Pride week is upon us in Toronto, there is even a trans march, will I be going. No, too many responsibilities at home. However I am torn, there is clearly a need to educate the public at large but neither do I want to appear on the evening news as as a transgendered activist when everyday I attempt to blend into the gender binary as much as possible.
Right now I am open about being transsexual if someone asks but after surgery I would prefer to go stealth if I can pull it off.
I cannot help feeling a little of the coward.
Basic Black
I think pull off a good Amanda Lear in the first photo. A good role model, well I certainly hope I can look as good as her at whatever her current age is? Of course she has never admitted to her past....
Sorry have been away from the blog for while. Gearing up for the children getting out of school for summer holidays and I thought I was busy now!
Besides looking for a job and writing car articles I have been biking on a regular basis to keep my weight down, picked up a new "muscle bike" a 1970's CCM Cheetah 3 speed, the Cheetah is the girls version of the boys Mustang by Canada's leading bicycle manufacturer. Photos tomorrow.
Also working on repairing my Buick Electras fender (dent was from original 80 year old owner NOT me). Pulled out the dent using a plunger and straightened pot metal ventiports, now it is the tedious process of body filler and sanding.
Really have to get my 59 Cadillac convertible out but not until I have the Buick is ship shape….that is not supposed to be a joke about her being a boat.
My review of the the film I Am A Woman Now will be published in an upcoming issue of Frock magazine.
Due to my absence Dear Constant Reader here are three tunes to make it up to you:
I met up with a friend I had not seen for a few months (has it been that long) who is on the same road. She remarked that I looked different that my face had changed again. …hope she meant for the better! It has been going on two years (has it been that long) since starting hormones and apparently they are still subtly changing things.
I think if I e-mailed these images back in time a few years I would not recognize the person looking back at me. And that as they say is a good thing.
I shall give this wretched world the queen it deserves....
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
I Am A Woman Now: Film Review
I attended the last day of the Inside Out film festival in Toronto specifically to see the film, I Am A Woman Now the story of the first generation of surgically operated transsexual woman to grow old. The Dutch documentary introduces the viewer to five women, all who transitioned at a time when the word transsexual could not have been spoken of in polite company. A time when to admit that you were not mentally the sex you were born would more than likely put you in a mental institution.
Filmmaker Michiel van Erp introduces us to five women some of whom you may already be familiar with, April Ashley, Prof. Marie-Pier Ysser (Bambi), Colette Berends, Jean Lessenich and Corinne van Tongerloo. All but Jean were female impersonators performing at Le Carrousel and transitioned in their twenties and thirties. Jean was initially married and had a successful career as a photographer and illustrator. Besides their transsexuality they all shared the distinction of being operated on by the great Dr. Buroou
Dr. Burou began to perform sex change surgery in the late fifties at his Clinique du Parc in Casablanca, Coccinelle was one of his first subjects in 1958. He invented he anteriorly pedicled penile skin flap inversion vaginoplasty, "the gold standard of skin-lined vaginoplasty in transsexuals". He is said to have performed over 800 operations before his death in a boating accident in 1987. His name is not better known as a low profile was necessary to operate in Morocco.
It must have taken such a leap of faith to entrust ones life and some large amount of savings to what was at the time an illegal and experimental procedure. Those who share this condition know that no risk is too great if that is the only way to become who you were really meant to be.
The film touches on the women's early lives through old home movies, photos and reminiscences. It is also a pilgrimage back to Casablanca and a tribute to Dr. Burou. We are introduced to his son who looks very much like his handsome father and has the same French charm as well as a penchant for water skinning. Corinne returns top the place of her rebirth to lay flowers on his grave and an unsuccessful attempt to visit the building that once housed the clinic.
I still cannot find words to describe the experience, as the credits rolled I felt poleaxed and no strength in my legs to even stand up. I know others must have felt the same as it was very quiet except for the applause.
What an impact seeing ones idols, these goddesses from another era as real people, as if speaking to me directly, April, Bambi and Colette. Their journey back to Casablanca to be reunited with old friends, the film was at once sad, beautiful and funny. None seem to have regrets and although they admit to giving little thought what their senior years would be like their new lives as women made them so much happier. On waking each morning April tells us she still feels some of the great joy she felt on coming to after surgery to be greeted by Dr. Burou, "bonjour Mademoiselle".
I don't think that it is I am afraid to grow old not having experienced being a young woman or that I wished that they had lived a fairytale life since transitioning.
Perhaps the real reason it moved me so greatly was that it is my story too and they and Dr. Burou are my mothers and father.
I wanted tears to come to exercise all the emotions I was experiencing.
Five Things I Learned From I Am A Woman Now:
1. Marry Rich
The old friend who used to do April's hair in Paris asks her whether she is living the life of an English duchess. No she says in her most upper class accent tinged with considerable longing and regret.
The hairdresser is apparently quite well off holding court in a Mediterranean villa and later on a yacht, there also seems to be
many handsome younger men in attendance.
"But you had the aristocracy begging for your hand" her asks, "ah but I was young and stupid" is her reply. The funny thing is she never appears on camera without a glass of champagne in her perfectly manicured hands. She is always as regal as a monarch.
April had successfully remade herself coming from humble provincial beginnings. I often expected her in an unguarded moment to revert to her Liverpudlian accent however she never does, so successful has she remade herself successfully transcending class and gender.
There is clearly some wistfulness when recalling her many wealthy suitors. Both Bambi (who the documentary fails to note had a successful academic career) talk about the trials of economizing and remembering more flush times.
2. Take Care of Yourself
Colette is an artist and salon owner. Her interview begins with her administering a facial to a client and stressing the importance of maintenance to look good in old age. All of the films subjects appear well preserved and living active lives.
Not surprising considering the investment they made in their female bodies and that their early careers were entirely dependent on being beautiful. Four of the five women were performers before and after surgery.
As a latish transitioner myself I need no convincing of the importance of diet, exercise and cosmetic improvements if one is lucky enough to afford them.
3. Don't Tell Till They Fall in Love
Only one of the women is still in any form of long term relationship. However beautiful, the inability to have children or the distraction of their history seems to have stood in the way of marriage. Corinne's advice is to let the guy fall in love with you first… then it is too late for them. An indication of this barrier to acceptance is seen when Corrine tells an old friend that she was not always as she is, we never see the hoped for acceptance only the shock.
Her one long term relationship was with a bisexual man and she still felt even after surgery she could not offer all a genetic woman could.
4. Do It Now
Most had their surgery in their twenties or thirties as soon as they could afford it. Jean a later transitioner fell into the usual scenario of denial, marriage and children before realizing what could be put off no longer.
None lived in regret and all sited surgery as the happiest time of their life, their rebirth and a start of a new more authentic and happier existence.
The trip back to Casablanca and meeting with Dr, Burou's son is immensely moving. April's patrician facade is only let down when she speaks of the doctors kindness and her own family's shunning. Corinne after half a life time of stealth proceeds to tell everyone of her history when trying to get access to the shuttered clinic.
5. Not All Men Can Be Beautiful Women
Yes and No. The question was posed to April Ashley and the answer was a quick no, elaborating she states that womanhood has to come from within. The looks and the frame make it easier but she revives her answer mid thought saying that even if you don't look the part you have to do what you feel inside, its just harder.
I have been working on a longer post and film review but I just found out my zombie article was finally available on the digital edition of World Of Wheels magazine, the print copy has been on newsstands since February.
Skip to page 34 for the zombie article and page 14 for Rust Never Sleeps
There is also an another article by me and under my new/real name of April and first! The second article is no a slightly less timely topic Rust proofing, yeah I know not quite as gripping just still of interest to any of you who live in the rust belt. or above the snow line. Still lots of cool pictures and the art department at the magazine did an excellent job putting it all together. Look closer and you might even spot me in the article..no not as a zombie, though I do resemble one on waking up more often than not.
Above photo comes from yesterdays grocery shopping safari, sudden rain shower, meant localized wet t shirt contest, my hair and I were unimpressed.
As to the best cars to survive the inevitable zombie apocalypse, I thought it would be boring to just list my choices, Cadillac, Lincoln etc but get the opinions of some automotive "celebrities" who will still take my calls. Feel free to add your own choices and why, perhaps we can interest them in a sequel.
Park on Sunday, chat with an older gentleman while waiting for children..pass
Testing driving a seventies T-Bird, passed with owner, asked how my husband would respond if I bought an old car, his buddy seemed to paying me more undue attention....think he suspected something.
While riding around on bike, taking daughter to get a one dollar slushy two or three guys asked me or commented on my cool old bike, supply teacher at school, oh you look so cute on that…so pass I think.
Have actually chatted with teller and fellow customers at check out, even started conversations…pass unknown. Well no one pulled out a cross and made evil eye gestures.
At bank (as account is still in my old name had to show male id), after what seemed like a few minutes of looking at me then the car then back to me again, the teller, deadpans, you look better as a blonde.
Went to my first ever cruise night as April, drove the Seville and parked besides my friend Don's 64 Imperial convertible. Chatted with the owner of a 75 Buick convertible (I have a 76 Electra), he is a fellow Elvis fan so we quickly got on to talking about Stutz Blackhawks. I said I used to have a red 76 that belonged to King Fahd but now have a 71 model. He immediately goes, oh you must be (insert male name here) WTF....don't I look a LOT different. "Oh yes but remember I met you five years ago when you were having the interior done and were kind enough to show me the car and take photos".
I will brook no disagreement but will allow incorrect alternative opinions to be offered….because I am magnanimous like that.
This amazing scene comes from an italo-actioner of a movie called the Sicilian Cross (aka Street People) starring Roger Moore (most handsome Bond) and Stacy Keach. Some movie chases succeed despite their choice of automobile, i.e. to Live and Die in La… plain jane Caprice sedans, others are enhanced by the automotive participants.
This is definitely the latter, a mid seventy Ford LTD (typical cop car) and a 75 or 76 special silver edition Thunderbird. The 72-76 Thunderbird shares its basic engineering and chassis with the Lincoln Mark IV of which I have much experience. They go like stink but corner like the designers never heard of a curve.
So to my amazement the stunt diver manages to drift this Thunderbird like some tuner boy's Toyota, you have to see it to believe it. Motivation comes from a 460 (that's 7.5 liters for you Euro types), rubber is 235/75 R15 radials.
Check out the video below, love the way Roger Moore is hanging on for dear life, oh turn down the sound so you can just hear the engines and tires but play this instrumental track at the same time:
Bullitt is good but not my favourite, here is an interesting French take on the Steve McQueen theme (hat tip to Cass) Le Marginal:
No not talking about a boyfriend LOL, was at the gas station the other day and attempting to tank up the Seville when a voice comes over the pump’s intercom, “that’s a pre-pay pump, sorry honey you will have to use the other one”.
I felt a little stupid but was quite pleased at the honey part. Perhaps I am finally convinced I am passing. But one can never be sure...
In other news, no joy on job front, this is what I wore to my last interview, Anne Klein jacket, very conservative. As you can also see my hair is getting longer but will need to be cut and dyed really soon so I can go back to bangs to more reliably hide my hair line.
Have continued to ride the Stingray for exercise, alternating between treadmill and walking.
The 1976 Buick Electra is home temporarily to have some work on the RH fender (dent from original owner to take out. Already removed and repaired the power antenna. A snapped cable, just amazed I put it back together and it worked, rather complex semi-automatic job that raises two inches or so when you turn on the radio then height can be adjusted as you see fit with a button on the dash.
Looking forward to seeing this movie at an upcoming festival. Yes that is April Ashley in the trailer, other pioneers include Bambi and Colette Berends.
Had a lovely day after Mother’s Day lunch with my mom. The first as mother and daughter, well it certainly felt a lot different for me this year.
Last week I wrote about Paris in the late fifties, well my mother was there as a teenager on holiday with her parents. They managed to get caught in a riot and only escaped by ducking in an alley. Tried to find historical data on line but it was such a turbulant time in French politics, likely to do with Algeria.
Gotta run, promised to take my youngest and her best friend on a bike ride then ice cream.
Do you ever have one of those times when a long desired dream finally comes true and it is not all you hoped for, bit of a let down actually. Well not this time cats and kittens.
I had lusted after a banana bike, muscle bike, whatever you grew up calling them since I was a child (can’t say little girl). Unfortunately I was at the tail end of the banana bike craze and ended up with a nice but sensible five speed. And the less said about the pre war (must have been WW I) bone-shaker I had at boarding school the better. A story I will save for another day.
Growing up on a quiet crescent in Owen Sound I used to trade my roller skates for my friends CCM Mustang muscle bike (a hand me down from his older brother). No speeds, coaster bike with back pedal brakes. The wide rear red line tire meant I could pedal around the block doing extended wheelies and gravel flinging donuts.
A few years ago Schwinn and other makes including Raleigh (to North American eyes their chopper was weird) came out with replicas of their now super collectible banana bikes. Original Schwinn Krates (Orange, Apple and Lemon Peeler) were selling for thousands. I didn’t buy one fearing I would look foolish.
The banana bike has become the lowriders, rat rod rockabilly guys and gals preferred method of getting around car shows.
The other day coming back through Toronto I spotted an adult female (admittedly) younger than me on a banana bike. Cool, I needed a bike to keep up with the children as the youngest just got her training wheels off. Spotted this early seventies Schwinn Stingray on line, originally from Pennsylvania (don’t think they were sold up here) I bought her for about what it cost new. Original down to the Schwinn nylon tires she has such a great patina I may never polish the chrome.
Not entirely sure the springer style front end (from the Krates) was available on the Stingray but who cares this bike is boss, right down to the metallic red vinyl seat. Ok technically a boys bike but a pink Schwinn Fair Lady is rather rare.
Within minutes of getting her I was riding around grinning from ear to ear and seeing if I could still do a wheelie….yes but the landing was not pretty. I must have rode for hours, a little self conscious but got “cool bike” from teenage on lookers.
We have so much internal fear to overcome being transsexual, looking a little eccentric on a vintage bike is all in a days work. Good exercise too, OMG I can feel it in my legs today.
My kids are lucky they have such a cool parent a fact I remind them of often.
Found these very high heels with black and white leopard fur print and they fit! At a local thrift store…score! God knows where or when I will ever wear them but I am sure I will find an occasion. I believe they are at least five inches, as "J" would say F me pumps, I have no idea what she is on about….so much to learn still.
I think I better curtail my leopard obsession otherwise I will start to resemble Edith Prickley on SCTV. A character on the 1976-1984 Canadian comedy show that always wore leopard print. Edith was the fictional stations manger, described as a "an amalgam of Rona Barrett, Joan of Arc and Auntie Mame.
Too bad Cadillac never offered a leopard print interior option….oh but April I hear you saying how could you forget the 1950 Cadillac convertible show car dubbed the Debutante. The Cadillac Debutante featured "Tawny Buff" paint, gold-plated interior hardware, and most importantly leopard skin upholstery….real leopard I bet!
GM Executive, " Chicks dig leopard print, get me the upholstery department stat..."
Term used here to describe a used car or even collector car that looks great from a distance but up close its myriad faults are clearly visible.
Sunday morning took my freshly washed Seville to pick up middle daughter from a birthday party sleepover.
The gleaming Caddy seemed to make an impression on the male population of the little court. As I exited the Seville an older gentleman called out what year, 1985 I answered, chiding his buddy across the street he says I told you so.
He replies, "A beautiful car and a beautiful driver", well a double whammy compliment, can't do much better than that! Especially as I had no make up on and was just in jeans and a black sweater.
Only problem we were about twenty feet apart.
I had gone to photograph a car for an article at the shop of a former work colleague. Later when we talked on the phone he says, from twenty feet you are really hot. How is that for a backhanded compliment, and told him so. Laughing he says that is the best he can admit to since he used to know me as a guy. Hmmm I was slightly mollified.
Well I am a work in progress, nothing forty grand in facial surgery won't cure.
Hugs,
April
photo is of a heavily patinaed Mark IV in Detroit.
I Love Paris, no I have not just returned from a trip to the continent (I wish) rather I recently rediscovered the ultimate car movie Rendezvous and the photo book Les Amies de Place Blanche (hat tip to Cyrsti's Transgendered Condo). Both take place in the heart of the city.
I have actually been to the city but it was as a child and again as a teenager.
The movie by Claude Lelouch is a bumpers eye view of an early morning race through Paris' not quite awake streets. No digital trickery the camera records the whole trip in one take blown red lights and about a million moving violations.
A Mercedes sedan was used as the camera car and the sounds are from a Ferrari driven on the same route. A Ferrari couldn't have taken the pounding of the cobble stone streets without shaking the camera. Jeez they should have used a Lincoln.
I was lucky enough to see this masterpiece in the cinema on the big screen when still an impressionable youth. Shot in 1976 the film is only ten minutes long ending the steps of the Montmartre.
If you haven't seen it please see the link below for the most exciting ten minutes you can have in front of a computer.
As any regular reader will know I am fascinated with the transsexual scene in Paris in the late fifties, early sixties, April Ashley, Coccinelle, Bambi and Amanda Lear. All I believe had their surgery with the pioneering Dr. Georges Burou in Casablanca and all went on to fame of varying degrees.
I am guilty of romanticizing the time and their lives, not all were so lucky or talented to be on stage. Those girls who pursued the seemingly impossible dream of surgery had little choice but to prostitute themselves. There was no unemployment or social services to rely upon. Unlike the celebrated performers at La Carousal, these women were subject to harassment under Charles de Gaulle's Catholic republic.
The candid photos by Swedish photographer, Christer Strömholm are at once sad, beautiful and full of hope. In 1959 he moved to the Parisian neighborhood of Pigalle. Christer lived amongst the transsexuals of Place Blanche and was a trusted confident. The mostly night time shots were originally published as Les Amies de Place Blanche, (girlfriends of Place Blanche) in 1983. A new edition has been released with additional photos and reminisances by some of the subjects.
Strömholm wrote in his original foreword, a book "about insecurity… about humiliation… about the quest for self-identity and the right to live".
My best friend from childhood recently moved back to our old home town of Owen Sound after living the other side of the country and then Ireland. She is an artist and writer of great skill and talent.
The last few years we had reconnected on line we had last seen each other in person (apart from a chance meeting on a bus in suburban Oakville) when we were twelve. In fact we were even younger when I was sent off to boarding school in the UK and had to part.
When I received the e-mail that she was a mere three hours away it was all I could do to prevent myself hopping in one of my cars and driving off to see her that very day. Finally I able to take a weekend off and drive up highway six to my old home town. I say home town but I only lived there for four years, but it is that Norman Rockwell neighbourhood that is forever associated in my mind as defining childhood.
I was a little apprehensive about visting my friend and seeing childhood landmarks again, worried that it would be an emotional overdose of nostalgia. I was not worried about how she would accept me, beside my family she was one of the first people I told and has been very supportive. One of her close friends is F to M.
I left early on Saturday and made the 120 mile journey (takes three hours as there is no major highway there and #6 passes through many small towns with traffic lights and very low speed limits to contend with).
Later that morning I met her and her two beautiful daughters. It was like the thirty years apart evaporated and we talked and talked. Later on we drove by our old school, the distance to school and our homes seems to have shrunk with age. The long walk to a child's eye was in reality a few blocks. Everything looked remarkably the same even the old corner store we were forbidden to visit during school hours still stood on the corner. Didn't occur to me then but I should have gone in to buy a Pixy Stix (powdered candy in a paper straw) for old times sake.
We stopped at the house my father had built on a quiet crescent. It was a great street to grow up on as there were lots of other children the same age. The crescent was quiet and our playground, bike races, roller skates, late night games of hide n' seek and in the winter elaborate snow forts and pitched snow ball fights. I had already started to notice cars, a friends older bother had a modified Corvair, a neighbour a Corvette Stingray. The night everyone on the street came out to see a neighbour bring home their new Thunderbird.
We pulled up to house in my Seville, I asked the couple gardening out front if I could take a picture as "I used to live here." Well you must be a Chadwick how is your father does he still have the Rileys! Come on in and have a look at your old room! I was stunned! Turned out I was talking to the daughter of the people who bought the house from my father. The house was very much as I remember it though my room had shrunk…weird that.
In the photo you can see right hand window, which was my room, somewhere there is a photo from the local newspaper of Susanne and I looking out that window at the record high( touching the second story window) sun flower my mother grew.
We talked for a while and found out that there were still some families left from when we were there, including the parents of my good friend David. I knocked on the door and introduced myself as an old friend of David and his sister. They remembered my family but I could see they were thinking didn't they have two sons…don't remember a daughter. They were very nice and asked me in for tea. It seemed like I had only been away a month, time ceased to have any meaning.
I was exhausted after the visit to my old neighbourhood, too many emotions. Back at Susanne's we took it easy and talked, amazing each other at the commonality of our taste in movies, books, cars and other esoteric interests. Sunday was spent exploring downtown and seeing which stores were still in operation from our childhood. Enjoying a Blizzard at the Dairy Queen, a new experience for her girls as apparently DQ has not made inroads into Ireland.
Despite our long periods of separation there is a special friendship that distance and time has been unable to diminish.
I became quite emotional on leaving, I did not want to say goodbye for another two to three decades, an irrational fear, we made plans to visit again in the summer perhaps me bringing up my daughters as well.
Johnny Horton singing, Comin' Home and a TV ad for the new Thunderbird:
Journeyed to a secret location this morning to photograph the Black Beauty, a 64 Imperial with such useful optional extras as forward and reverse rocket launchers, hood mounted machine guns and a flame thrower. Now that is one ride ready for your morning commute.
Have to finish the story for the Canadian magazine World of Wheels by the end of the month. Check your local news stands, well in this happy Dominion that is.
Unfortunately eligible bachelor Britt Reid was nowhere to be found. Now girls isn't, Plan B land a rich husband, who am I kidding that is Plan A!
