Transsexual Continuum: Au revoir monsieur….Bonjour, mademoiselle…

My undergrad degree is in history, it was also my favourite subject as a child and the only one I excelled at. I love exploring the history of everything around me, my cars, the companies that produced them, technology, politics, music. 

I want to know the history of how things came to be as they are. I look at the world through the lens of history. I am baffled how other people can go through life not knowing the historical issues and facts that shape our day to day existence.

I see my existence as a citizen of the democratic west as a continuum that stretches back from the American Revolution to Great Britain to Rome and to Greece.

It is the same with being transsexual, I made it my business to find out all I could about those who went before, the  trailblazers without whom we would not have the map to find our way forward.

Frequent readers will recognize my fascination with Dr. Burou and the Parisian transsexual scene of the late fifties, early sixties. I have even had two articles published on the subject. His patients included my heroines, Coccinelle, Bambi and April Ashley.

When I travel to Montreal to receive surgery on July 1st, it is the technique pioneered by Dr. Burou in Casablanca that will be the basis of my SRS.  

In her autobiography April Ashley recounts how on the operating table as the anaesthetic kicked in Dr. Burou said,

"I must ask you again, any doubts...'
      'Do your finest work, Doctor.'
      Then they gave me the final jab.
      As I murmured, 'One ... two ... three . Dr Burou bent over and breathed, 'Au revoir, monsieur.' 

As I came round I was not aware of my body, which was immobilised by bandages. The first words were Dr Burou's: 'Bonjour, mademoiselle.'
      I heard myself, far off, saying, 'Was it successful?'
      'Indeed it was. I'm very proud of you.'
      Then I passed out with relief."

Au revoir monsieur….Bonjour, mademoiselle… words I will whisper to myself  on the first of the month.

Hugs,

April 

read all of Miss Ashley's autobiography here: http://www.antijen.org/Aprilv1/

Casablanca is that way monsieur...

Lincoln Assassination: Part 2 "The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated"

Tuesday morning I journeyed back to the accident reporting centre in Burlington to get my police report.

The service representative informed me that the Province's no fault law meant that I shouldn't even bother filling a report and that I would be out of pocket for any repairs.

As an aside when waiting for her to get to my report I saw her cross to other side of the office and speak to the two police officers on duty. Now I am not sure I heard correctly but the gist was that…. "she used to be a guy"

Clearly when calling up my driver's licence and personal details, the name change was evident. Topical as recent events and Mr. Snowden have shown we have no secrets from our governments. I don't believe my personal appearance gave me away as I have been asked about my husband more than a few times the over last month or two. However I found her comments (hello I can hear you across the room, bitch) rude and disrespectful.

Once I had the accident report it was automatically sent to my insurance company, my broker also took my details and was more optimistic this time saying there was a chance that my insurance company would go after the driver of the SUV as she was at fault. He also added that the staff of the reporting centre had no idea of how insurance law worked in Ontario.

Before the end of the day I had a call from my insurance company, Portage la Prairie Mutual (great name eh? sounds like it should be insuring old west gunslingers), yes they would fix my car at no cost to me and would I like a courtesy rental car too! 

I was so happy and relieved!

The next morning I was driving a nice black Chevy Impala (working AC…yahoo) to inspect my poor Lincoln at the body shop. Initially the independent appraiser wanted to right her off but once again my contact at  Portage la Prairie went to bat for me, telling me to send her a list of the cars upgrades so that they could establish a more reality value. 

There was one more hitch as the appraiser said the dent in the fender was not caused my the accident, claiming that only the SUV's trailer hitch made contact with my car. I was able to prove otherwise sending them a photo taken a week prior at a car show showing no dent and a photo of the SUV's rear bumper with green paint on it…..thank goodness for cell phone cameras.

I should get my Lincoln back Friday morning….yes the same day I leave for Montreal!!!

The suspension has already been repaired and everything checked out with a four wheel alignment. The rims were also checked to make sure they were still were true and rebalanced.

yeah its supposed to be straight

looks like both she and I will undergo our respective operations

I would love to have her completely repainted but a quote of $9,000.00 but paid to that idea. So the patina will stay for now, it does have it fans.

I will also be sure  to send a thank you letter to my broker and insurance company. 

see you tomorrow, hugs April

Lincoln Assassination….Attempted “Continentalcide” Part 1

Once again I must apologize for my delay in posting dear constant readers, especially as the great day approaches.

On Monday of last week my beloved 1976 Lincoln Continental Mark IV was hit in my oldest daughter's school parking lot. I had just pulled into the lot to pick her up and out of the blue a new Dodge SUV backed into my right front fender while I was still moving, albeit slowly.

The Lincoln was jolted to a stop as the tow hitch on the Dodge jammed into my tire and the SUV’s back bumper coming into contact with my RH fender.

Exiting my car I was initially relieved to see only minor damage, close inspection showed a crease in the fender near the apex of the fender flare. The Lincoln’s decorative belt line moulding protecting the rest of the fender from harm.

As I was now blocking the school parking lot I attempted to move my car, no luck both front wheels refused to move or steer, looking underneath I could see severely bent steering components…my heart sank.

I was in shock from the accident and at the fact that my old friend who had carried me around for some 16 years lay mortally wounded. I felt the tears welling in my eyes.

My Lincoln never let me down through summer heat or the worst winter storms, I knew ever inch of that car having sweat and bled to keep her running. The thought that she may be a “write off” made me sick and I realized how much of me was in that Lincoln. It wasn’t just another old car, it had become an extension of myself, a little care worn and patinaed but still sleek and elegant. ;)

In a daze I called “J” to pick up our oldest daughter and take her to her swimming practice. I exchanged insurance and licence information with the woman who was driving the Dodge SUV, a teacher at my daughter's school as it turned out.

note angle of wheel

Adding to my misery was that the Lincoln unlike the rest of my fleet only had liability insurance, no collision. I would no doubt be out of pocket for the repairs and was not currently in a position to afford them even if I did the work. On top of everything I was scheduled to leave for Montreal in less than two weeks and this was the last thing I needed.

In Ontario we have no fault insurance (each insurance company looks after their policy holders regardless of fault …if you have collision…and then battles it out behind the scenes). I called my broker but he wasn’t optimistic even though the accident wasn’t my fault.

I called CAA to tow my car to a body shop I trusted, the tow truck driver was very nice and gave me a ride home from the shop. I think he was trying to pick me up as he offered to tow any of my cars for free in the future.

The next step was to go to the accident reporting center and get an official police report. I drove to nearest centre in Oakville in my Seville, see it pays to have way more cars than you need.

At the accident reporting center I was chided for not driving my car there to show them the damage. I explained that the accident had rendered her undrivable. Well then you should have it towed I was told. OMG, it would have cost a few hundred dollars to have it towed from Burlington to Oakville then back!

By this time it was nearly eight pm and the shock had worn off to replaced by anger at the obtuse eaucracy I was now battling. Finally they agreed to send a police officer to confirm the accident damage. I was told to drive back to the bodyshop and wait for an officer to meet me there. Surprisingly one turned up quickly but as he had never done such a report (?) told me to go home and wait for a call from the police the next day.

I left the Lincoln looking forlorn in the body shop parking lot. I was so upset I couldn’t sleep, heart sick at the loss of my old friend.

accident scene

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Comic Book Heroines

I was sent off to school in the UK so I never developed at taste for American super hero comics, instead I religiously bought Battle Action later transferring my allegiance to the sci-fi title 2000AD. 

English comic books unlike their US counterparts are published weekly and contain a number of serialized stories in each issue. Both titles were rather violent and I believe questions were even asked in parliament about their imagined malign influence. I cant imagine what the problem was, heck look at me I turned out fine.

Both titles offered some great art work and imaginative story lines. 2000AD's most famous character being Judge Dread, In a dystopian post apocalyptic the Judges kept peace by being judge, jury and executioner at the same time. No wonder my political views are ummm right of center....sorry Cass, blame my poor upbringing.

Another favourite from the WWII focused battle Action was Johnny Red, written by Tom Tully and drawn initially by Joe Colquhoun, about a renegade British fighter pilot Johnny 'Red' Redburn flying for the Russians.

I hadn't thought much about my former comic book heroes and heroines until yesterday when I took the children to the library. Wandering around I found an anthology of Johnny Red stories taken from Battle Action comic....I still have a few originals…a blast from my past. I still remembered every story line and image. 

Judge Dread had the more human Judge Cassandra Anderson as his partner. She was part of the Psi Division, which includes all Judges possessing psychic abilities. Can't forget Judge Barbara Hershey who was another Dread sidekick who went on to become Chief Judge….OMG entering geek territory now I fear.

Back to past, Johnny's female counterpart was Nina Petrova (the angel of death), commander of the "Night Witches" an all-female night-bomber squadron.

Surprising looking back how many strong female characters there were in these "boys" comics and it never struck me as odd. 

Hugs and happy reading,

April

Why I'm Pissed Part 2: Chance Enounter at the Foodliner

Sunday was a beautiful day, I had gone into the big city that morning and watched my girls swim in the afternoon.

Late in the day I made a quick run to the supermarket (I like use the archaic 1950s term Foodliner…just sounds so sleek and modern) and ran into a relative I had not seen in two years.

She spotted me first though it took me a heartbeat to recognize her. Caught off guard I experienced the resurrection of some buried and still rather raw feelings.

I admire this person but since my transition she has broken off contact. I kind of understand her reasons for no longer inviting me into her home but I feel hurt that there was no communication by either phone, e-mail or even a time made to meet over coffee.

My reaction was so severe I felt the fight or flight response kick in. I remained polite and she explained her reason for not associating with me. We hugged with vague promises of contact after Montreal. I could not help still feeling like a pariah, an untouchable, a deviant.

I was so angry and embarrassed I could hardly finish my shopping. That evening I had to go for a long walk to burn off all the bad feelings.

Why I'm Pissed: Part 1

I was very excited today, I had a job interview in my field. The job was not as senior as my prior position but I didn't care it was in automotive/marketing, relatively nearby and the pay wasn't bad.

I have been working with a charitable agency that organizes networking sessions, career advice and they set up a mock interview at short notice that went very well.

I headed to the interview this morning well prepared, well dressed and confident.

I was in the interview for an hour and a half. I knew there was some concern that I was over qualified and I came prepared with arguments to put their mind at ease.

Besides HR I also met the president of the company, I believe I passed with both, hopefully without question.

It was at the end of the session that they admitted that the position had been filled yesterday! Although I spent an hour being interviewed for the advertised job they really brought me in to see about a "possible" more senior position "maybe sometime" later in the summer.

I wish that had been made clear at the outset and I would have prepared quite differently and would not have gotten my hopes up for a job that had already been filled.

Despite feeling very upset and disappointed I was professional and on returning home sent off a thank you e-mail and promised to follow up with them in late July.

Right now I am in a bit of a funk and am afraid it will take a while to shake it off and start all over again.

Stay tuned for more whinging in Part 2 tomorrow...

Passing and Lying

I have been attending a weekly networking seminar to help my job search. The purpose is to share leads, job search tips and remain connected to the wider world.  The last part is important, as I seem to spend far too much time at my subterranean desk alternately writing automotive articles and cover letters.

Last week was an interesting first despite being full time for nearly a year and a half.

After the moderated portion of the seminar we split into groups and I found myself in a group of five women.

I am used to passing and generally expect to pass wherever I go (I dont mean to sound big headed, yes I still doubt myself and yes I am still very pleased when I know I pass).  

I knew I was passing in this situation as being all women of a certain age, divorce and separation was the norm and I was asked about my ex-husband and my children. I found it harder and harder to keep my answers gender neutral.  

My continued use of ex and partner seemed to trigger a look in my integrators eyes, “ maybe she is lesbian”. I quickly threw in a he or two to dispel her suspicion. Ironically this is what my ex “J” particularly dislikes, ie being thought of as gay.    

It was flattering to hear her say, “but look at you girl, doesn’t he want to get back together” Ummm I replied, you know people change, some more than others.”

I felt bad about lying but nor was I about to sacrifice hard earned passing and acceptance so easily.

Moral qualms aside it was wonderful to be accepted as unquestionably female in a group of women. Now I do have female friends but all of them know of my past. The vibe was different from anything I had ever experienced.