ok ok so sue me, I've been lax at posting. Its cold here and my fingers are too numb to type.
The above sketch is a portrait of me by my eleven year old daughter! I think she has captured my enigmatic beauty....LOL
I've got a bunch of photos and junk I have yet too post but need to move a lot of files around. In the mean time enjoy the one guy I always go to when I'm feeling blue, George Formby!
here is a great documentary on the man and his music
but speaking of turkey, check out my fav pop punk band the Dollyrots with a bopping version of Little Eva's 1963 Let's Turkey Trot. The original on the Dimension label went to #20. It was even covered by Jan and Dean and used in the movie Easy Rider.
I don't know what it is but this song is so crazy its brilliant. Enjoy the ear worm....
Added My Road Redux bonus feature, Rita Pavone's French cover from 1965:
Relationships as a woman are complicated, I know it sounds stupid when I write it. I don't think I expected smooth sledding (how is that for a Canadianism). In fact I didn't expect to have any relationships at all.
Simply living as who I was supposed to be was enough for me. But secretly I hoped that I would be able to find someone to spend my new life with.
I have been lucky to have a choice of dates but it seems that all too often I am attracted to people who aren't attracted to me and vice versa. I connected with the Vette driving doctor who broke my heart at Halloween and a few brief texts cast be back into despair. I expected the black wave of depression to wash over me at Christmas, it came a little early.
I had a really tough Monday, long dark night of the soul and all that rot, took a sleeping pill to quiet my mind. Well I'm still here, like Rocky, ready to take more punches, too stupid to know when to quit.
It's not that I'm strong I just have some true friends.
a room with a view, photo above is me trying to do my best forties movie star look
Merry Christmas to all my trans brothers and sisters out there, the bravest of the brave, the ones that never give up and keep on reaching for the stars when we are sitting on our asses in the mud.
2015 is ours for the taking, or in lieu of perhaps just a small south American country
Love you all.
enjoy some zombie Christmas cheer from the Dollyrots:
ok ok ....I had great plans to post something everyday leading up to Christmas but working in retail means that this time of year is madness. Once I'm home (and still some dilating necessary) I am too beat to do more than crawl into bed.
Oh yeah I almost forgot.....I hate Christmas!
The over commercialisation, the pressure to create a perfect holiday, the perfect gifts the perfect meal, etc etc. The damned expense!!!! A December to Remember.....if I see one more luxury car commercial with a red bow I will go nuclear.
Heck, I love luxury cars but who gives $100,000 vehicles like they were sweaters. Mercedes and Lexus I'm looking at you.
Seriously, the season on the whole makes me depressed, I've never been a fan. The separation of my family and only getting to see my daughters for half of the day, being a guest in my former home is difficult and emotionally trying.
I know a lot of "normal" people feel the same way, the malls are filled with grumpy, surly and sometimes downright rude shoppers. The roads and mall parking lots alike are like a scene from Death Race 2000.
Today was the Christmas pageant at my ex's church (as Groucho said, I would not want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member). I got to attend and surprisingly didn't spontaneously combust upon crossing the threshold.
I think I do know why I have always hated the holidays. It is an emotional time. Before transition it was the pain of hiding who I was and now it is the loss of that prior normalcy. The nuclear family, the white picket fence, the perfect family Christmas.
But even my grinch like heart can feel what is still good about Christmas on the day, visiting as many family and friends as I can cram into 24 hours. That I look forward to.
Merry Christmas.....you filthy animals
the Plaza Hotel in Niagara Falls, Miss Monroe stayed in room 801when filming Niagara in 1953
I went on a date last Friday and it only ended a week later.
A whirl wind romance that gave me my first taste of real happiness.
A doctor
who drove a Corvette, liked some of same music, someone I had so much in common
with, we clicked from the minute we met.
The emotional and physical closeness was intoxicating. Like
a junkie on heroin I couldn’t get enough after my first fix.
Normally I am a glass half empty kinda gal who moves
carefully I followed their lead and flew too close to the sun. We tried to
spend every minute we could together, then on Halloween night it was over, I
still don’t fully understand the reasons, I guess it doesn’t matter why just
that it is over and it wasn’t my decision.
I cannot describe the hurt, I had only recently dug my way
painfully out of depression and now I find myself in an even lower level of
hell. The day before I remember being in my car and thinking that all the pain
of the last few months and years was worth it since I finally found true
happiness.
I was stupid happy like my BFF Cass says, they even accepted
my past history with empathy. I was bursting with joy, I drove too fast and
played the much too loud, not with my usual death wish but out of sheer
unadulterated happiness.
Instead it was snatched away the next day. I wish I had
never known what it feels like to be happy as now I will crave it like a drug.
I am going through terrible withdrawal pains. I have howled and cried and
cursed God at the unfairness of it all.
My friends say I am strong and that I am a fighter but I
have taken a serious blow and I don’t know if I can get up again.
One of my favorite sad songs....
the four pumpkins of the apocalypse, i carved for the children
We are having a summer after all, a spate of beautiful early
fall days that have been hot and sunny. Yesterday I had some errands to run and
it seemed too good a day not to take out the Corvette.
Like me she is somewhat “customized”. She has a SharkBite
coil over conversion so corners well but rides rough on city streets. On a
smooth highway it feels awesome.
Being of English extraction I am not given to emotional outburts
but heading home after visiting my friend Tasha, who took the photos BTW I pulled onto the QEW and
rocketed into the fast lane, T roofs off and the radio blasting rockabilly….I
couldn’t resist and let out yell of pure joy.
The adrenalin rush was intense, once home and the
small block cooling off in the driveway I was bouncing around the house like
Tigger on speed.
