pier Ysser (Bambi), Colette Berends, Jean Lessenich and Corinne van Tongerloo. All but Jean were female impersonators performing at Le Carrousel and transitioned in their twenties and thirties. Jean was initially married and had a successful career as a photographer and illustrator. Besides their transsexuality they all shared the distinction of being operated on by the great Dr. Buroou
Dr. Burou began to perform sex change surgery in the late fifties at his Clinique du Parc in Casablanca, Coccinelle was one of his first subjects in 1958. He invented he anteriorly pedicled penile skin flap inversion vaginoplasty, "the gold standard of skin-lined vaginoplasty in transsexuals". He is said to have performed over 800 operations before his death in a boating accident in 1987. His name is not better known as a low profile was necessary to operate in Morocco.
It must have taken such a leap of faith to entrust ones life and some large amount of savings to what was at the time an illegal and experimental procedure. Those who share this condition know that no risk is too great if that is the only way to become who you were really meant to be.
The film touches on the women's early lives through old home movies, photos and reminiscences. It is also a pilgrimage back to Casablanca and a tribute to Dr. Burou. We are introduced to his son who looks very much like his handsome father and has the same French charm as well as a penchant for water skinning. Corinne returns top the place of her rebirth to lay flowers on his grave and an unsuccessful attempt to visit the building that once housed the clinic.
I still cannot find words to describe the experience, as the credits rolled I felt poleaxed and no strength in my legs to even stand up. I know others must have felt the same as it was very quiet except for the applause.
What an impact seeing ones idols, these goddesses from another era as real people, as if speaking to me directly, April, Bambi and Colette. Their journey back to Casablanca to be reunited with old friends, the film was at once sad, beautiful and funny. None seem to have regrets and although they admit to giving little thought what their senior years would be like their new lives as women made them so much happier. On waking each morning April tells us she still feels some of the great joy she felt on coming to after surgery to be greeted by Dr. Burou, "bonjour Mademoiselle".
I don't think that it is I am afraid to grow old not having experienced being a young woman or that I wished that they had lived a fairytale life since transitioning.
Perhaps the real reason it moved me so greatly was that it is my story too and they and Dr. Burou are my mothers and father.
I wanted tears to come to exercise all the emotions I was experiencing.
Five Things I Learned From I Am A Woman Now:
1. Marry Rich
The old friend who used to do April's hair in Paris asks her whether she is living the life of an English duchess. No she says in her most upper class accent tinged with considerable longing and regret.
The hairdresser is apparently quite well off holding court in a Mediterranean villa and later on a yacht, there also seems to be
many handsome younger men in attendance.
"But you had the aristocracy begging for your hand" her asks, "ah but I was young and stupid" is her reply. The funny thing is she never appears on camera without a glass of champagne in her perfectly manicured hands. She is always as regal as a monarch.
April had successfully remade herself coming from humble provincial beginnings. I often expected her in an unguarded moment to revert to her Liverpudlian accent however she never does, so successful has she remade herself successfully transcending class and gender.
There is clearly some wistfulness when recalling her many wealthy suitors. Both Bambi (who the documentary fails to note had a successful academic career) talk about the trials of economizing and remembering more flush times.
2. Take Care of Yourself
Colette is an artist and salon owner. Her interview begins with her administering a facial to a client and stressing the importance of maintenance to look good in old age. All of the films subjects appear well preserved and living active lives.
Not surprising considering the investment they made in their female bodies and that their early careers were entirely dependent on being beautiful. Four of the five women were performers before and after surgery.
As a latish transitioner myself I need no convincing of the importance of diet, exercise and cosmetic improvements if one is lucky enough to afford them.
3. Don't Tell Till They Fall in Love
Only one of the women is still in any form of long term relationship. However beautiful, the inability to have children or the distraction of their history seems to have stood in the way of marriage. Corinne's advice is to let the guy fall in love with you first… then it is too late for them. An indication of this barrier to acceptance is seen when Corrine tells an old friend that she was not always as she is, we never see the hoped for acceptance only the shock.
Her one long term relationship was with a bisexual man and she still felt even after surgery she could not offer all a genetic woman could.
4. Do It Now
Most had their surgery in their twenties or thirties as soon as they could afford it. Jean a later transitioner fell into the usual scenario of denial, marriage and children before realizing what could be put off no longer.
None lived in regret and all sited surgery as the happiest time of their life, their rebirth and a start of a new more authentic and happier existence.
The trip back to Casablanca and meeting with Dr, Burou's son is immensely moving. April's patrician facade is only let down when she speaks of the doctors kindness and her own family's shunning. Corinne after half a life time of stealth proceeds to tell everyone of her history when trying to get access to the shuttered clinic.
5. Not All Men Can Be Beautiful Women
Yes and No. The question was posed to April Ashley and the answer was a quick no, elaborating she states that womanhood has to come from within. The looks and the frame make it easier but she revives her answer mid thought saying that even if you don't look the part you have to do what you feel inside, its just harder.
I have been working on a longer post and film review but I just found out my zombie article was finally available on the digital edition of World Of Wheels magazine, the print copy has been on newsstands since February.
Skip to page 34 for the zombie article and page 14 for Rust Never Sleeps
There is also an another article by me and under my new/real name of April and first! The second article is no a slightly less timely topic Rust proofing, yeah I know not quite as gripping just still of interest to any of you who live in the rust belt. or above the snow line. Still lots of cool pictures and the art department at the magazine did an excellent job putting it all together. Look closer and you might even spot me in the article..no not as a zombie, though I do resemble one on waking up more often than not.
Above photo comes from yesterdays grocery shopping safari, sudden rain shower, meant localized wet t shirt contest, my hair and I were unimpressed.
As to the best cars to survive the inevitable zombie apocalypse, I thought it would be boring to just list my choices, Cadillac, Lincoln etc but get the opinions of some automotive "celebrities" who will still take my calls. Feel free to add your own choices and why, perhaps we can interest them in a sequel.
Park on Sunday, chat with an older gentleman while waiting for children..pass
Testing driving a seventies T-Bird, passed with owner, asked how my husband would respond if I bought an old car, his buddy seemed to paying me more undue attention....think he suspected something.
While riding around on bike, taking daughter to get a one dollar slushy two or three guys asked me or commented on my cool old bike, supply teacher at school, oh you look so cute on that…so pass I think.
Have actually chatted with teller and fellow customers at check out, even started conversations…pass unknown. Well no one pulled out a cross and made evil eye gestures.
At bank (as account is still in my old name had to show male id), after what seemed like a few minutes of looking at me then the car then back to me again, the teller, deadpans, you look better as a blonde.
Went to my first ever cruise night as April, drove the Seville and parked besides my friend Don's 64 Imperial convertible. Chatted with the owner of a 75 Buick convertible (I have a 76 Electra), he is a fellow Elvis fan so we quickly got on to talking about Stutz Blackhawks. I said I used to have a red 76 that belonged to King Fahd but now have a 71 model. He immediately goes, oh you must be (insert male name here) WTF....don't I look a LOT different. "Oh yes but remember I met you five years ago when you were having the interior done and were kind enough to show me the car and take photos".
I will brook no disagreement but will allow incorrect alternative opinions to be offered….because I am magnanimous like that.
This amazing scene comes from an italo-actioner of a movie called the Sicilian Cross (aka Street People) starring Roger Moore (most handsome Bond) and Stacy Keach. Some movie chases succeed despite their choice of automobile, i.e. to Live and Die in La… plain jane Caprice sedans, others are enhanced by the automotive participants.
This is definitely the latter, a mid seventy Ford LTD (typical cop car) and a 75 or 76 special silver edition Thunderbird. The 72-76 Thunderbird shares its basic engineering and chassis with the Lincoln Mark IV of which I have much experience. They go like stink but corner like the designers never heard of a curve.
So to my amazement the stunt diver manages to drift this Thunderbird like some tuner boy's Toyota, you have to see it to believe it. Motivation comes from a 460 (that's 7.5 liters for you Euro types), rubber is 235/75 R15 radials.
Check out the video below, love the way Roger Moore is hanging on for dear life, oh turn down the sound so you can just hear the engines and tires but play this instrumental track at the same time:
Bullitt is good but not my favourite, here is an interesting French take on the Steve McQueen theme (hat tip to Cass) Le Marginal:
No not talking about a boyfriend LOL, was at the gas station the other day and attempting to tank up the Seville when a voice comes over the pump’s intercom, “that’s a pre-pay pump, sorry honey you will have to use the other one”.
I felt a little stupid but was quite pleased at the honey part. Perhaps I am finally convinced I am passing. But one can never be sure...
In other news, no joy on job front, this is what I wore to my last interview, Anne Klein jacket, very conservative. As you can also see my hair is getting longer but will need to be cut and dyed really soon so I can go back to bangs to more reliably hide my hair line.
Have continued to ride the Stingray for exercise, alternating between treadmill and walking.
The 1976 Buick Electra is home temporarily to have some work on the RH fender (dent from original owner to take out. Already removed and repaired the power antenna. A snapped cable, just amazed I put it back together and it worked, rather complex semi-automatic job that raises two inches or so when you turn on the radio then height can be adjusted as you see fit with a button on the dash.
Looking forward to seeing this movie at an upcoming festival. Yes that is April Ashley in the trailer, other pioneers include Bambi and Colette Berends.
Had a lovely day after Mother’s Day lunch with my mom. The first as mother and daughter, well it certainly felt a lot different for me this year.
Last week I wrote about Paris in the late fifties, well my mother was there as a teenager on holiday with her parents. They managed to get caught in a riot and only escaped by ducking in an alley. Tried to find historical data on line but it was such a turbulant time in French politics, likely to do with Algeria.
Gotta run, promised to take my youngest and her best friend on a bike ride then ice cream.
