Passing and Lying

I have been attending a weekly networking seminar to help my job search. The purpose is to share leads, job search tips and remain connected to the wider world.  The last part is important, as I seem to spend far too much time at my subterranean desk alternately writing automotive articles and cover letters.

Last week was an interesting first despite being full time for nearly a year and a half.

After the moderated portion of the seminar we split into groups and I found myself in a group of five women.

I am used to passing and generally expect to pass wherever I go (I dont mean to sound big headed, yes I still doubt myself and yes I am still very pleased when I know I pass).  

I knew I was passing in this situation as being all women of a certain age, divorce and separation was the norm and I was asked about my ex-husband and my children. I found it harder and harder to keep my answers gender neutral.  

My continued use of ex and partner seemed to trigger a look in my integrators eyes, “ maybe she is lesbian”. I quickly threw in a he or two to dispel her suspicion. Ironically this is what my ex “J” particularly dislikes, ie being thought of as gay.    

It was flattering to hear her say, “but look at you girl, doesn’t he want to get back together” Ummm I replied, you know people change, some more than others.”

I felt bad about lying but nor was I about to sacrifice hard earned passing and acceptance so easily.

Moral qualms aside it was wonderful to be accepted as unquestionably female in a group of women. Now I do have female friends but all of them know of my past. The vibe was different from anything I had ever experienced.

Photo Shoot In Paris

Sounds wonderful doesn't it?  Paris….Paris, Ontario.

And no it wasn't haute couture either, rather the 8th annual Unfinished Nationals, a car show dedicated to the average car enthusiast to show off their not quite finished car. My friend D remind me of this event last week and I quickly secured my editors approval to cover the event.

All week i watched the weather as substantial rain has plagued us on and off  and more was predicted. Saturday i got absolutely filthy greasing the Lincoln's chassis, checking other vital fluids, tire pressure etc. I also loaded up my seventies Schwinn Stingray bike to display alongside my not quite and likely never will be finished Mark IV. Last minute preparations included doing my nails a cool metallic pink, once I got all the grease out from under them! 

It rained all Saturday night and Sunday morning revealed ominous dark grey clouds interspersed with sunshine. Now I do not mind a little precipitation on my cars but others are more careful and I cannot write and photograph a show (AND GET PAID) if no one else shows up.

So after much hemming and hawing I decided to invest in  the vast quantities of crushed dino juice it would take to get the Lincoln to Paris and back. It was clear sailing on highway 403 but once I got to Paris the heavens opened up and it was like driving through a car wash. By the time I had located the fairgrounds the rain had subsided and I was pleased to see a good turnout of hot rods, customs, muscle cars and classics.

I spent the day snapping pictures, talking to car owners and perusing the swap meet vendors.  One of my favourite stalls was "Out of the Past" which had a tempting display of vintage dresses and rockabilly fashions. I know I was passing…..as a rockabilly chick as the owner calls out hey YOU need to be looking over here.  There were more than a few rockabilly guys and gals checking out the show, each giving the other a slight nod to acknowledge a shared identity.  Passing well in general too I think as most guys were surprised a girl brought her own car to the event.

My outfit for the show was denim shorts, tight black t-shirt (as you can unfortunately tell I still have five pounds to go to get back to my ideal weight) and white wedge sandals. My fav skull earrings and a necklace with a French poodle and Eiffel Tower charms….when in Paris….

Really wanted to take this 1938 Caddy Sixty Special home

flat head V8 

Great DJ playing lots of obscure fifties tunes and a live set by local rockabilly band the GreaseMarks.

http://www.greasemarks.com/

I am pleased to report the Lincoln got some favourable attention and one offer to buy when I was gassing up to go head home.  Even had a chat with a retired gentleman who sold Mark IV and V's new back in the day. 

On the way home, car wash city again. And one last stop, been wanting to take a photo of this ghost Lada dealership for ages…1998 was the last year the little Russian cars were sold in our happy Dominion...mission accomplished. I wouldnt say niet to a 4x4 Lada Niva for next winter.

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Greetings, Comrade!

Wolf Call

It took a good day to finally light a fire under my butt and inspire me to write a new post. Best of all I was on the receiving end of my first wolf whistle.

The other night I fell asleep after a busy weekend with the children and didn't get any work done that evening. I felt really productive today, up at five am to catch up on some freelance work and then attend a networking seminar. Rushed home to review and edit images for an article on the MegaSpeed car show and then run them over to the Metroland publishing offices in Oakville.

I was debating what to wear to the seminar this morning. As I was dropping the children at school, I spied another mom who despite the almost summer like weather had a great all black outfit (my favorite color), pencil skirt, black stockings and pumps.

Inspired I quickly through together my own version of her stylish outfit. I must admit I was worried that the skirt I chose might have been too short….better than too long…am I right! By the way its riding up in the photos.

The Lincoln needed some exercise so I drove it too the seminar (cute Paramedic complimented the lowered Lincoln when I parked next to his ambulance but that is another story). 

Getting some gas I was chagrined and more than a little flattered to get my first wolf whistle!!! Two guys in a delivery truck were the smitten gentlemen. OK I guess this means I am not a feminist at heart but I would be lying if I said it didn't make my day and so deliciously retro to boot.

 Two versions of the song Wolf Call from the Elvis movie Girl Happy:

Rockabilly Rebel

Its is so darn sunny outside even a pessimist like me cannot remain in bad mood forever. 

It was at boarding school in the UK when I first heard the Matchbox hit that  cemented my taste in music. 

I would say that Rockabilly is still the centre of my musical universe but like demented planets spinning around Sun Records I also listen to sixties garage seventies punk, forties gospel, fifties country and western, surf and French "yé-yé" girls, throw in some soul and early blues. (the less said about my guilty pleasure, Abba addiction the better).

Back to the song, Rockabilly rebel, I was listening to a live version by a new young Norwegian group called Bullet Proof, and the lyrics stuck me as somewhat prophetic in my case…..

My Mama don’t like it, the way I comb my hair,
Papa thinks I’m crazy, in the clothes I wear…

But I’m what I am and I’m gonna keep a rockin’ that way

The kids in the schoolhouse they couldn’t wait too long,
When the school is over, they put their cat clothes on,

Be a real cool cat, be a rockabilly rebel like me

Well it struck me as funny, heck not all my posts can be literary gold. Here is Bullet Proof with my theme song and their own rocking, Lets Swing!

Hugs,

April

Depression, Suicide and the Zombie Apocalypse

Sorry didn't want two serious posts in a row but I find it cathartic to write about what I am feeling (Duh…its a blog).

In yesterday's NY Times there was  an article on the increased suicide rate in the United States: 

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/03/health/suicide-rate-rises-sharply-in-us.html?_r=0

The CDC reports that there was  a 50% increase in suicide amongst men in their fifties and a 60% increase for women between 60 and 64. The article postulates that the increase is due to the continuing recession we are experiencing. Normally I take anything the main stream media says with a healthy ton of salt but the article was businesslike with no particular political axe to grind.

In contrast to the bloodless article the huge number of comments are heartbreaking, most making an explicit connection between job loss and suicide of loved ones.

I can personally attest to the soul destroying nature of unemployment/ underemployment. I believe men or those socialized that way (see what I did there) are especially vulnerable to this thinking as they are brought up to base their self worth on what they do. Just observe when guys get together, first thing they ask each other, is what do you do?  In my darker moods I have thought about suicide, the core reason is work related. Luckily I have friends and family that love me.

I promised zombies too so here goes, I have always like zombie movies as it touches on the existential fear of the loss of self and humanity. The genres current super heated popularity is more about the apocalyptic breakdown of society. There is something darkly appealing about abandoning the mundane troubles of bills, relationships and work for a life and death struggle where we all get to fire big guns and kill monsters….well unless you get eaten.

if there is one thing I hate more than zombies....its Nazi zombies....

  

Don't Worry Baby

As Joey over at his Pad would say, I threw a bit of a wobbly today, heck its not even Monday. I am sure unlike Joe mine usually involves more than a few tears.

I had been feeling rather blue for the last day or two due to financial concerns and my inability to land either a career position or even something short term to help bring a more regular cash flow than I do from writing.

I had been talking to a mom at school when dropping off my children and as she was also freelance we were comparing notes, both being in the same “leaky monetary” boat. I talked about working so hard to remain positive but as she said when you are constantly worried about money it does tend to suck the joy out of life.

Despite the beautifully sunny weather (suddenly summer here) I began to feel worse and worse. When my Internet connection went down as I was trying to get some work done it was the last straw and all the stress exploded. 

Although I am technically self-employed I feel unemployed, useless, unwanted and well a failure.    

My mother called during my wobbly and could tell I was upset and reminded me that I had every thing to live for given my recent good news.

When I am really really upset I retreat to one of my cars, I used to do this as a confused teenager. I would hide in my 59 Caddy stretching out on the big blue leather front seat that was more comfortable than any bed. As the 59 is in storage I took shelter in the Lincoln Continental curling up like a cat on sun warmed jade leather seats. Like a hug from an old friend I felt some peace return and was able to compose myself and return to my desk after a brief rest.

I hope you all don’t think that sounds too crazy, like some sort of automotive themed attempt to return to the womb.

Think I need another visit.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

So I have been thinking how I will travel to the clinic in Montreal, a distance of some 600km (372 miles) from my home in the neighboring Province of Ontario.

I felt I was channeling super blogger Lucy M. as I tried to logically calculate the various costs of car vs. air travel vs. train.

Business class on Via Rail so long as one books well in advance was approximately $370 dollars round trip single fare. It was marginally cheaper to ride coach but having experienced numerous train trips on the Toronto/Windsor corridor I can attest to the cramped seating, which would not be ideal for the journey home.

I also looked into Porter Airlines that operates out of Billy Bishop, Toronto Island Airport, using Bombardier turboprop aircraft. The Airline has great on line reviews and they are supposed to offer better seating/luxury service. As long as you locked in the dates a return trip would be around $340.

By car, required some more detailed calculations,

1976 Lincoln Mark IV: 372 miles @10mpg average equals 37.2 gallons, the equivalent of 140 liters (37.2 x 3.785). At $1.25 per liter that is $175 one-way, $350 return.

(Fuel economy on the highway with cruise control on may be as high as 13-14 mpg but I am taking a conservative average to account for traffic slow downs through Toronto and Montreal).

(Buick Electra, Thunderbird all have similar gas mileage. Corvette was not considered due to seating and luggage limitations)

1985 Cadillac Seville:  372 miles @20mpg average equals 18.6 gallons, the equivalent of 70.40 liters (18.6 x 3.785). At $1.25 per liter that is $88 one-way, $176 return.

(Fuel economy on Seville with cruise control on, flat highway can reach an amazing 30-mpg so costs may be even lower).

Added benefits in favor of the car are door-to-door service, removing the cost of taxi fares to and from airport/train station not to mention the great convenience. Not sure of parking costs in Montreal.

Taking a car will also offer any companion who comes with me the ability to get around the city at will.

Of course taking a car means having someone drive me back from Montreal while I make myself comfortable in either car's well-appointed rear seating area.

So in terms of pure number crunching the Cadillac Seville is the obvious choice. 

I have almost finished a major freelance project, which will pay my travel costs and supplies for the trip but yes, saving money is still a priority.

However being a romantic when it comes to automobiles I am kind of leaning towards the Lincoln as it has been a reliable companion for so many years, she starts better than a fuel injected modern car and has proved extremely dependable. The Lincoln has a relatively low mileage rebuilt high performance 460 but could do with some front-end work. Like me she is a bit of a Kustom project. It would just feel right driving her on this momentous journey.

I have not had the Seville for long but she did prove herself on a trip to Owen Sound last year providing excellent service and fuel economy.

I love road trips and abhor public transportation but the final decision will depend on whether I am traveling by myself or not.

Any recommendations?

Hugs,

April